Endlessly
by Sherlocked95
Summary: My take on the 30 day OTP challenge for MerlinXArthur. Most of them will be related to form a sort of story but based on the challenge prompts. Rating subject to change.
1. Holding Hands

**a/n: this is my take on the 30 Day OTP Challenge for Merlin, with the pairing MerlinxArthur. The lengths will vary, some will be quite long, others short; I hope this doesn't bother anybody. Also this is completely edited, so any mistakes are the result of my own idiocy. I hope you enjoy and please take the time to review.**

**- Sherlocked95 **

* * *

"Arthur!"

The King cursed loudly as Merlin appeared next to him, making enough noise in his wake to scare of the stag he'd been about to shoot. Arthur jumped at his manservant's sudden appearance and shot wildly, the arrow hitting a tree nearby with an echoing _thunk_.

"_Mer_lin," Arthur turned to the skinny man. He opened his mouth to rant but froze when he noticed Merlin's pupils were blown wide with fear. "What is it?"

"Not sure," he managed between gasping breaths. "Gwaine...snakes...light...I tried to..."

"Merlin!" Arthur settled his hands on the manservant's shoulders. "I need you to calm down and tell me what happened."

Merlin swallowed and looked up at the King. "Sorcerer."

Arthur's heart flipped uncomfortably at the word and he closed his eyes. Would magic ever leave them be? He took a deep, steadying breath and opened his eyes to ask what exactly had happened, but Merlin was already rushing away from him, his lithe body moving surprisingly fast over the terrain. The King quickly followed, worry coursing through his veins. Merlin had mentioned Gwaine. Was the knight hurt?

Merlin jumped over a fallen tree and stopped, kneeling beside the fallen knight. Arthur joined him, swallowing anxiously at how pale and still Gwaine was. Was he...?

"Not dead," Merlin assured him quietly. "Just badly hurt. The sorcerer cast an incantation that knocked him several yards off his horse. He's broken two of his ribs and fractured his knee. He'll have concussion."

Gwaine stirred slightly, groaning. Merlin reached out, gently touching the knight's shoulder in comfort.

"We need to get him to Gaius," Arthur spoke, his voice tight. "Where are the others?"

"I don't know," Merlin shook his head wildly. "They scattered to find the sorcerer and I came to find you. But...I think the sorcerer is still nearby, Arthur."

Arthur swore under his breath. "Take my horse and get Gwaine back to the castle. I'll find the others."

"Arthur, no. Not on your own; there's a sorcerer out there!"

"Merlin," he rested a hand on his friend's shoulder, gazing at him urgently. "You need to get Gwaine to Gaius and I need to find the others. Now go."

"I can help you."

"You're not a knight, Merlin," he said softly. "I won't see you hurt too. _Go_."

Merlin gazed at him for a long moment, swallowed, and finally nodded. Arthur clasped the back of his neck gently and nodded once before getting to his feet. He helped Merlin lift Gwaine onto his horse.

"Just be careful, Arthur," Merlin said quietly.

"You too."

They shared a small smile before Arthur turned, grasping the hilt of his sword tightly as he made his way deeper into the forest, listening for any sounds from either his knights or the sorcerer.

Merlin watched his friend go, closing his eyes briefly in guilt. _Arthur's right_, he told himself calmly. He needed to get Gwaine to Gaius. But he'd seen the sorcerer first hand. He was powerful and had he not cast a spell to counteract the sorcerer's, Gwaine would be dead right now. If Arthur got hurt...

His heart ached at the thought. It was his destiny to protect the King. He couldn't leave him to whatever fate the sorcerer had planned for him. He couldn't leave the knights either. He'd never forgive himself.

He glanced down at Gwaine. He couldn't leave Gwaine. He was injured and unconscious. If a sorcerer or bandits found him he'd be dead. He needed to protect the knight.

A sharp cry echoed around him and he made his decision in that instant. He turned to Gwaine, the blue in his eyes bleeding to gold as he leaned over Gwaine and weaved incantations together under his breath. The horse would go straight to the castle without needing someone to guide it and without being noticed. If Gwaine did run into any trouble, the enchanted sword would protect him. He patted Gwaine's shoulder once and watched as the horse set off at a steady pace.

He was gone in seconds, running and jumping over the rough terrain, tripping several times.

"Arthur!" he shouted. "_Arthur_!"

"Merlin!"

The voice wasn't Arthur's baritone. He spun, trying to follow the voice, and slammed into someone. He tumbled to the ground with a low "_oof_!".

"Merlin," Percival breathed in relief, holding out his hand to help the manservant up. "Have you seen Arthur?"

"I told him about the sorcerer. He was coming to find you guys."

"Did you separate?"

"No," Merlin looked down. "He told me to take Gwaine back to the castle."

"And you disobeyed him."

The manservant glanced up sharply. "I wasn't about to leave Arthur to face this alone."

Percival was grinning. "Of course not," he slapped Merlin's arm gently. "Good man." He started ahead of Merlin, his sword drawn. "I separated from the others and I can't find them. I heard Arthur shout."

A trickle of fear slid down Merlin's spine. "Me too. Percival, the sorcerer...he was powerful."

"Yeah," Percival replied quietly. "But we outnumber him."

_Only if we find the others_, Merlin thought, but he didn't voice his fears. He doubted pessimism would be helpful right now.

Another shout pierced the air and Percival set off running without hesitation. Merlin followed, quickly overtaking the knight. He had the advantage of being skinny with long legs that carried him faster, plus he wasn't weighed down with armour, chainmail and a sword. He followed the sound of the cries until he stumbled into a small clearing.

The pained sounds were coming from Leon. The sorcerer stood over his fallen body, a bony hand spread out above him as he hissed incantations. The sorcerer was tall and almost skeletal, shrouded in a ragged hooded cloak that hid his face. As Merlin watched, the sky darkened as the sorcerer's voice grew louder.

"Tell me!" his yell, guttural and dangerous, echoed in the clearing. "_Where is the King_?"

Merlin was shoved to the side as Percival tore into the clearing, his sword raised over his head.

"Percival, no!" Merlin cried, but the knight paid no heed to the warning.

Leon was given temporary relief from the torture as the sorcerer turned calmly to face the knight charging towards him. He thrust his hands open and snarled a spell; Percival dropped to his knees, the sword sinking uselessly into the ground beside him. A scream ripped from his chest as his back arched in response to the fire consuming his insides.

Merlin didn't recognise the spell but he knew from seeing Percival's reaction it was sorcery aimed to kill. He lurched to his feet and gathered his magic together. He knew it would take a lot to bring down the powerful sorcerer hurting his friends.

"_Emrys_," the whisper reached him across the clearing. The sorcerer wrapped his name in a revering caress.

"Leave them alone," Merlin warned.

A low chuckle like grating bones was the only response he received. He lifted his hand to cast a spell but the sorcerer reacted faster than he expected; it was like a blow to a chest, pain consuming his whole body as he flew back several feet. His body hit a tree with a sharp crack and he slumped, his vision blurring.

"Merlin!"

He recognised Arthur's voice and tried to focus. He needed to stop the sorcerer. He needed to help Arthur...to protect the King...he needed to...to...

The last thing he saw was Arthur drawing his sword and pointing it at the sorcerer before everything went black.

** 0**

He woke up to a sharp pain in the back of his skull. He hissed slightly as he opened his eyes, blanching as further pain made itself known in his body. A face blurred into view and it took him several moments to recognise the blonde hair and blue eyes.

"Arthur!" he shot upright and cried out as pain shot through his bones. "I thought the sorcerer would kill you!"

"Relax, Merlin, I'm fine," the King reassured him, gently pressing on his chest to make him lie back against the tree. "Stay still. I think you're hurt badly."

"What happened?"

"All I saw was the sorcerer throw you back against the tree. For a moment I thought you were dead. You weren't moving. You were barely breathing." The King frowned. "I thought I told you to stop getting almost killed. I'm too busy to find a replacement manservant."

"Sorry, Sire," Merlin smiled weakly.

"Elyan got to the sorcerer before I could and drew him away from here," Arthur continued. "He's fast and he's good at hiding. Hopefully he'll keep the sorcerer busy without getting himself killed."

Merlin imagined Gwen's reaction if her brother was to die. After losing her father and Morgana, she had little left apart from her brother and her friends. She lived in the small house with her brother and now worked as an assistant to the castle seamstress.

"Are Percival and Leon alright?" Merlin sat up a little straighter, gazing over Arthur's shoulder. "It looked like the sorcerer was killing them."

"They're fine," Arthur assured him. "The pain seemed to cease as soon as the sorcerer was distracted. They've gone after Elyan." His expression darkened. "Merlin, I told you to take Gwaine back to the castle."

"I couldn't leave you, Sire," Merlin frowned. "I heard you shout."

"I'm fine," Arthur got to his feet. "You need to leave before the sorcerer comes back."

"I'm not leaving you to face the sorcerer alone."

"You're hurt, Merlin," Arthur shook his head. "Go."

Merlin slowly got to his feet, bones cracking painfully, and faced Arthur grimly. The impending argument was interrupted by a low laugh piercing the silence around them. Arthur spun, placing himself in front of Merlin as he unsheathed his sword.

"Arthur Pendragon," the sorcerer spoke quietly. "You will pay for what you have done to me."

"What?" the King demanded. "Show yourself, sorcerer!"

The sorcerer lifted a bony hand and pushed the hood of his cloak back, revealing a pale, sallow face. Burns spread from the neck to the mouth and a myriad of scars ruined what would have been a handsome face. The only thing recognisable was the thick dark hair and piercing green eyes.

Merlin remembered every single one of the innocent people Uther had slaughtered in his ruthless battle against magic. One of the ones that still haunted him was the family that lived just outside Camelot in a tiny but comfortable home. The father had lost his wife and slaved in order to take care of his three small children. The father had been suspected of magic and so Uther and his knights went to the house to arrest him. He'd forced Arthur to join him, wanting his son to witness the brutality, remind him that magic was evil. Preparing him to do the same when he took the throne. As Arthur's manservant, he'd gone too.

The father had cast a spell that refused Uther and the knights entry to the home. Without hesitation, Uther had ordered for the house to be set on fire. The father and small children burned alive in the house. Merlin still remembered the youngest one, only a toddler, with dark curls and sharp green eyes at the window, screaming and crying.

Now he knew that the boy had escaped, with burns and scars for his efforts. Merlin stepped forward until he stood beside the King.

"It wasn't Arthur!" he cried. "It was Uther. Leave him be."

"Yet he reigns with the same values as his father," the sorcerer spat. "Magic is outlawed. Sorcerers are slaughtered. My father and my siblings burned alive because of the Pendragon's prejudice."

"Merlin," Arthur said quietly. "Run."

"No."

"_Run_."

The sorcerer disappeared in a dark mist, only to reappear to their left. Arthur swung his sword but it hit only air as the sorcerer disappeared again, this time further away to their right. He laughed ruthlessly and vanished.

"Arthur..." Merlin's voice shook. This was powerful magic. How could they fight mist?

To his surprise, Arthur reached out and clasped his hand, calming him. He held back tightly, letting the King anchor him, and took a deep, calming breath. They waited, hands locked, until the sorcerer appeared again, this time behind them.

They spun around, but before Arthur could react, a low, almost silent moan escaped the sorcerer as a blade ran him through. Over his shoulder, Elyan pulled back sharply, withdrawing his sword from the sorcerer's body. The sorcerer stumbled forward, his body colliding with Merlin's, and they both tumbled to the ground.

_Emrys..._ the voice echoed in Merlin's head, powerful enough to black his vision for a moment. _He'll eat your heart_.

The warning sent a shiver down Merlin's spine and he watched as the life left the sorcerer. Elyan nudged the sorcerer off with his foot and helped the manservant to his feet. He swayed, struggling to stay conscious. The adrenaline left his body in one sharp flood and the pain from his impact with the tree set in, making him feel nauseous.

"My lord, are you okay?" Elyan asked.

"Yes," Arthur rested a hand briefly on the knight's shoulder. "Good work, Elyan. Where are Percival and Leon?"

"Here, Sire," Leon's voice reached them as the two knights emerged from the forest.

Arthur saw Merlin's body collapse from the corner of his eye and reacted quickly, dropping his sword and catching the manservant before he hit the ground. He looked down at the pale face, worry tightening his chest. The skinny man drifted in and out of consciousness, unable to focus on the man keeping him upright.

"Fetch the horses," Arthur ordered. "We need to get Merlin to Gaius immediately."

The knights jumped into action without hesitation, retrieving the horses from where they'd tied them to a fallen tree earlier. Arthur took Gwaine's horse since he'd had to use his own earlier to take Gwaine to the castle and sat back in the saddle, helping Percival push Merlin onto the saddle in front of him. He kept the manservant upright as he took the reins, taking the lead as they took off at a gallop.

They reached the castle at dusk. They didn't pause as several guards demanded answers as to what had happened; Arthur and Leon gently lowered Merlin from the horse and carried him into the castle, heading directly for the physician's chambers.

Gaius was tending to Gwaine when he heard the door clatter open. Arthur and Leon lowered Merlin onto one of the empty tables since Gwaine occupied the one bed.

"What happened?" Gaius demanded, paling as he noticed the boy who was practically a son to him was hardly breathing.

"Sorcerer," Arthur answered tightly. "Can you help him?"

Gaius nodded and finished wrapping Gwaine's torso to help his ribs before moving to Merlin's side. Arthur watched, knuckle pressed against his mouth, praying that Merlin wasn't beyond Gaius' skills as a physician.

Finally, he nodded. "I can help. He should be fine."

After that, it was simply a game of patience.

** 0**

Merlin felt the first stirrings of consciousness and groaned. As the darkness started to recede, little by little, the pain began to set in. He sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, remembering the collision of his body with the tree. Finally, he opened his eyes, blinking at the familiar ceiling.

He was in Gaius' chambers. He'd been placed on a makeshift bed. The last thing he could recall was passing out in Arthur's arms. _Oh, how embarrassing_. He knew the King would never let him live this particular incident down. _Oh, Merlin, you fainted like a girl!_

"Merlin?" Gaius appeared above him. "How are you feeling?"

"Not great," he croaked.

Gaius handed him a cup of water and he greedily gulped at it, soothing his throat. With Gaius' help, he sat up.

"You'll be alright, Merlin," Gaius assured him. "You just need to take it easy."

"How's Gwaine?"

"Oh, he's fine," Gaius answered, exasperation at the knight seeping into his tone. "In fact, he's more than fine."

"You'd miss me if I was gone, old man, and you know it."

Merlin grinned as the knight hobbled over, wincing slightly in pain as he settled into the chair beside Merlin.

"I thought we'd lost you for a moment there, Merlin," Gwaine patted the manservant's shoulder. "It's good to see you awake."

"You too," Merlin smiled.

The door clattered open and Arthur strode into the room, pausing briefly when he saw that Merlin was awake and sat up in bed.

"Merlin," he chastised as he approached the three men. "I've had to deal with terrible manservants in your absence. They _bow_ and curtsey."

"Sorry, Sire," Merlin snarked. "Next time I get attacked by a sorcerer I'll do my best not to remain unconscious."

"Make sure you do, otherwise I might put you in the stocks," Arthur smirked. "But it is good to see you well, Merlin. You had us worried for a moment there."

Merlin's smile softened. "Sorry, Arthur."

They settled into easy conversation for a few minutes before Arthur turned to Gwaine.

"Gaius said you were unconscious when the horse reached the court," he said. "Interesting how the horse made it to the castle without a rider to guide it, isn't it?"

"Yes, remarkable," Gaius murmured, eyeing Merlin.

"I woke up just as Merlin was about to set off in the forest," Gwaine answered easily, meeting the King's gaze. "He told me he was going back for you and the others. I managed to stay conscious enough to make it back to the castle. I passed out just as I reached the safety of the court."

Arthur nodded, accepting the response easily, and got to his feet. "I have business I need to attend to. I'll see you later."

They bid the King farewell and waited until he was long gone before Merlin turned to Gwaine, surprised that he'd lied so readily.

"Were you ever going to tell us you have magic?" the knight raised an eyebrow.

Merlin froze, his heart going cold. "I don't know what you're talking about, Gwaine."

"Please," the knight snorted. "I thought I was dreaming when I heard you say those spells, but the horse couldn't have made that trip without the aid of magic. You're a sorcerer."

"Gwaine, I..." Merlin's tongue felt numb. He had no idea what to say.

"He isn't a sorcerer, not really," Gaius told the knight. "He's a warlock. He was _born _with magic. He can't help it."

"I understand," Gwaine nodded slightly. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Why do you _think_?" Merlin shot back, tone bitter. "I don't particularly fancy the idea of being burnt to death, Gwaine."

"But you're not _evil_. You're not like the sorcerers we met. You're certainly not like the sorcerer in the forest. You used your magic to help me. And I may not be the brightest knight in Camelot, but I'm willing to bet you've used your magic numerous times to help us. To _protect_ us. All those falling branches were just too coincidental to be true. I can't believe none of us really put two and two together."

"Gwaine," Merlin pleaded. "Are you going to tell Arthur?"

"No," Gwaine assured him. "Your secret is safe with me, Merlin. You've always stood by me. You've risked your life to save us and to protect Arthur. You'd do anything to keep him safe, wouldn't you?"

"Yes," Merlin nodded. "It's my destiny."

"Then of course I will keep your secret to my grave," Gwaine was serious for once. "You're my friend, Merlin. I will not betray you. But if you were to tell Arthur, I doubt he'd have you executed."

"Magic is outlawed. He would _have _to."

"But I don't think he would. You're his friend."

"Gwaine, I can't," Merlin sighed. "I just can't."

"Fine," the knight relented. "Get some rest, Merlin."

Merlin shifted until he was flat on the bed and closed his eyes.

"Oh, and thank you, Merlin," Gwaine murmured.

"You're welcome."

Merlin drifted into slumber with the sorcerer's words echoing in his head. _He'll eat your heart_. He was plagued by nightmares that night, twisting and turning in bed, but at some point he felt a hand take hold of his own and he knew it was Arthur.


	2. Cuddling Somewhere

**a/n: once again, this is completely unedited, so any errors are the result of my own idiocy. At the risk of sounding obnoxious, I would really love some reviews...please? **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. **

* * *

"Morning, sunshine!"

Merlin ripped the covers away and turned to the window, opening the curtains so blinding sunlight shot into the chambers. Arthur groaned, rolling onto his stomach to bury his face against his pillow and shivered against the cold.

"Go away."

"Not until you get up and have some breakfast," Merlin nudged him. "Come on, get up you royal prat."

Arthur cracked one eye open. It widened comically in surprise. "_Merlin_?"

"That would be me, yes," Merlin poked him in the shoulder. "If you're not up in five minutes I'll make sure your bath is truly cold."

Arthur sat up, smiling as his manservant flitted around the chambers, cleaning and sorting things into the way _he _was used to rather than how the replacement manservant decided was best.

"You're back," he stated.

"Clearly," Merlin drawled.

"How are you feeling?" Arthur demanded, getting to his feet. "Are you sure you're up to work?"

"I'm fine, Arthur," Merlin rolled his eyes at the King's fussing. "I just can't do too much heavy lifting."

Arthur watched as Merlin made sure the breakfast on the table was perfect before glancing at the King's boots to see that they needed cleaning. After a few minutes he glanced up at Arthur, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you going to eat or are you just going to stand there like an idiot?" he snarked. "Honestly, you look as if you've seen a ghost."

Arthur paled. "I might as well be. You were so close to death."

Merlin stilled, his head bowed as he faced away from the King. "I'm fine, Arthur, really. There's no need to worry. Your breakfast is ready."

Arthur snapped out of his brood and sat at the table, digging into his breakfast. He felt more cheerful than he had been recently. His replacement manservant was brilliant and he _loathed _it. The perky attitude, the perfect manners, the decent standard of work. He wanted his friend back, not some irritatingly polite man child. It was good to have Merlin back and clearly in good health again.

Merlin watched the King eat, smiling smugly. He'd had Arthur up and eating within ten minutes. He bet the replacement manservant hadn't been able to achieve _that_. Getting the lazy clotpole up was the hardest part of the job and he knew many manservants before him had failed miserably at the task.

Loathe as he was to admit it, he'd missed Arthur. During his recovery period, the King had visited him a few times but hadn't been able to stay long. It was good to be in his presence again. He'd worried about what trouble the idiot what get himself into without the warlock at his side.

The other knights had also visited. He'd received gratitude and well wishes from the knights he didn't know too well. Elyan, Leon, Percival and Gwaine visited in one large group and they spent an afternoon swapping banter and laughing until both Gwaine and Merlin were doubled over in pain. His friends had kept him company a lot when Gaius was busy and he was grateful. Gwaine, true to his word, had kept Merlin's secret. He'd also visited Merlin on his own several times, full of questions about Merlin's magic. He'd demanded to see a display of it once Merlin had fully recovered. Gwen had visited and given him some flowers. Gaius kept him company when he could. But Merlin had missed his best friend.

"Merlin?"

"Mm?" Merlin glanced up at the King. He'd finished his breakfast and was stood a few feet away.

"You were really scared," he frowned. "In the forest. You were terrified."

Merlin was silent for a long time. During his visits, they hadn't mentioned the hand holding. The warlock was still trying to wrap his head around the surprisingly kind gesture from Arthur and the fact that the touch had calmed and comforted him. He knew the other man would deny doing something as sentimental as holding hands with Merlin if confronted about it, but Merlin was silently grateful for the King's help when he'd been so scared.

"Of course I was," he finally answered. "The sorcerer could vanish and reappear on the other side of the clearing. I couldn't see how we could defeat that kind of power. I thought you were going to die, Arthur."

Surprise flickered in Arthur's eyes as he gazed at the manservant. He'd said 'you', not 'we'. He'd cared more about Arthur being killed than himself. Wordlessly, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the young man in a warm embrace.

Merlin's mouth dropped open in surprise. Arthur, the King, the aloof prat he'd come to know and protect, was _hugging_ him. After a moment of stunned silence, he hesitantly returned the hug, pressing his forehead against Arthur's shoulder. The solid warmth of Arthur's body made him feel more content than he'd been in days.

They stood like that for several minutes until, finally, Merlin pulled away, clearing his throat. Arthur gazed at him for a moment before turning his back, pulling off the shirt he wore to bed and cheerfully tossing it aside.

"I need my armour polishing, my boots cleaning, my sword sharpened, stables mucking out and my chambers cleaned by noon, Merlin," he smirked. "And this afternoon..."

Merlin mentally stored all the instructions, rolling his eyes as Arthur rattled off a long list of mostly unnecessarily chores for the manservant to do.

"Yes, Sire, right away, Sire," Merlin gave a mocking bow and left the chambers, grinning.


	3. Gaming

**a/n: the third prompt in the 30 day OTP challenge is gaming/watching a movie. Since they didn't have movies and it would be hard to incorporate the equivalent of it, I decided to do 'gaming', but obviously not the modern gaming. I've done some research and from what I've seen I **_**think**_** checkers would be around at the time Merlin is set. If I'm wrong, then I apologise. Please review?**

* * *

It was a celebration of Sir Leon's birthday. The evening started with a small feast before Arthur and the knights went to the tavern. They returned to the castle quite late at night and started up a series of games.

Merlin entered the room halfway through a game of checkers between Gwaine and Percival. The others had made a bet on who would win. Leon glanced up and smiled as the manservant carried a tray of cups and water to the table.

"One of the servants said you're all rather drunk," he gave a lopsided grin. "I thought water would help."

"Join us, Merlin," Leon offered, accepting a cup of water.

He blinked, surprised. "Really?"

"You're not a manservant tonight, my friend," the knight told him. "Have you played checkers before?"

Merlin shook his head. He watched a few games and understood the rules after a short while. He was happy at how easily they accepted him into the camaraderie and banter. He sat between Arthur and Gwaine at the table, watching as Leon handed Elyan his ass.

"Merlin," Arthur glanced at his manservant. "Fancy a game?"

He nodded and they moved to sit opposite one another, the game set up between them. Merlin was sure Arthur would beat him. It was a hard game to cheat at, especially with magic, and Arthur had played the game plenty of times before.

However, it turned out that Merlin was a natural at the game. He may not be a King or a knight, but he was good at strategy and to the King's surprise and immense annoyance, the servant beat him four out of the five games. He sat scowling as the other men played a few games, slowly sobering up.

"Don't sulk, Sire," Merlin grinned. "It'll do you good to have that ego knocked a bit."

"Shut up, Merlin," Arthur grumbled. "Beginner's luck."

"Is that a challenge?"

The knights watched in amusement as Merlin and Arthur played several more rounds, the King eager to beat the servant. The more he failed, the more agitated he grew and the wider Merlin's smile got. After a while, however, several yawns echoed through the chambers.

"We should retire," Leon announced. "We have training in the morning."

Arthur didn't respond and the knights shared an amused look. They doubted either man would be leaving until Arthur finally won. Both were too stubborn for their own good.

"Thank you for the celebration, my Lord."

Arthur shot Leon a small smile before focusing his attention on the game. The knights shook their heads at the two men, bid them goodnight, and left.

"Maybe it'll do them good to spend a night together...alone," Gwaine smirked.

"Gwaine," Leon warned evenly. "In their own time."

Inside the chambers, Arthur cursed loudly as he lost yet another game to the now very smug manservant. He glared at the dark haired man.

"Another game," he declared. "I _will _beat you."

Merlin shook his head. "I should retire. After all, I have to get a certain lazy and hungover King up tomorrow morning. I'll need my rest."

"But..." Arthur frowned unhappily. "One more game, Merlin."

"You're determined to beat me, aren't you?" Merlin smirked. "What if I refuse?"

"Extra chores for a week."

Merlin gaped. "That's not fair!"

"One more game," Arthur paused before adding, "Please?"

Merlin groaned but relented, setting up the game again. They were a few moves into the game when Merlin felt the brush of Arthur's foot against his calf. He jumped slightly and looked up at Arthur, eyes wide, but the King was frowning down at the game, thinking through his next move.

Merlin shifted away slightly, but the foot followed. After a while he gave up, shaking his head at Arthur's bizarre behaviour. The foot gently brushed up and down his calf, distracting him at first, but eventually he settled into it and threw all of his concentration into beating Arthur again.

He won, much to Arthur's chagrin. He grinned at the pout on the King's face and got to his feet, stretching. He was surprised to see that it was beginning to grow light outside. Was it dawn already?

"Arthur, we were playing all night!" he said, surprised. He rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"So?" the King shrugged.

"It's alright for _you_," Merlin pointed out. "You're the King. You can sleep in all day if you want to. Leon can take charge of training. _I _have to do chores all day."

"Take the day off," Arthur offered simply. "I'm sure George will be _all _too happy to do your chores today. Get some sleep."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Merlin."

"Oh," Merlin smiled, shocked but pleased. "Thank you, Arthur."

Arthur waved him away as he stood up, yawning. Merlin bowed slightly and headed for the doors, looking forward to a day of sleep and relaxation for once.

"Oh, and Merlin?" Arthur called. "Next time, I _will _beat you."

Merlin snorted quietly but turned slightly, grinning. "Goodnight, Arthur."


	4. On A Date

"Merlin."

The manservant jumped, several pieces of armour clattering to the floor. Considering Arthur was weighed down by chainmail, he managed to move completely silently. The King shook his head in amusement as Merlin tripped over his own feet trying to gather the bits of metal.

"Yes, Arthur?"

"Are you busy later?"

Merlin frowned. "Well, I have to clean out the stables, sharpen your sword and clean your boots."

"I'm sure George can do it."

"He already covered for me yesterday," Merlin pointed out.

"It's his _job_, Merlin. He's a servant." He said the word with the usual haughtiness.

"So am I!"

"_Any_way," Arthur continued smoothly. "I'm planning on spending the day with Lady Ysmay in the forest. You will join us."

"Arthur, has it ever occurred to you that I don't particularly enjoy being the third wheel on your dates?"

"You're my manservant, Merlin," Arthur replied dismissively. "Have the picnic ready for noon."

** 0**

George hated him. Merlin knew it. However eager he was to serve the King, the look on the boy's face had been murderous when Merlin had told him he was to do the chores that afternoon.

Merlin kept behind the King and the Lady Ysmay, trying to keep the basket of picnic things balanced. Ahead of him, Arthur laughed loudly and Merlin rolled his eyes.

The Lady Ysmay was beautiful, truly stunning; petite with waist length chestnut ringlets, delicate features, rosy lips and wide blue eyes. Today she wore a gold dress trimmed with lace and a velvet cloak. But her personality was as dull as anything. Merlin doubted she'd said anything truly amusing, yet Arthur laughed anyway. He'd do anything to bed a woman.

Lady Ysmay's handmaiden, Sybille, was also with them. She trotted along next to Merlin, offering him secretive smiles now and then, but did not speak.

Arthur chose a decent spot close a beautiful river. Merlin tied up the horses, set out the blanket and started to lay out the food. When he was done, he bowed to the King and Ysmay and turned to leave. Gaius had asked him to pick some herbs while he was out and it seemed a better task than lingering, having to listen to Arthur's flirtations. Nothing could be more boring than that.

"Oh!" Ysmay suddenly gasped, jumping to her feet. "I'm afraid I must go, Arthur. I'm not feeling well."

Arthur barely frowned. "Oh. I hope you feel better soon."

"Thank you," she curtseyed and mounted her horse.

With Sybille at her side, she disappeared back the way they had come. Merlin sighed and bent down to pack away the picnic food. Well, _that _had been a waste of time. To his surprise, Arthur didn't seem too bothered by the Lady's haste to leave. His date was ruined, yet he stretched out languidly on the blanket, smiling lazily as he tilted his face up to the sun.

"Don't pack up," he ordered.

"But your date's ruined," Merlin frowned. "We should return to the castle. I'm sure George will be glad to be relieved of the chores."

"Join me, Merlin."

Merlin started in surprise. "Sire?"

"We can't let this food go to waste," Arthur shrugged. "Take the afternoon off with me."

Merlin hesitated before sitting beside Arthur on the blanket. He stretched out lazily, enjoying the rest and the feel of the warm sun on his body. He put his arms behind his head as a pillow and closed his eyes. It felt nice.

"You can eat, you know," Arthur sounded amused.

Merlin sat up and eyed the spread of luxurious food in front of him. Finally, he picked a strawberry and bit into it.

"You don't look bothered that your date was ruined," Merlin observed, chewing. "Ysmay is very beautiful."

"She is, isn't she?" Arthur replied, eyeing Merlin thoughtfully. "So is her handmaiden. I think she liked you. Any interest?"

Merlin laughed. "Don't think about matchmaking, Arthur. Heaven forbid you do, it would be a disaster." He sucked on another strawberry, thinking through the question. "I'm not sure. I've only really had true romantic feelings once before."

Arthur glanced up, surprised. "Oh?"

"Yes," Merlin said quickly, not wanting to talk about it. "But I'm a servant, Arthur. More importantly the servant of the _King_. I'm too busy for romance."

"Hmm."

"You never answered my question about Ysmay."

"It wasn't a question, Merlin."

Merlin sighed and rolled onto his back, closing his eyes against the sun. To think for a moment they were almost having an actual conversation.

"Yes, she's beautiful," Arthur said after a moment of silence. "But she's incredibly dull. She doesn't make me laugh."

"Really? You seemed to be laughing a lot earlier," Merlin grinned. "Maybe you just caught a sight of your own reflection."

Arthur laughed loudly, shaking his head. "You just earned yourself an extra load of chores."

Merlin merely smirked, stretching languidly in the sun. He thought through recent events and a sudden thought hit him. He blinked, turning his head to look at Arthur.

"You set this up, didn't you?" he accused.

"Yes."

"Hmm," Merlin frowned. Perhaps Ysmay wasn't as simple as he'd originally thought. "Why?"

"Why not?"

"Arthur," Merlin gave a cheeky smile. "Is this a date?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Merlin," he scoffed. "I just thought, considering recent events, an afternoon off like this would be nice."

"Aw," Merlin smirked. "So it _is _a date. I didn't think I was your type, Arthur. It certainly explains your lack of wife."

"Shut _up_, Merlin," Arthur grumbled. "It's not a date."

"Whatever you say, Sire."

* * *

**a/n: next up: 'kissing', which I am very much looking forward to :)**

**Review?**


	5. Kissing

"Are you going on the hunt this afternoon?"

Merlin glanced up at Brom, Sir Leon's servant. "Hunt?"

"Yeah," he nodded, polishing a piece of armour. "King Arthur organised a hunt this afternoon. All the knights are going. Sir Leon requested my presence." He glanced up at his friend, frowning. "You weren't told?"

"No," Merlin replied shortly.

"Oh," Brom floundered, embarrassed. "Well, I...I'm sure there's a good reason..."

Merlin left without a response, scowling as he hurried down the castle corridors. Why hadn't Arthur told him he had a hunt planned for that afternoon? Sure, the King was an ass, but he normally gave Merlin some notice so he could prepare the armour and horses.

He turned the corner sharply and let out a low '_oof_' as his body collided with someone else's. He looked down to where Gwen had fallen, linen scattered around her, and blushed deeply.

"Sorry," he cleared his throat and helped her up before collecting the linen in a neat pile.

"Clumsy as ever," Gwen smiled warmly up at him, her eyes shining.

Merlin smiled back. Gwen, despite her fling with Lancelot, had never really gotten over her small crush on Merlin. Nothing had happened between them – he valued her friendship too much to lead her on – but he was grateful he had such a sweet friend. He handed her the pile of linen.

"I'll see you later, Gwen," he promised.

She realised she was staring and blushed slightly, clearing her throat. "Bye, Merlin."

She hurried off down the corridor, ducking her head slightly. Merlin watched her go with a fond smile before entering Arthur's chambers. The King glanced up from the work on his desk in surprise as the manservant made his way over to the table where the pieces of Merlin's armour were scattered,

"Merlin?" he asked. "What are you doing?"

"I thought your armour might need polishing for the hunt this afternoon," Merlin slid a fingertip over the cold metal. "But I see you already got someone else to do it. Makes sense, since you chose not to tell me about the hunt."

"Merlin..." Arthur sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Don't make a big deal out of this."

"Oh, I'm not," Merlin worked to keep the hurt out of his voice. "I have chores to do. I'll see you when you return from the hunt."

He turned to leave, but Arthur was faster than he anticipated. He put a hand on Merlin's shoulder, stopping him. Reluctantly, Merlin turned to face the King.

"I just thought you'd like an afternoon off, Merlin."

"Another one?" he asked incredulously. "This is my _job_, Arthur."

Arthur was silent for a long moment before finally admitting, "Last time we went on a hunt you almost died."

"So did Gwaine, Percival _and _Leon, but you're not excluding them from the hunt." Merlin pointed out.

"You hate hunts!"

"I still want to go," Merlin pushed. "I'm your servant, Arthur."

The King frowned but finally relented. "Fine. Prepare the horses. We ride out shortly."

Confused by Arthur's strange behaviour, Merlin gave a small bow and left, puzzling it over in his mind. What had caused Arthur to act like this?

** 0**

Merlin didn't stay by Arthur's side during the hunt. He didn't like watching innocent animals being killed for _fun_. Plus Arthur was still acting oddly and he was still angry at being originally excluded from the hunt.

He didn't really want to be near the knights, either. They kept smirking and sharing secretive looks whenever he or Arthur were nearby. He didn't understand it and it was beginning to irritate him. He stayed with the horses for a while, listening to the sound of the knights hunting nearby.

He sat down, back against a tree, and placed a hand on the ground in front of him. His eyes flashed gold and a patch of beautiful flowers instantly grew, their sweet scent cloying in the air. They were a spot of colour against the otherwise dismal forest.

"You really should be more discreet," an amused voice sounded from behind him.

Merlin glanced back at Gwaine, shrugging. "Arthur's too busy killing animals to notice."

"Ooh," Gwaine grinned, sitting beside him. "Trouble in paradise?"

Merlin rolled his eyes but didn't respond. His eyes flashed gold again and a beautiful silver flower sprouted from the ground.

"Flowers, Merlin? Really?" his companion smirked. "A powerful warlock and you spend your time growing flowers. Are you _sure _you're not a girl?"

Merlin used magic to shove Gwaine back and the knight chuckled, holding his hands up in surrender.

"Alright, alright," he smirked. "So, what's up? You've been sulking all afternoon."

"It's nothing, Gwaine," Merlin got to his feet, brushing dirt off his clothes. "You should return to the hunt. Isn't that how you knights express your masculinity? By killing harmless animals?"

Gwaine blinked, surprised by the venom in Merlin's words. "Ouch. Okay."

"Shit, sorry, Gwaine, I didn't mean that," Merlin sighed. "Just ignore me."

Gwaine gazed at him for a moment, frowning, but eventually nodded. "Come on, before his Highness notices we're missing and pitches a fit."

Merlin grinned and started walking with the knight.

He didn't mean to stray, he really didn't, but he was so lost in thought that he didn't notice he was drifting away until he suddenly realised that he was alone and he had no idea where he was. He swore under his breath and turned in a circle, biting his lip.

"Gwaine?" he called. "Arthur?"

There was no reply. He mentally cursed his stupidity and started walking aimlessly, praying he'd find his way back to the knights or the horses. Ten minutes in, he tripped over the root of a tree and hit the ground hard, crying out loudly as burning pain flared in his knee. He sat back, examining his leg. His trousers were ripped and bloodstained, but there was too much dirt to see the extent of the damage.

He pushed his way to his feet and winced as the pain flared. He limped forward at a slow pace, swearing with every step. Sometimes he understood why Arthur called him a moron. Sometimes, like today, he could be a really stupid prat.

It took him another hour of painful limping his way through the forest until he heard voices. He released a sigh of relief and stumbled faster until he saw the group of knights ahead, stood around the horses. He smiled until he saw their expressions, ranging from sadness to fury. He frowned and took a step forward, snapping a twig in the process.

The knights spun around, swords raised, before realising who the intruder was.

"_Merlin_!" Arthur lowered his sword, eyes wide with surprise.

He strode forward, taking Merlin by the shoulders and looked him up and down, taking in the damaged leg.

"What happened to you?" he demanded. "Did they do this to you?"

"What? Did _who_ do this to me?" Merlin blinked, surprised by the anger in the King's voice. "What happened?"

"Bandits, Merlin," Leon stepped forward, throwing a wary glance towards his King. "We were ambushed. We fought them off but some of them got away. When we realised you weren't with us and none of us had seen you in hours, we thought that perhaps they'd taken you...or worse."

"Oh," Merlin's eyes widened in realisation. "_Oh_. I'm fine, honestly. I didn't encounter the bandits. I, uh, tripped over a tree root." He gave a sheepish smile. "Are any of you hurt?"

"We're fine," Elyan assured him with a smile. "Just glad to see our fears were wrong."

"Come on," Leon put a hand on Arthur's shoulder. "We should return to Camelot."

Slowly, the King released Merlin's shoulders and took a step back, rubbing a hand over his face as he calmed down.

"Bandits?" Merlin asked after a while of travelling in silence. "So close to Camelot?" The idea troubled him.

"Yes," Leon's tone was clipped; he was equally troubled.

Merlin released a breath but didn't continue the conversation. The knights looked exhausted and still angry from the incident. They continued on in silence, the sky above them gradually darkening as they drew nearer to Camelot.

There wasn't any serious damage to his leg. His knee was badly cut and bruised. Gaius put some ointment on it and wrapped it up, telling him to take it easy for a while. He shook his head as he turned away from the boy. Like the knights, he was also shaken up by the incident; to see Merlin wounded so soon after the sorcerer had almost killed him troubled him.

"I don't know how you manage to get yourself into these things, Merlin," he grumbled. "But I suggest you stop it."

"I'm sorry," Merlin smiled apologetically. "I'll confine myself to the castle for a while. Not much harm can come to me from doing chores."

"I wouldn't be surprised if it _did_," Gaius shook his head, but there was a warm smile on his face.

** 0**

Merlin limped into Arthur's chambers the next morning to wake the lazy King up. He had to take it easy since he was still recovering from the incident with the sorcerer and now his injured leg, but he could still perform most of his chores.

He stopped halfway towards the bed, surprised to see Arthur already up and dressed, sat at the table. There was no breakfast in front of him.

"You should be resting," Arthur chastised without turning.

"Arthur," Merlin asked hesitantly. "Are you alright?"

"Why?"

Merlin blinked. "Well...you've been weird since yesterday."

Arthur abruptly stood and strode towards the manservant, stopping a couple of feet away. "Merlin, do you have any idea how I felt yesterday?"

"Well, I..."

"I thought you were _dead_."

"But I'm not," Merlin offered an awkward smile. "I'm alive. You're can't get rid of me."

"I thought you were _dead_," the King repeated fiercely. "I thought I'd lost you. And...it made some things clear for me."

"Arthur..."

He was cut off by Arthur suddenly grabbing him and pressing him against the wall. Merlin froze, stunned, as Arthur crowded him, his hands on the wall either side of his head, and gazed down at him.

"Arthur," he struggled to speak, his voice hoarse. "I..."

Arthur captured his lips, silencing him. Merlin went completely still, his eyes wide as he stared at the handsome face now so close to his own. Arthur closed his eyes and moved his hands, taking Merlin's hands in his but keeping them against the wall. His kiss was surprisingly gentle, his lips warm but strong against Merlin's. Slowly, he dropped one hand to cup Merlin's neck, pushing his body against the skinnier man's as he parted his lips.

Merlin couldn't move. He was stunned and confused. He didn't kiss Arthur back. He wasn't sure what to do or what he felt. He just felt _shocked_.

When Arthur realised Merlin wasn't returning the kiss he pulled back slightly, gazing down at his friend with gentle blue eyes.

"Merlin?" he asked softly, his voice rough with desire.

"I'm sorry, Arthur, I've, er...I've got to go..."

He wriggled free and made for the door, hastily leaving the chambers. He turned the corner before stopping, sliding down to sit against the cold stone wall. He ran his hands over his face, releasing a trembling breath.

Arthur had just kissed him. _Arthur_. He'd _kissed_ him. Arthur, a man, had just kissed him. His mind felt frozen, unable to comprehend what had just occurred. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, resting his head back against the wall.


	6. Wearing Each Other's Clothes

The next morning, Merlin woke up more exhausted than he'd been when he'd gone to bed. He'd spent the whole day doing his chores but avoiding Arthur. The King had made this fairly difficult by sending knights and servants to fetch his manservant. When Merlin had given them excuses to avoid it, Arthur sought him out himself. But he'd managed it.

The chores and desperation to avoid Arthur kept his mind busy during the day, but when he went to bed and had nothing to do he started thinking, which was something he'd been trying _not _to do. It was hard to wrap his mind around the fact that Arthur Pendragon had kissed him. After a couple of hours of trying and failing to comprehend this fact he'd moved on. He'd dissected all his thoughts and feelings about the matter. He was scared it was a trick or some kind of vengeance on Arthur's part. He worried that it meant nothing to Arthur or that he'd got the wrong message from the kiss. He doubted Arthur's true intentions. And then he started doubting himself; had he overreacted? Had he behaved like an inexperienced child?

He had no idea how he'd felt, either. The kiss had been so brief and he'd been so tangled in shock and doubts that he couldn't remember whether he'd actually _enjoyed_ the kiss or not. He still didn't know how he felt about the idea of Arthur kissing him and by the time he fell asleep close to dawn he still had no idea what he was going to do or say.

When he woke up, he decided that he'd attend to his duties as usual. He'd act normal and pretend that the kiss had never happened. He knew it was the cowardly way of dealing with things but it was the easiest. It was ironic, really; the kiss was such an intimate gesture, yet for the first time Merlin truly felt like he was dealing with Arthur Pendragon the King rather than Arthur his friend.

Arthur was already awake when the manservant entered his chambers with a plate of breakfast. He glanced up Arthur, looked mildly surprised to see that he didn't have to wake the King up, but didn't say anything as he moved to the table and set the plate down.

Arthur wasn't sure how to handle the situation. Admittedly, his emotions had gotten the better of him the previous night, but he'd been certain Merlin would respond. He'd misread the signs and assumed Merlin had the same feelings that Arthur had for him. Feelings that were beyond close friendship. When Merlin had pulled away and fled from the room, the rejection had hurt badly. He'd tried to find his friend to talk about it but he hadn't even tried to hide the fact that he was avoiding the King, which was like salt being poured into the wound. Now, however, he just wanted to clear the air and ensure that their friendship wouldn't be injured from the whole incident.

"Merlin," he spoke, sitting up in bed.

"Your bath will be ready soon, Sire," Merlin answered, not looking at him.

"We should talk," Arthur insisted. "About last night. We need to sort this out."

"I'll have your chainmail prepared and your sword blunted for training."

_Right_, so Merlin was just going to avoid any attempts of talking about the kiss. He was going to act like it had never happened. Arthur felt burning irritation swell within his chest but kept his expression even. Fine, if Merlin wanted to pretend like everything was normal, then he would do the same, so long as their friendship remained intact.

Still, his anger got the better of him.

"I'll need my boots, armour and shield cleaned and polished, my chambers cleaned, the stables mucking out. By noon."

It was a heavy workload for one morning and he immediately felt like a petulant child, but Merlin didn't pull a face or make a sarcastic comment. Instead, he fucking _bowed_.

"Yes, Sire."

It took Arthur a moment to pinpoint exactly _why _Merlin's behaviour made him feel cold inside and when he did figure it out he felt another burst of anger. Merlin wasn't treating him like a friend, or even adhering to his usual behaviour towards the King. He was acting like every other servant, polite but distant. He was treating Arthur like a _king_, nothing more. This was new; even from the start he'd been different by blatantly disrespecting Arthur. He felt a chill go down his spine at the idea of no longer having the usual friendly banter with Merlin.

Arthur clenched his jaw. _No_. If Merlin wanted to act like nothing had happened, then fine, but he wasn't going to get away with going all distant. Kiss or not, they were still friends no matter what.

Merlin turned towards the door, pulling a face as soon as Arthur couldn't see it. He wanted to throw something at the obnoxious king's head. All those chores for one morning was just unfair. He reached for the doors but Arthur's voice stopped him.

"Merlin?"

He turned slightly. "Yes, Sire?"

"You look cold."

Merlin shivered as a harsh breeze swept through the chambers. It was a particularly cold day and despite all the winters he'd experienced in the Camelot, he never could get used to the freezing temperatures, nor could he ever remember to wear more layers than normal, so the cold seeped straight through the thin material of his blue tunic.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Will you ever remember to wear another shirt or a _jacket_, Merlin?"

Merlin opened his mouth, ready with a sarcastic retort, but fell silent, eyes widening in surprise as Arthur tugged his shirt off. He handed it to Merlin and walked over to his wardrobe, grabbing a fresh shirt. He pulled it off and turned back to the manservant. He stared at the thick material in his hands, stunned.

"It'll lose the body heat if you don't put it on," Arthur remarked.

Merlin quickly pulled it on and immediately his shivers stopped. It was hot from Arthur's body and combined with the shirt he already wore, the thick material kept the cold away from his skin. Although he was slightly taller than Arthur, he was a lot skinnier, so the shirt was a little large on him. He rolled the sleeves to his wrists.

Merlin thanked Arthur and turned to leave again, but once again Arthur stopped him, this time with a hand on his shoulder.

"I'll be training new knights today," he spoke evenly. "They'll be eager and aggressive."

"I'd wish you luck, but I doubt you need it."

"Then I'll just take this for luck," Arthur snagged the scarf around Merlin's neck and pulled it free.

Merlin frowned, puzzled by the action, but finally nodded.

"Anything else, Sire?"

"No," he smiled. "Dismissed."

** 0**

"Look," Elyan spoke from beside Gwaine where they stood at the side of the training field. "Merlin's wearing Arthur's shirt."

Gwaine followed the line of Elyan's pointing finger and watched as the servant crossed the courts, wearing one of Arthur's shirts that was a little too large on him. He smirked.

"I wonder if the poor lad knows that it'll make people talk," he mused. "He doesn't seem to understand these things."

"Probably not," Elyan shook his head. They both knew that Merlin was far less aware of the bond between him and the King than Arthur.

"Look," Gwaine nodded to where Arthur sparred with one of the new knights.

Elyan glanced up and saw a splash of crimson on the King's wrist as he swung his sword in a wide arc, blocking a particularly harsh strike, and knocked the knight off was Merlin's scarf, he realised after a moment; Arthur had tied it around his wrist.

Gwaine and Elyan shared a grin.

"I believe Leon will be paying up soon."

* * *

**Please review? I would really appreciate some feedback on this.**

**Next up: Cosplaying.**


	7. Cosplaying

"Merlin," Gwaine drawled. "I'm bored."

Merlin glanced up from the mass of armour he was cleaning. "How unusual."

The knight ignored Merlin's sarcastic tone and eyed the chunks of clean metal scattered around Merlin. After a moment an idea popped into his head and he smiled.

"Dress up as me," he suggested.

Merlin snorted, looking at the knight as if he was mad. "What?"

"I'm bored."

Merlin stared at him for a few minutes before mumbling, "I know I'm just a servant, but I'm not a bloody performing monkey."

"No, you're not just a servant," Gwaine replied, tone serious. He looked almost annoyed by the idea. "You're my friend."

The young man blinked, looking slightly surprised by this easy declaration, before grinning.

"I need to finish cleaning Arthur's armour," he said, but they both knew he'd lost the battle of wills.

Gwaine's gaze softened. "Please?"

Merlin rolled his eyes but sprang lightly to his feet. It always startled Gwaine when he did that. The lanky boy was so clumsy, but he sometimes had bursts of graceful energy, silent and lithe as a predator. He stretched lazily, his spine cracking loudly, making the knight wince. Merlin worked too hard sometimes.

"You owe me a favour," Merlin warned with a smile.

"Are you flirting, Merlin?"

Merlin's mouth dropped open in shock and Gwaine laughed. He knew Merlin hadn't been flirting. The poor lad probably didn't even know _how _to flirt. He patted his shoulder and helped gather up Arthur's armour and store it away. He found his mass of chainmail and armour and turned to Merlin, grinning.

It took them a while to work it out. Gwaine had his own servant that helped him to put on all the heavy armour. Merlin couldn't do it himself – it was too heavy and he wasn't nimble enough to secure the metal without help – and the knight struggled to follow the instructions Merlin rattled off. Finally, however, Merlin was laden with Gwaine's chainmail and armour.

Gwaine handed Merlin his sword and shield before snapping on the helmet. He stepped back to stare at the servant for a moment before bursting into loud laughter. Merlin glared at him through the slits in the helmet.

"You just...look so...ridiculous," Gwaine spluttered, snorting loudly.

"Glad you find me amusing," Merlin replied flatly. "Has this pointless exercise rid you of your boredom?"

"Yes," Gwaine repressed another snicker. "Yes, it has. Thank you, Merlin."

Voices reached them from the corridor and to Merlin's surprise, Gwaine stepped back into the shadows by the door. He opened his mouth to ask what was going on when the door to the armoury opened and Arthur and Leon walked in, stopping short when they saw the knight in full armour stood alone in the centre of the room.

"Gwaine," Arthur asked in exasperation, recognising the hilt of the sword as Gwaine's. "_What _are you doing?"

Loud laughter echoed through the armoury as Gwaine stepped up beside Arthur. The King looked at him in surprise before narrowing his eyes on the man stood in front of him.

"Are you aware that impersonating a knight is a crime?" he asked coldly. "With a rather severe punishment, I might add."

Gwaine chuckled again. "Relax, your Highness. It's just Merlin." He removed the helmet and placed it on the table.

Arthur started to laugh at the idea of _Merlin _being dressed as a knight, but he abruptly fell silent when he actually properly _looked _at his friend. The armour looked slightly ridiculous on him since they were fitted for someone with a bigger build, but seeing Merlin in the chainmail and armour, sword held tightly in his hand and the cloak a splash of crimson around him, he could easily see Merlin on a battlefield, grimly defending Camelot. He felt his stomach tighten and swallowed hard. He shouldn't find the sight so arousing, but he did.

Merlin watched the smile fade from Arthur's face as his blue eyes darkened with desire and his stomach flipped, a pleasant shiver running down his spine. He repressed it quickly. _No_. That was wrong, _this _was wrong. It shouldn't feel good. He shouldn't be tempted. Arthur shouldn't either. They were both men, they were _friends_. He shouldn't be having the same flutters in his heart looking at Arthur as he'd had looking at Freya.

He broke the staring contest with Arthur and quickly put down the shield and sword. Leon noticed the servant's sudden urgency to relieve himself of the armour and stepped forward to help, quickly and efficiently taking the chunks of metal off the lithe body. Merlin tugged off the chainmail so he stood in only his tunic and trousers and instantly felt better. He felt like _Merlin _again, not the object of the king's desire.

"Leon, Gwaine," Arthur finally spoke, his voice deeper than usual but steady. "I'll see you on the field in ten minutes."

"Sire," they bowed as the King left.

Merlin didn't look at the two knights as he quickly left the armoury. He turned left despite knowing it would lengthen his journey to the kitchens, simply to avoid bumping into Arthur...alone...after what had just occurred.

Gwaine watched the servant leave with a triumphant grin. He'd succeeded in ensuring Merlin began to recognise his feelings for Arthur...and he'd given Arthur a rather large reminder of his desire for the young man.

"You planned this, didn't you?" Leon accused.

Gwaine gave the oldest knight an innocent look. "Me? I don't know what you're talking about."

"If you cheat again, I'm not paying," Leon warned.

But he matched Gwaine's grin as they remembered the look Arthur and Merlin had shared.


	8. Shopping

"Merlin," Gaius called as his servant jogged towards the door. "Don't forget to get the herbs."

Merlin offered him a reassuring grin before leaving. Oddly, shopping was one of his favourite things to do. It was good to get away from the castle sometimes, to head down to the markets of Camelot and be with people who were like him rather than people who were nobles. It was good to be surrounded by people thriving with life and to get lost in the busy, loud rush of the markets. It was good to get away from Arthur's sometimes overbearing presence and to sink into being himself rather than a servant or a warlock with a pretty hefty destiny, just for a little while. He also liked to go into the forest alone, to be at peace with nature on his own for a short period of time as he collected herbs for Gaius.

However, he was intercepted as he left the castle by Gwen calling out his name. He turned and smiled warmly at her as she hurried towards him, dressed in a patched cloak, a basket nestled against her elbow.

"Good morning, Gwen," he greeted affectionately.

"Merlin," she brushed a stray ringlet of dark hair from her face and smiled. "Are you going down to the markets?"

He nodded. "Join me?"

She thanked him and they walked side by side in comfortable silence. Merlin liked Gwen, he truly did. At first he'd been wary of her crush on him, but he soon saw that Gwen was sweet and caring but also strong and independent. She didn't let her feelings for him interrupt their friendship and she really was a wonderful friend and ally. She brightened his day just by being there. She was one of those people that everyone loved because it was impossible to dislike someone so selfless and kind.

They navigated the markets together, carefully avoiding the crush of bodies swarming the stalls. They went to the forest first, Gwen watching in interest as Merlin located and picked the flowers and herbs Gaius had requested. They were all natural recipes, no magic or sorcery involved, so he didn't hesitate to answer her questions about them, explaining what each plant was and what their healing qualities were. She listened with rapt attention, a soft smile on her lips. He was graceful as his plucked the plants and placed them neatly in the basket.

"You're so wise, Merlin," she said as they returned to the markets.

Merlin blinked in surprise. He'd been called wise before, but by fellow sorcerers and Kilgarrah. He'd been called wise in regards to his powerful magic and his knowledge of spells and his destiny to protect the Once and Future King. He'd never been complimented on his knowledge of nature and medicine.

He flushed, pleased, and ducked his head, a smile on his face.

"You'll be a wonderful physician," Gwen nodded, utter belief of this in her dark eyes. "The _best_, I'd wager."

She wasn't simply flirting. She meant every word. She truly believed every word. Merlin was surprised again. He'd been Gaius' assistant for a long time but he'd never really given much thought to the idea of becoming a physician himself. There had always been an unspoken assumption that when Gaius was too old and tired to work Merlin would take over, but he'd never really _thought _about it.

Now he realised that he liked the idea. He enjoyed the study of nature and medicines. He liked practising the duties of a physician. He liked being useful and helping people. He thought about living in the castle as a physician, helping people, saving lives and still serving Camelot in a different aspect. He'd remain at Arthur's side as the court physician and his friend. He'd maybe have a wife and children. He blinked as the idea planted firmly in his head and his heart. He _wanted _this, he truly did.

He let the realisation sink in, a wide smile blossoming on his face.

"Thank you, Gwen."

She smiled and looked down. "It's alright."

"No, really, Gwen, _thank you_," Merlin insisted.

The wonderful woman didn't even realise how truly magnificent she was. She'd stood by Merlin's side no matter what. She'd just answered all the unanswered questions Merlin had previously had about his future. She'd made him realise what he wanted in life, _his _life rather than what destiny had written out for him.

He leaned down and kissed her cheek, his lips lingering on her warm skin for a second. "Thank you."

She blushed, a pleased smile lighting up her face. "You're truly welcome, Merlin."

They entered the market but as Merlin located the stall he needed, Gwen felt a hand on her elbow and she was pulled aside gently, hidden by a mass of stalls and people. She blinked up at her brother in surprise.

"Elyan?"

He looked troubled. "Gwen, what's going on between you and Merlin?"

"He's my friend," she replied, puzzled. "Why?"

Elyan was never normally protective over potential husbands for Gwen. In fact, he often encouraged his sister to marry and settle down. He'd expressed his approval of Merlin when he'd first met the young man, despite Gwen's flustered insistence that she didn't view Merlin in that way.

"Gwen, are you in love with Merlin?"

Gwen blanched at the bluntness of her brother's question. Love? No, not quite. She cared for Merlin deeply and there was definitely attraction there. She had a crush. It wasn't love. Given the chance, it might develop into love, but Merlin was a good man and he'd stopped such a thing from happening to save Gwen pain.

"What's going on, Elyan?" Gwen snapped, flustered and irritated.

"We, the knights, I mean, we have a bet...about Arthur and Merlin," Elyan said quietly, wary of eavesdroppers. "Gwen, Arthur cares for Merlin. Merlin returns these feelings. It won't be long before they both realise it."

Gwen's expression didn't change. She wasn't a fool. She'd seen it, too, the bond between the King and Merlin. She'd seen Elyan's eagerness for the two men to finally see it, but now her brother was troubled because he feared for Gwen's heart.

"Merlin cares for me, too," she replied quietly. "I will not encourage it. I will remain his friend and I will hope for more."

"And what of the King's feelings?" he demanded angrily.

"Until such a time as the King expresses these feelings and _Merlin returns them_ of his own volitions, then my feeling will not change," she answered, her voice strong and even. "Don't fear for my heart, Elyan. I care for Merlin but if he chooses Arthur, I will not die because of it. I will remain his friend and nothing more. The pain will ease."

"If Merlin chooses you?"

Gwen smiled sweetly. "Then I'm sure we will have lovely children."

"Gwen!" Elyan cried, appalled.

"You deserved that," she pointed her finger at him. "Merlin is a good man. He will not hurt me, Elyan, you know that. He isn't a bumbling fool who will trample my heart in his quest for Arthur. He will be careful and he will respect me."

"I know."

"Good," Gwen smoothed down the skirt of her dress. "I should return to Merlin. He'll be worried."

Elyan leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I did not mean to upset you, dear sister. I'm just worried."

"I know," she softened, smiling affectionately. "But you needn't be."

"I know," he echoed.

She bid him goodbye and returned to Merlin, who smiled in relief when he saw she'd merely gotten lost in the crowd. They returned to the castle side by side.

** 0**

"Elyan."

The knight jumped in surprise at the sound of the king's voice and turned, bowing slightly. "Arthur."

"Join me?" Arthur nodded to the throne room.

Elyan followed the king into the room, shutting the doors behind him as instructed. He hovered nervously by them as Arthur moved to stand by the window, gazing out at Camelot. Arthur was acting like the king, his superior, rather than his friend, so Elyan knew that whatever it was going to be discussed was serious. Sometimes he pitied Arthur as he sometimes had to cross the fine line between being their friend and their king. It would be a hard balance to maintain.

"You are one of my most loyal and trusted knights, Sir Elyan," Arthur spoke without turning. "I hope that whatever will be said here will not leave this room."

"Of course not, Sire," Elyan promised, meaning it. No matter what Arthur wanted to discuss, he would not betray his king.

"Is there anything going on between Merlin and Gwendolyn?"

Elyan blinked in surprise and puzzlement. He hadn't been expecting _that_. Who was Gwendolyn? Another servant?

"Gwendolyn, Sire?" he asked, uncertain.

"Your sister, Elyan," Arthur gave him a pointed look.

"Oh," Elyan realised. "_Oh_. You mean Guinevere."

"Yes," Arthur looked a little sheepish. "Sorry."

Elyan waved the apology away. Arthur was the king. If he managed to remember the name of every servant in Camelot, related to the knights or not, it would be a miracle.

"Well?" Arthur asked impatiently. "Is there anything going on between them?"

Elyan paused, wishing he was anywhere but here. He wasn't sure how to answer. He didn't want to betray his sister but he couldn't lie to his king, either. Damn Arthur for putting him in this situation.

"I'm not sure what you mean, Sire," he finally hedged.

Arthur gave him an exasperated look. "I saw them in the markets, Elyan, laughing together. Merlin kissed her."

"On the cheek," Elyan hurried to remind the king, whether to protect his sister's honesty or to reassure Arthur, he wasn't sure. "I believe they are just friends, Arthur, nothing more. Merlin has been a very good friend to Gwen and vice versa. They have a close bond but a platonic one."

He winced; the last part was stretching the truth a bit. Gwen did have a crush on Merlin. But it wasn't _love_, so he decided he wasn't really being dishonest to his king.

Arthur was silent for a long time, letting this sink in. He gazed at the knight for a moment before nodding, accepting Elyan's answer.

"Do you approve of Merlin?"

"Do I...?" Elyan blinked. "Well, I, yes. I do. He's a very good servant and he is incredibly loyal to us and to Camelot. He is a good man and an even better friend."

A small smile touched Arthur's lips at Elyan's apt description of Merlin, but there was a little impatience in his blue eyes.

"What I _meant_, Elyan," he slowly clarified. "is do you approve of Merlin as a husband for your sister?"

Elyan's mouth went dry. Why would Arthur ask such a question if he had feelings for Merlin?

"I..." he croaked and cleared his throat before continuing quietly, "Yes, I do. As I said, he is a good and loyal man. He would be loyal to her and would love her completely, without fail. He would keep her safe and give her a decent life."

"I see."

"Don't you approve of him, Sire?"

Elyan immediately regretted the question. He knew it was overstepping the boundaries and pushing Arthur with his repressed feelings for Merlin was a foolish idea.

Arthur looked surprised by the question, but he didn't get angry or avoid answering. He thought his answer through carefully before giving a reluctant nod.

"Yes, of course I do," his voice was steady, but pain touched his words. He turned his back to avoid looking at the knight. "You're right. Merlin would be a good husband to Gwen, or to whoever he chooses as his wife. He is a very good man. He would be an even better husband. His wife will be a lucky woman."

What had meant to be a simply answer quickly spiralled into an admittance of his feelings for Merlin and his fear at the idea of him marrying a woman and settling down. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he recovered control of the situation.

Elyan gazed at his king, torn. "Arthur..."

"Dismissed."

He hesitated, unsure.

"_Dismissed_," Arthur repeated, his tone harsher.

Elyan quickly bowed and left the room, walking calmly down the corridor and away from the guards before releasing the breath he'd been holding. He rubbed his hands over his face, swearing loudly.

He was completely torn in half. Who did his loyalty in this matter belong to? Which was more important – Arthur's happiness or Gwen's?

His sister or his king?


	9. Hanging Out With Friends

"They're doing well," Leon commented.

Merlin glanced up from his place beside Arthur and watched two of the youngest men who were training to be knights spar on the field. Several people stood on the opposite side of the training field to watch, enraptured by the art of sword fighting and Arthur's easy power and guidance as he trained them.

The knights stood in a close crowd away from the men training to be knighted and the public, Merlin with them.

"Yes, they are," he mumbled absently as Arthur walked onto the field.

Like the other spectators, he watched, completely enthralled, as Arthur corrected some of the sparring techniques, moving swiftly and gracefully with his sword. There was so much power in his body as he swung, blocked and parried, performing the difficult methods with practised ease. He truly was brilliant.

"Not subtle, Merlin," Gwaine breathed in his ear.

Merlin turned red, embarrassed to be caught staring, and turned his attention to the ground. Gwaine chuckled.

"You can stop fooling yourself anytime now," he pointed out. "Arthur's not pretending anymore. You're just hurting both of you by fighting this."

"Since when did you become a love advisor?" Merlin snapped harshly. "Arthur is my king and my friend."

Gwaine rolled his eyes but relented, stepping away from the manservant. Merlin's posture remained rigid as he pushed the implications of Gwaine's statement out of his mind. Him and Arthur...lovers? How ridiculous.

Arthur joined them again as the two trainee knights began to spar again, eager to impress their king.

"Merlin," he turned to his servant. "I've organised a hunt for tomorrow afternoon."

Merlin's face fell. "Oh."

"What is it?"

"Nothing, Arthur," he reassured him.

"Don't be silly, Merlin," Percival interrupted, irritated by the servant's unwavering obedience to the arrogant king. "Arthur, you _know_ you gave Merlin tomorrow off."

"I require his presence on the hunt."

"It's just..." Merlin spoke up before he could help it. He bit his lip, faltering.

"Yes?" Arthur raised an eyebrow.

"Gwen and I planned to spend the afternoon in the forest," Merlin mumbled. "I need to collect some plants for Gaius and Gwen wished to join me."

"A picnic, Merlin?" Leon smiled.

Merlin's ears turned red. "Yes."

"I see," Arthur rocked back on his heels.

There was an uncomfortable pause in the conversation as the knights glanced wearily at Arthur, assessing his reaction to the news. They knew it wasn't a date, even Gwen was aware it wasn't a romantic picnic, but they doubted Arthur would see it that way.

"Well," Arthur spoke after a moment. "Gwen can join us."

"_Join us_?" Elyan spluttered, appalled. "On a _hunt_?"

"Is there a problem, Sir Elyan?" Arthur asked icily.

"A hunt is no place for a woman!"

"How charming and sexist," Percival drawled. "Don't be ridiculous, Elyan. I'm sure Gwen would love to go on a hunt with us."

"She has expressed her curiosity about it in the past," Merlin nodded. "I'll ask her."

"Then it is sorted," Arthur nodded firmly, ignoring Elyan's protests.

Without another word, he turned and returned to the field.

** 0**

Guinevere was perfectly on time. She wore a simple dress and cloak that would be perfect for riding, her dark curls piled on top of her head. Arthur watched from his horse as she greeted Merlin with a bright, excited smile. He assessed her as a man would normally scrutinise a woman and realised she was really rather beautiful. It wasn't just a superficial perfection, either, but a light that shone from within her. Her personality was beautiful and alluring, too. No wonder Merlin was drawn to her.

"Gwen," Merlin kissed her cheek. "Good afternoon."

"Good afternoon, Merlin," she smiled before turning to Arthur and delivering a perfectly executed curtsey. "Thank you for allowing me to accompany on this hunt, my lord."

"You're welcome," he replied politely, keeping his expression pleasant. "We leave shortly. Are you prepared?"

She affirmed that she was and returned to Merlin's side, preparing her horse. Merlin helped her and quietly said something as they worked, eliciting a laugh from the young woman. Arthur ignored the sting he felt in his chest. _This is absolutely ridiculous_, he thought fiercely. _It's just __**Merlin**_.

He shouldn't have feelings for a servant, especially a male one. But he was tired of repressing them and sick of seeing Merlin entertain the affections of another person. A young, beautiful woman at that.

Gwen mounted her horse but, rather than sitting sideways as a lady was expected, she sat on the saddle like a male, her dress hiking up around her calves. Elyan spluttered indignantly, clearly embarrassed by his sister's behaviour.

"Elyan," Merlin laughed. "You can't expect her to ride with the proper etiquette on a hunt. Relax, she looks fine."

Elyan frowned but relented, shaking his head slightly at his sister. She gave him a mischievous smile in return and shook a loose curl out of her face. Arthur took off at a slow trot at the front of the group and the knights followed in proper formation, altering it slightly to keep Gwen protected in the middle of the circle.

"They're very chivalrous," she chuckled to Merlin, who rode beside her for company. "What do they expect will happen? A deer will attack me?"

Merlin laughed. "Perhaps a squirrel might give you a fright."

She grinned and they rode on in comfortable silence into the forest, picking up the pace slightly. Conversations erupted around them, banter and laughter ringing out from the group, and Merlin smiled. It was nice to be around friends.

"You know," he said to Gwen. "They have this tradition when a new knight accompanies them on his very first patrol or hunt. They tell him that he has to sit backwards on the saddle and navigate that way. They claim it is a test of strength and trust, but really they just like to tease them."

Gwen laughed. "I'm not surprised."

"We did it to Merlin once," Percival grinned. "He spent three hours riding backwards on his saddle with such a serious, determined expression. It was worthy of applause, really, how determined he was, but his face when we told him the truth! He sulked for a whole day."

Merlin flushed slightly. "Yes, well," he smiled smugly. "I got my revenge by making Percival's porridge extra watery."

"It was _my _porridge that was extra watery!" Leon exclaimed, indignant.

"Oh..." Merlin smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. My mistake."

Laughter erupted from the group and Gwen shook her head at Merlin, her eyes warm when she saw the carefree grin on his face. The banter continued for a few minutes, Gwen surprised to see how easily Merlin was included despite being a servant, when Arthur called from the front of the group.

"Merlin!"

Merlin rolled his eyes at Gwen. "His Royal Prattishness calls," he announced, eliciting another round of laughter from the group.

He rode to the front of the group, stopping beside Arthur. "Yes, Sire?"

"You're supposed to ride at front with me," he reminded the servant calmly.

"Sorry, Sire," Merlin struggled to keep his tone pleasant. Why did Arthur have to behave like such a prat sometimes?

Arthur glanced at his servant before smiling. "His Royal Prattishness?"

"It seems fitting at the moment," Merlin defended.

Arthur rolled his eyes but chose not to comment. They stopped in a clearing but didn't start hunting for a while. Instead they set up camp and sat in a close circle, indulging in further banter. Gwen was a little uneasy at first but was soon pulled into the conversation and joined in with her own jokes and stories. Merlin watched fondly, glad that she seemed comfortable.

Merlin finished telling the group about the time he'd had to pick up Gwaine from a tavern and, somehow, they'd ended up insulting a carpenter and being chased back to Camelot by a rather excitable goat. The group erupted into loud laughter and Arthur reached over casually to ruffle Merlin's hair, his warm fingers lingering on the nape of the servant's neck.

Goosebumps spread over Merlin's flesh as he shivered pleasantly. The reaction shocked and unnerved him and he glanced at Arthur with wide eyes as the touch became a gentle caress on Merlin's neck. _What was he __**doing**_?

Arthur stared back calmly, but something was glinting in his blue eyes. Slowly, he trailed his fingers across Merlin's shoulder before pulling away completely. Merlin turned red and glanced wildly at the group, but they all seemed too caught up in the conversation to notice what had occurred between the king and his manservant.

Merlin avoided looking at Arthur as he threw himself back into the conversation. He didn't respond to Arthur's looks and when the king reached out, he shuffled away, closer to Gwen. His positive reaction to Arthur's casual touch worried him. It wasn't right but it had felt so good. How was that even possible? To feel for a man what he should feel for a woman?

Arthur abruptly stood up, his expression carefully blank.

"We should hunt," he announced, his voice cold.

The hunt and the journey back to the castle was silent. Despite being with friends, Merlin and Arthur remained quiet. Arthur angry by Merlin's cold reaction and Merlin trying to work out why he'd responded so pleasantly to Arthur's touch.

When they arrived back at the castle, they all went their separate ways without a goodbye.


	10. With Animal Ears

**a/n: warning: story gets a little dark here. Completely unedited. Thanks for the reviews! **

* * *

_Emrys_...

Merlin stirred in his sleep, frowning slightly as his dreams were invaded by a cold, whispery voice like a winter breeze. He rolled onto his front and mashed his face against his bed.

_Emrys...wake up, Emrys..._

He groaned as the voice interrupted his sleep again. Slowly, his mind split from the dream world and he realised that the voice was not a manifestation in his dream but very real. His eyes snapped open in the darkness.

_Emrys...I'm coming for Arthur, Emrys...I'm __**coming**__._

If the voice was like a winter breeze, when it reached the word 'coming' it grew into a violent, loud storm in his head, full of rage and violence but still taunting him. His magic erupted in response, flooding his system and thrashing to be released, like a caged bird.

He sat bolt upright in bed, gasping for breath as his magic settled down again. He searched for the presence in his mind but found nothing but his own panicked thoughts. After a moment he swung his legs out of bed and winced as the soles of his feet hit the cold stone floor. He could hear Gaius snoring loudly from below and rubbed his eyes tiredly. It could only be the early hours.

_Emrys..._

It was a whisper again, mocking him. He jumped out of bed and threw on his clothes before creeping out of his bedroom, past Gaius and exiting the chambers. He let his eyes adjust to the darkness of the corridors before navigating the castle, trying to be as quiet as possible.

_Hello, Emrys_, _ready to play_?

This time Merlin was prepared for the taunting presence in his mind and he quickly reached out before they could vanish again, answering their call.

_What game are we playing_?

_You'll find out soon enough, Emrys. But the price is Arthur's life_.

Merlin swore quietly. It always had to be the bloody king's life that would be endangered in these things, didn't it? He saw movement in the darkness ahead and froze, straining to see better. He saw the swish of a cloak on the floor as whoever it was turned a corner.

Now he knew that whoever this person was, they were definitely in the castle. Instead of following the intruder as he was tempted to do, he turned left to where two guards were stationed outside Sir Leon's room.

"Intruder!" he shouted, pointing in the direction the person had gone. "They went that way!"

One guard immediately took off after the intruder, the other running in the opposite direction to sound the bells. Merlin didn't hesitate; he followed the guard, aware that, since they'd contacted him telepathically, they had magic. He couldn't let the guard face that alone.

The bells rang out loudly and he heard the clatter of guards converging. He turned a corner and almost tripped over the body of the now dead guard. He stopped short, staring at the cloaked figure as it turned to face him. The cloak shone emerald in the moonlight and he saw a flash of long red hair.

"Stop," he warned quietly.

_Emrys_, she laughed in his mind. _I'm so looking forward to playing our little game._

He heard the footsteps getting nearer and took a step forward, uncertain of what to do. His hesitation cost him; the sorceress suddenly flew at him, using magic to shove him roughly against the wall. He dropped to his knees, stunned and winded, and blinked up at her as she pressed the point of her dagger to his throat.

_**Pathetic**_, she scolded. _I was hoping for so much better_.

Sir Leon rounded the corner, several guards following close on his heels. He took a second to realise what was happening and quickly raised his sword.

"Release him," he shouted.

The sorceress merely laughed. "Catch me if you can!" she trilled, a light Irish accent caressing her voice.

She took off running, faster than any of them could anticipate. The guards took off after her but Leon hesitated, looking down at Merlin.

"Go," he encouraged.

Leon nodded and rushed off, his footsteps fading quickly. Merlin remained slumped in the corridor for a long time, letting the lingering effects of the sorceress' magic vanish before staggering to his feet.

He didn't need to be told what he already knew: the sorceress had escaped.

** 0**

Considering the extent of the sorceress' magic, Merlin had gotten off lightly with a few bruises and a small cut on his throat from the dagger. But he knew she hadn't been aiming to kill or maim badly, simply frighten. She had a whole game planned for him.

Gaius gazed at a battered and tired Merlin as he started eating his breakfast.

"So she wants to kill Arthur," he murmured.

"I don't think so," Merlin swallowed slowly. "I mean, yes, she will kill him and won't hesitate to do so. But he's merely a tool used to drag me into this game. She knew that if his life was at risk, I would do what she wanted. The game itself is designed for me."

"I see," Gaius looked troubled by the idea. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know, Gaius," Merlin admitted. "Do what I always have done, I suppose: protect Arthur."

"Merlin," his mentor warned. "This game is clearly designed to hurt you or worse. It will change you. We can't know for sure what it will entail but I know that if you do survive, you will be changed forever. Why else would she do it?"

"I know. But Arthur's life is worth so much more than mine. I will do whatever it takes to keep him safe."

"Just be careful, my boy."

"I will, Gaius."

He left Gaius to do his duties as Arthur's manservant. Things had been a little strange between them since the hunt with Gwen. He hated it but he couldn't see a way to fix things. Maybe now they'd be brought back together by the threat of the sorceress.

Arthur was already awake and dressed when he entered the chambers. He gave the king a small smile and put his breakfast on the table, but it went ignored.

"I heard you were involved last night," Arthur murmured. "The sorceress harmed you?"

"Nothing bad," Merlin reassured him. "Just a few bruises."

Arthur gently tugged Merlin's scarf down, assessing the small graze left by the dagger. After a moment he nodded and stepped back, rubbing a hand over his face tiredly.

"Arthur..." Merlin started hesitantly. "What do you plan to do about the sorceress?"

"We don't know what she wants," Arthur shook his head. "So I can't make any resolute plans yet. But I've increased patrols and extended the borders of them."

Merlin nodded, relieved. He knew the sorceress would contact him but in the meantime he was glad to know precautions were in place to keep the people of Camelot safe.

"Are you alright, Merlin?" Arthur asked suddenly. "You look troubled."

"I'm fine, Sire," Merlin lied.

"You can talk to me, you know. I'm not a complete ass."

"Debatable," Merlin laughed. "I'm fine, Arthur, I promise."

"Alright," Arthur nodded, a small smile gracing his face. "Take the morning off. You look like you need some sleep."

Merlin thanked him and left, returning to his chambers. He didn't sleep, however. His mind was too busy trying to calculate the sorceress' next move and how to remain one step ahead.

** 0**

The call came four days later during the night, the wintry voice in his head telling him to ride out alone into the forest. He dressed and quietly exited his chambers. It was easy to sneak past the guards and out of the castle. He took one of the horses and rode out into the forest, a growing sense of unease in his stomach.

He reminded himself that he was doing such a foolish thing to keep Arthur safe in order to avoid giving into his fear. After ten minutes of aimless travelling, the wintry voice in his head sounded again, giving him directions.

A couple of hours later he saw lights ahead and stopped. He dismounted the horse and tied the reigns to a branch, patting its neck once before treading carefully towards the lights. As he got nearer he realised a large tent had been set up deep in the forest, a fire crackling outside.

Merlin took a deep, steadying breath and pushed his way inside the tent.

It was larger than he'd expected and full of strange specimens. He gazed in wonder at the various jars and bottles full of plants and other things he couldn't identify. His eyes fell on a row of shelves and when he peered closer a cold feeling settled into his stomach.

They were jars of ears, animal ears; deer, rabbit, pig, horse, all kinds of animals. There were other various body parts from animals in the tent but he felt drawn the most to the animal ears. He looked down to the bottom row and recognised the ears in _those _jars: human ears.

He bent double and reached out, grasping the table to steady himself as he retched, his stomach rolling horribly. There was a buzzing in his ears as the contents of his stomach threatened to leave.

_Welcome, Emrys._

The cool voice in his mind snapped him out of it and he quickly walked away from the shelves of ears, but kept a large amount of space between them. The sorceress no longer wore a cloak but was clad in a long pale dress trimmed with lace, her red hair smooth to her waist. She turned to face him and he blinked. She was so young and beautiful, with wide green eyes and delicate features. She kept a pleasant expression on her face.

"Welcome," she said again, this time out loud. "Do you like my humble abode?"

"Who are you?" he asked quietly.

"Aofe," she answered simply, softspoken and comforting.

"Why?"

"I'm bored," she sighed dramatically. "Why not play with the feeble servant?" There was a wicked gleam in her eyes. She knew who he really was but still underestimated him. Interesting.

"If I do what you ask," he spoke slowly. "You'll leave Arthur and Camelot alone?"

"Oh, but what would be the fun in that?" she fluttered her eyelashes.

He opened his mouth to reply but suddenly blinked, feeling vaguely...odd. He placed a hand against his head, swaying slightly. He breathed in and a sweet, cloying scent invaded his senses. He could taste strawberries on his tongue and warmth against his flesh. He looked up at Aofe as she slowly drew nearer to him.

"Merlin," she breathed. "Are you scared?"

"No," he murmured, surprised to find he wasn't frightened anymore. He felt...comfortable. Safe.

"Such a young and handsome face," she bit her full lower lip before licking it as she caressed his cheek. "Wonderful cheekbones...but so innocent, too! You're so sweet. You'll be perfect."

He wanted to ask 'perfect for what?' but his tongue felt heavy in his mouth. All he could do was stare at the beautiful woman as she pressed her chest against his, her sweet breath washing over his neck and making him shiver. His blood felt like fire in his veins and he swayed slightly at the overpowering surge of arousal.

"Do you want me, Merlin?" she asked softly, slowly removing his scarf before licking his collarbone.

He tried to fight the foreign feeling of lust. He knew it was magical and not his own but it was so strong and he _wanted _it so much it was hard to resist.

"The ears..." he mumbled. "What...are you?"

"Oh, I use the body parts for spells," she replied absently, sucking at the exposed flesh of his throat.

"Black magic."

"Yes," she chuckled, scraping her teeth against his jaw and eliciting a low groan. "Do you know what I plan to do, sweet one? I will make love to you. And then I'll listen to your screams as I cut you apart to use for my spells."

The imagery should have revolted him, should have terrified him enough to snap him out of it and run, but the lust had taken over his heart and his brain. Instead he moaned loudly and grasped her hips, tilting his head back.

"I'll ask you again, Merlin. Do you want me?"

"_Yes_."

Her lips captured his and she kissed him deeply, touching her tongue against his. He inhaled sharply and pressed against her, kissing back urgently and groaning loudly. She hummed loudly in response.

_Arthur_.

The name flashed unwanted in Merlin's mind and he tensed. The lust fought back, telling him to focus on making love to the beautiful woman in front of him, but instead blonde hair and blue eyes appeared in his mind, refusing to leave.

_Merlin_, it was Arthur's deep voice now. Not in real life, but a manifestation of Merlin's imagination.

It was enough to break him free of the sorceress' enchantment and his eyes snapped open. He pushed back, stumbling away from the sorceress and bent over, bracing his hands on his knees as he panted, feeling like he'd just fought a battle.

"No!" the sorceress snarled. "_How dare you_?"

"What..." Merlin straightened, swaying slightly. "What did you _do _to me?"

"You're stronger than I thought," Aofe pouted. "You must love someone very much. Only real love can break that enchantment."

Her words stunned Merlin. It hadn't been Freya he'd envisioned, but Arthur. _No, not even going there_, he decided.

"You've ruined my fun," Aofe sighed. "And yours. You won't get the chance to lose your precious innocence before you die."

He took a step back, prepared to fight, but her eyes flashed brightly and he froze, his limbs locking. Slowly, without removing her gaze from him, Aofe reached out and grasped a dagger. The blade scraped against the table as she slid it off, making him tremble, and she slowly advanced, her thumb stroking the hilt of the dagger lovingly.

"I admire your strength," she told him sweetly. "So now I'm torn. Because you've impressed me do I give you mercy and kill you first? Or do I adhere to my original plan and cut you up piece by piece?"

So those were his options: die and get cut to pieces, or be alive and screaming as she hacked him up.

She leaned up and licked his earlobe. He shuddered in revulsion and wanted to pull away but whatever spell she'd cast prevented him from doing so. Horror filled him at the realisation that he truly couldn't move.

"I love your ears," Aofe drawled. "Maybe I'll cut them off first."

She pressed the blade of the dagger against the joint of his ear to his head, pressing in slightly. He cried out at the bite of the cold metal to his skin as pure, unadulterated terror filled him. He was trapped and alone and he was going to be cut to pieces by this sorceress. Horrified, silent tears streaked down his face as he trembled but couldn't move a single inch away from Aofe.

"The pain will be over once you lose too much blood," Aofe soothed sweetly. "It'll all be over soon, my sweet."

She pressed hard against the dagger and it began to cut into his skin, drawing blood. He inhaled sharply, choking on his own tears and she laughed quietly.

"_**Halt**_!"

Merlin's knees went weak at the familiar voice. Knights swarmed the tent, weapons at the ready, and surrounded the sorceress. She cried out in outrage, pulling away from Merlin. Arthur took a step forward, his expression calm but rage and fear in his blue eyes.

"It's over, sorceress," he said quietly. "Surrender."

She assessed the situation, expression calculating, before raising the dagger to Merlin's throat, ready to cut it open and kill him. But Arthur was faster; he surged forward and grabbed Aofe's wrist, squeezing it to force her to drop the dagger. It clattered against the ground and he passed her off to the knights dismissively, turning to Merlin.

"Merlin," he spoke softly. "Merlin, look at me."

"I can't move," Merlin gasped. "Oh God, Arthur, I can't...I can't..."

"Yes, you can," Arthur replied calmly. "She has no hold on you now. You can move."

Merlin knew he could; he'd felt the magic release him as soon as Aofe had been interrupted by the knights. After a moment his whole body sagged and Arthur quickly caught him, holding him upright.

"Merlin, please," he whispered. "You're alright now, Merlin. I've got you."

Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur, digging his fingers into his shoulder blades urgently in order to remain upright. He buried his face against his neck, breathing in the musky scent as he sobbed.

"Arthur...oh God...oh _God_...Arthur..."

"Christ, Merlin," Arthur's voice broke slightly. "What did she _do_?"

Merlin didn't answer. He let the tears fall as Arthur held him and he knew that, though the king would never let the knights see it, he was holding back his own tears. Finally, Merlin pulled back, staggering slightly.

Arthur reached out, touching the back of Merlin's ear. His fingertips came back stained with blood.

"We were almost too late," he murmured.

"What...?" Merlin tried to ask, but his tongue still felt too heavy.

"Gwaine saw you leave the castle. He alerted me and we rode out to follow you, but it took us a while to find your trail." Arthur's expression darkened with anger. "Why would you do something so _stupid_, Merlin?"

"Harm you if I didn't," he slurred. "Won't let...you...hurt. Protect you."

Arthur inhaled sharply at that, his eyes widening.

"Sire," Gwaine interrupted. "We should get him back to the castle. He's bleeding quite a bit."

Arthur gave a sharp nod.

** 0**

"You're lucky," Gaius murmured as he cleaned the wound. "Just a nasty cut behind your ear. She didn't get chance to actually do any real or permanent damage."

He finished patching up the cut and handed Merlin a goblet of foul smelling liquid.

"An antidote for her enchantment," he explained. "It'll take you a while to return to your usual self, but you'll be alright eventually, my boy."

Merlin drained the goblet in one go, spluttering in disgust at the thick, repulsive tasting liquid. A coldness seeped through his veins and he felt slightly lightheaded.

"Go sleep, Merlin," his mentor ordered.

Merlin staggered to his feet and with Leon's help went up to his room. He collapsed on the bed, asleep before his head even hit the pillow.

** 0**

"He's sleeping well. No nightmares that I'm aware of. But he won't talk. I can't tell if it is from the enchantment or because he refuses to. He's still slightly vague and confused but that should disappear once the enchantment is completely gone."

"Will he be alright, Gaius?" Arthur asked quietly, gazing down at his sleeping friend.

"I can't be sure."

His gaze snapped up to the physician. "You said the antidote would rid him of the enchantment completely."

"And it will," Gaius assured him calmly. "But Merlin should be better than this by now, yet his disposition has barely altered. I believe there may be some more...emotional damage. We can't be sure what exactly happened unless he tells us. I feared this might happen...I warned him about it."

"About what?"

"That whatever happened might change him forever," Gaius replied solemnly. "Arthur, I fear this incident may haunt him for the rest of his life. If he is different..."

"He's still my friend, Gaius. I will keep him safe."

"Yes, Sire." Gaius bowed and left.

Arthur's fingertips barely brushed the back of Merlin's hand. "Come on, Merlin."

** 0**

Two weeks later, Arthur was surprised to find Merlin waiting for him in his chambers. He hadn't been able to see much of the servant, not really. Merlin had been distant and had refused to talk, not even one word. His dread grew with each day that Merlin's state didn't improve.

Merlin sat at one end of Arthur's long table, his hands clasped in front of him. He looked up when Arthur sat opposite him and the king held his breath.

A small smile raised a corner of Merlin's mouth, but it meant so much to see that familiar glittering in Merlin's blue eyes.

"Arthur," Merlin greeted, the first word he'd said in almost three weeks. His voice was rusty with disuse but strong.

"Merlin," Arthur leaned forward, unsure of how to handle this. "How...?"

"How am I?" Merlin guessed, his smile widening. "I don't really feel like answering that."

Arthur was silent for a long time, gazing calmly at his servant. He knew Merlin was ready to talk and that was what he was here for. He needed his friend right now. So he waited patiently, ready to support Merlin.

"When I got there, I wasn't sure what to expect," Merlin murmured. "The night she attacked the castle, she told me that she wanted to play a game with me and that the price of losing was your life. She contacted me that night and told me where to find her."

"Why you?" Arthur wondered.

"She wanted an innocent servant," Merlin answered bitterly. "I wasn't certain what would happen when I arrived. I didn't realise she'd enchanted me until I managed to fight it. One minute I saw her and the next I saw her as truly beautiful. I _wanted_ her, Arthur. It was this surge of lust and I wanted her."

Arthur stilled. Gaius had warned that the enchantment might involve making Merlin easier to manipulate, but he'd never thought...the idea of Merlin kissing the woman stung, but he shoved aside his own petty feelings to focus on his friend.

Merlin rubbed the healing bruise on his neck where Aofe had bitten him. "She kissed me and I knew without a doubt I was going to make love to her. But then...I just snapped out of it, enough to realise what was happening and fight it. It...angered her."

Arthur blinked, stunned. Merlin had fought the powerful lust enchantment. He was...strong.

"She used body parts for black magic. She was going to keep me alive as she cut me apart to use in her spells." Merlin rubbed the still tender cut behind his ear. "Arthur...I couldn't move. I was stood there as she touched me and was going to cut me apart and I couldn't _move_. I was so terrified."

"Merlin," Arthur didn't know what to say, so he settled for, "I'm sorry."

"I don't regret it. She would have hurt or killed you had I not gone to her. But it's hard to get over that level of fear, to feel back in control after it was ripped away from me." Merlin paused, looking up at Arthur, a cheeky smile on his face. "You were late, you prat."

And Arthur knew then that Merlin was going to be back to his usual self very soon. Merlin was strong like that, quiet but able to bounce back from the worst situations.

"I've been thinking a lot recently," Merlin continued. "And I realised something. I've been avoiding you because I was scared by my reaction to you. I'm sure you've noticed that I return your...erm...affections. But it didn't seem right. We're both men. You're the king, I'm simply a servant. It was _wrong_."

Arthur opened his mouth to speak but Merlin held up a hand, silencing him.

"But the lust I felt for the sorceress, it was hard and fast. It was like a fire consuming me. It was too powerful and it felt so completely _wrong_ that I was utterly repulsed. Everything about it was unnatural and bad. With her the lust was sudden and controlling. With you it is so much simpler, but so much _more_. And I realise now that it feels fundamentally _right_."

Arthur's breath caught as he realised what this was: an admittance and an acceptance on Merlin's part of his feelings towards Arthur.

But he knew it didn't change things. He could see it in Merlin's eyes. He slowly nodded, letting his friend know that he understood.

"You'll be pleased to know you don't have to put up with George any longer," Merlin stood to leave. "I'll be back tomorrow morning."

"So I'm to expect the usual terrible standard, then?" Arthur snarked.

Merlin grinned and swept a sarcastic bow. "Your Royal Prattishness."


	11. Wearing Kigurumis

**a/n: I had no idea how to incorporate this prompt into the era Merlin is set in, so I made it an AU modern. There will only be a couple of these in the story, the rest will fit the same plot arc :)**

* * *

"_Mer_lin," Arthur asked incredulously from the doorway. "What the _hell _is going on?"

Merlin barely flicked a glance in his direction. He was sprawled lazily on the sofa, his feet on Mordred's lap. In fact, the whole group of friends were there; Leon, Lancelot, Gwaine, Percival, Elyan and Mordred. Arthur could hear Gwen, Freya and Morgana laughing in the kitchen of their small flat.

And they were all wearing fucking _onesies_. They ranged in colour and ridiculousness, but they were all animal based. Merlin wore a blue rabbit one and didn't seem to notice Arthur's sheer confusion as the group of men in brightly coloured animal onesies watched an episode of classic _Doctor Who_. Empty pizza boxes and cups of fizzy drink littered the living room. Gwaine munched on a bag of crisps.

Arthur rubbed a hand over his face, straining to remain calm. He'd had a long and pretty bloody stressful day at work and he'd spent the last hour and a half in a crowded supermarket in the blistering heat getting the groceries. He'd wanted to come home, have dinner with Merlin and spend a quiet, relaxing evening watching TV, having a bath and then bed with his boyfriend.

_Instead_ he'd come home to discover that said boyfriend had thrown an impromptu fucking _slumber _party with onesies and junk food without telling him. He really wasn't in the mood for this. He glared icily at Merlin and strode towards the kitchen. The three girls – also in the ridiculous onesies – all greeted him when he entered. He ignored them and started to unpack the shopping.

"Arthur?" Merlin's arms slipped around his waist, his fingers playing with the hem of his suit jacket. "I missed you."

Arthur shrugged free from his hold, gritting his teeth to hold in his anger.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked, uncertain. "What's wrong?"

"What's _wrong_? What's _bloody wrong_?" Arthur exploded, rounding on the other man. "What's _wrong_, Merlin, is that I've had a really shit day at work and I want nothing more than to relax. But instead you've decided to throw a party in _our _flat without having the decency to tell me!"

Merlin looked apologetic. "Arthur, I..."

"I mean, a fucking _slumber _party, Merlin? With _onesies_?"

"Kigurumis," Merlin corrected quietly.

"Seriously, Merlin, what are you? A twelve year old girl?"

Merlin's entire posture went rigid. His apologetic expression shifted to a blank one, but there was pain and anger in his blue eyes. Arthur realised what he'd just said and swore loudly.

It had taken a long time for Merlin to finally tell Arthur what his childhood was like. Arthur was bisexual and had only really noticed his attraction to men quite late in his teenage years. By then he'd established a close group of friends who didn't judge him for it. His family were accepting of it, too. He'd had it fairly easy.

Merlin's story, however, was a lot different. He'd known from his early teens that he was gay. His mother accepted him but his father loathed his son. He neglected his son and eventually Hunith divorced him, wanting to protect her son. But Merlin blamed himself for the divorce. At school he'd been bullied horribly for years because of his sexuality. He didn't have any friends. He was beaten, mocked, once hurt badly enough to be put in hospital for a fortnight. He changed schools frequently and only just got the grades to get into university. He'd been a recluse, isolating himself to avoid further torment, and that was how Arthur found him. He'd brought him out of his shell and made him the man he was today. But his past still haunted him.

Merlin had told him some of the things the boys used to say when they beat him. 'Fag', 'bender', the usual homophobic slurs. But the one that hurt Merlin the most, the one he truly hated, the one that made him want to kill himself sometimes, was the when his dad used to call him a little girl.

"You're just a girl, Merlin, a sick little bastard who thinks he's a girl."

Merlin had repeated his father's words that night. Arthur had held him until dawn, trying to ease the pain still lingering in his partner's heart.

Arthur rubbed a hand over his face. "Christ, Merlin, I didn't mean that. Of course I didn't. I'm just tired and stressed and just frustrated, I guess."

Merlin's expression didn't change. "I wanted to surprise you. You've been stressed recently and I thought you'd appreciate the gesture. An opportunity to relax and have fun with our friends."

Arthur immediately felt like a complete and utter tosser. Merlin had been trying to help him and he'd responded by acting like a massive prick. And he'd called Merlin a girl. He wanted to kick himself.

"Merlin..." he stepped forward, reaching for his partner.

"Don't," he flinched away.

Arthur inhaled sharply, pain hitting him straight in the chest. Fuck, he'd really messed up with what he'd said. How did he fix this?

Merlin's expression was cold as he turned his back on Arthur and walked away, his posture still rigid. Morgana, Gwen and Freya were quiet, their gazes on the table in front of them. Arthur felt too shitty right now to care that they'd just witnessed a pretty nasty fight. After a moment he followed Merlin into the living room.

Merlin was sprawled on the sofa again, his legs on Mordred's lap. The ache in Arthur's heart increased. Mordred was hopeless in hiding his crush on Merlin. He didn't act on it in front of Arthur, but Leon had warned him that Mordred had been making subtle moves when Arthur wasn't there. Merlin, sweet, naive Merlin, was oblivious to Mordred's crush on him and even if he did know, Arthur knew his partner would never cheat on him. But it still made him feel bitter to see Merlin so close to Mordred.

"You know," Gwaine murmured in Arthur's ear when he sat down next to the Irishman. "Merlin wasted a lot of his hard earned money on getting you one too. It's in the bedroom."

Another pang of guilt hit Arthur. Christ, he was the worst boyfriend in the universe. Why did Merlin put up with him? He was such a total prat towards him sometimes. One day Merlin would get sick of it and leave. The idea hurt beyond imagination and Arthur jumped to his feet.

He glanced towards the sofa. Mordred was fucking _petting_ Merlin's feet. He clenched his fists and quickly made his way into the bedroom. Gwaine was right; Merlin had gotten one for Arthur too. One identical to Merlin's except in pale pink rather than pale blue.

A fond smile touched his lips. Merlin had gotten them matching kigurumis. Something so ridiculous shouldn't have made Arthur love him even more, but it did. He kicked off his shoes and stripped out of his expensive suit, pulling on a pair of boxers and a shirt. He shrugged on the kigurumi and zipped it up. He even pulled the hood up so the rabbit ears stood up straight on top of his head.

He returned to the living room and was met with a round of loud laughter and cat calls. He ignored the teasing and looked at Merlin. His lover was looking up at him with a breathtaking grin on his face, all traces of anger gone. He looked overjoyed that Arthur was wearing the matching suit and Arthur knew he was forgiven.

Mordred looked up at Arthur and shifted to the floor beside Leon, a small smile on his face. Arthur gave him a stiff nod and nudged Merlin out of the way so he could lie on the sofa. He tugged Merlin down to join him, nestled between his legs, his back against Arthur's chest and his head nestled on the crook of his shoulder. Arthur wrapped his arms around his partner's torso and buried his nose against his dark hair.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I really didn't mean it. I'm the world's worst boyfriend and the biggest prat in existence."

"Biggest prat in existence, yes. World's worst boyfriend, definitely not. You're wearing a pink rabbit onesie for me, after all." Merlin pointed out smugly. "I know you didn't mean it and you're forgiven. I love you."

Arthur closed his eyes, tightening his hold minutely. "I love you so much."

"I know you do. I'm adorable."

Arthur grinned. "That you are. Twenty six years old and you throw a bloody pyjama party. You're impossible, you know that?"

"But you put up with me anyway," Merlin sighed happily.

"Always."


	12. Making Out

Merlin knew there was something different as soon as he entered Arthur's chambers. Things had been easier after he'd admitted his feelings to Arthur. They'd slipped back into their usual banter and things were back to normal. But the feelings were always there, lurking just beneath the surface, desperate to be acknowledged.

The king gazed at Merlin as he moved around his chambers, tidying and shifting things with a nervous energy. He silently approached, stopping close behind the servant. His breath hit Merlin's neck and he shivered pleasantly, closing his eyes. He dropped the shirt he'd been folding and turned to face the king.

Arthur stepped even closer so there was barely any air between their bodies, his gaze dark as he glanced down at Merlin's lips. The servant's breath caught as he found himself leaning in against his will.

"Arthur," he murmured. "We shouldn't."

"I'm sick of you running, Merlin," he replied quietly. "Just stop running from me. I can't stand it."

He captured Merlin's lips with his own, hesitant at first as he waited to see what Merlin's reaction would be. He tensed when Merlin didn't move at first, sure he was about to be rejected again, but Merlin suddenly lifted one hand to rest on the back of Arthur's neck, tugging him closer, the other pressing against the small of his back.

"I'm not running anymore," he promised.

Arthur placed his hands on either side of Merlin's face and kissed him deeply, parting his lips and touching Merlin's tongue with his own. He received a small sound of pleasure and encouragement in return and deepened the kiss further, desperate for Merlin, for more, to keep the other man close to him to make sure he never ran from him again. He wanted to protect Merlin, keep him safe. He clutched him harder, pressing his whole body against Merlin's, as a sound crossed between an aroused moan and a desperate whimper escaped his mouth.

Merlin pulled back slightly, avoiding Arthur's lips when they sought his out again.

"Arthur?" he asked quietly. "What is it?"

Arthur gazed down at him for a moment. How did he tell Merlin that he was fairly certain he was in love with him? That he was terrified of Merlin leaving him and that the very idea of Merlin getting hurt again made his heart burn? He didn't want to frighten Merlin off. He just wanted...well, Merlin.

He kissed Merlin again, this time softer and more relaxed. He pushed his worries aside and the tension left his body as he got lost in the feel of Merlin's body against his, his lips warm and slightly chapped as they moved almost hesitantly against his own. He nipped at them in practised kisses before deepening the kiss, taking the time to get acquainted with the incredible feel of kissing Merlin.

He knew it must be strange for Merlin to kiss a man. He wondered if Merlin had ever kissed _anyone_ before. No, he must have done; he'd mentioned a romance before. And despite his hesitation, he was somewhat experienced with kissing. The idea of Merlin kissing someone else made his chest ache so he quickly pushed the image aside and spun them so he could walk Merlin backwards.

When Merlin's back hit the bed he looked up at Arthur in surprise. He sat upright as Arthur parted his legs and slipped into the space between, cupping Merlin's face and kissing him deeply. Slowly, they lay back on the bed, Arthur's hips against Merlin's thigh, his own thigh pressed between Merlin's legs. A breathless sound escaped Merlin's mouth and he gave a low, appreciative hum in response. It felt so _right _to kiss Merlin.

He knew Merlin could feel his erection pressing against his thigh. He pressed his hips down slightly, seeking friction, and reached for the waistband of Merlin's trousers, slipping his fingers underneath.

"No," Merlin grabbed Arthur's wrist, stopping the movement, and ripped his mouth away. "No."

Arthur gazed down at him, brow furrowed. "Not ready for that yet?"

"No," Merlin breathed, eyes wide at the thought. "Christ, definitely not."

"Just kissing?"

"Just kissing. But you have training in an hour."

Arthur grinned and leaned down, fully intending to make good use of that hour.


	13. Eating Ice Cream

**a/n: this is the same arc as the other AU modern one (with the kigurumis) but set a lot earlier in their relationship...when things are still rather dysfunctional between them. For example, in the other one Merlin can say something that he can't yet express here.**

**I actually really love writing this arc...I might start a story based on it, if people are interested? Let me know.**

* * *

Arthur noticed the difference in Merlin's disposition as soon as he found his partner in the kitchen, cradling a cold cup of coffee.

Merlin had odd sleeping habits. He didn't sleep at night and barely had naps during the day, yet he managed to survive on such little sleep. Normally when Arthur woke Merlin was either in bed with him reading or curled up on the sofa watching TV.

But today Merlin had bags underneath his eyes, as if he'd fallen asleep only to be woken by nightmares. He was more jittery than normal and his eyes had a hollow look to them.

He'd seen this image before. It had terrified him to see Merlin as lost as he'd been when they first met at university. But three weeks after possibly the most terrifying day of Arthur's life, Merlin explained. It was the four year anniversary of the day Will, his only childhood friend, had died. They'd been close – close enough that Arthur had felt a little uncomfortable with the idea of it – and his death had affected Merlin badly. With his family problems and the bullying, Will's death on top of it caused Merlin to spiral out of control and become the man he'd been when Arthur first noticed him. And every year on the anniversary of Will's death, Merlin relapsed.

Arthur glanced at the calendar; today marked five years exactly since Will died. He closed his eyes briefly before walking into the kitchen. Wordlessly, he took Merlin's cup, poured out the cold coffee and replaced it with fresh.

He preferred hot breakfasts but Merlin tended to survive on only a tiny bowl of cereal. In fact cereal was pretty much all he ate and not much of it. It both annoyed and worried Arthur but his attempts at encouraging Merlin to eat always failed so he'd given up arguing.

He poured Merlin a bowl of cereal and placed it on the table in front of him. Merlin glanced down at it but didn't make a move to lift the spoon. Arthur bit into his toast and watched Merlin for a full ten minutes, but he didn't take a single bite or sip of his breakfast. He closed his eyes, dread sinking into his stomach. _Not this again_. Sometimes Merlin refused to eat or drink. Once it got bad enough that he collapsed and had to be taken to hospital. Arthur hated it. He was torn between wanting to punch Merlin for making him feel so useless and terrified about the welfare of the man he loved and wanting to hold him, to do anything to fix him.

"Merlin," Arthur put his hand on his lover's shoulder, stroking it gently in comfort.

Merlin flinched away from the touch, hissing a breath through his teeth. _Fuck_. Arthur had bloody forgotten this particular quirk of Merlin's. When they'd first met, he hated to be touched. It had taken a long time for him to be comfortable with Arthur touching him, and even longer for him to enjoy it. Arthur had hoped Merlin wouldn't relapse in that aspect, but clearly today was going to be one shitty time.

"I take it you're not going to work today?" he asked, dropping his dishes into the sink.

Merlin didn't answer, didn't even look at him, and Arthur wondered if he was even aware of his presence. A surge of anger shot through him, anger at himself for being so useless during these relapses, anger at Merlin for having them and angry at Will for making Merlin be this way.

"Fine," he snapped. "You stay at home, wallow in grief and starve yourself until you collapse. I'm going to work."

He slammed the front door shut behind him and stormed away, seething with anger. But the rage faded when he got to work and he buried his head in his hands, pulling at his hair. He hated seeing Merlin this way. He hated being so fucking _useless_. He regretted getting so angry. He knew Merlin needed him right now, even if he refused to admit it. Arthur had no idea what to help.

But he had to try.

** 0**

Merlin wasn't on the sofa when he returned home from work, so Arthur assumed he was in the bedroom. That was a good sign; normally Merlin couldn't stand to be near anything that they shared or was intimate. He stayed on the sofa and very firmly on _his _side of it, not letting any part of him touch the side that Arthur usually sat on. Arthur knew it wasn't anything to do with him personally, just a manifestation of Merlin's lingering fear of intimacy.

He put away the shopping and grabbed the big tub of vanilla ice cream he'd bought, retrieving two spoons from the cutlery drawer. Vanilla ice cream was Merlin's favourite food and one of the few things he'd actually eat besides cereal and pizza. He hoped it would help.

Merlin _was _in the bedroom, sat firmly on _his _side of the bed and not Arthur's, his knees curled to his chest. He didn't look at Arthur as he walked towards him but thankfully didn't flinch when Arthur sat close beside him on the bed.

He popped the lid of the tub of ice cream and offered one of the spoons. Merlin looked at him blankly.

"You need to eat," Arthur encouraged softly. "Just a little bit. I'll eat with you."

Merlin didn't move and Arthur winced at the empty blue eyes focused on him.

"Look," he sighed. "I'm not leaving, no matter what you do. You may not feel like it right now but you _need _me at the moment. You need me here to help you get through this. So I am going to be here no matter what. You won't push me away, okay? I will help you today and every other time. We'll get through this together."

He was rewarded with a flicker of a smile – barely there, but it warmed Merlin's eyes – and his partner reached for a spoon. Arthur sagged in relief, closing his eyes briefly. When he opened them, Merlin was nibbling at a spoon of ice cream.

After a few minutes, Merlin tilted slightly so he was leaning against Arthur's side. His heart jumped happily; Merlin was _touching_ him during a relapse. He restrained his giddy grin as he wrapped an arm around Merlin's shoulders, gently stroking his arm soothingly.

They didn't speak for the rest of the night but they did finish the whole tub of ice cream together. Arthur left the empty carton and the spoons on the floor beside the bed and shifted underneath the covers, holding Merlin to him. He tried to stay awake but his eyes felt too heavy and he felt himself drifting.

When he woke up, Merlin was sat up in bed, reading a book. It was the sight Arthur saw most mornings and it relieved him. However, unlike normal, Merlin was gently carding his fingers through Arthur's hair. He hummed slightly at the sensation and a small smile touched Merlin's lips.

"Did you sleep?" Arthur yawned.

"Briefly," Merlin murmured, not looking away from his book. "More than usual."

'More than usual' meant hardly anything for normal people, maybe three hours at most, but it made Arthur happy to know Merlin had gotten some decent sleep after yesterday.

He glanced at the clock to see it was early in the morning. Merlin would already have been up for hours. "Did you eat?"

Merlin hesitated. "I had some water and a slice of toast."

Arthur nodded, restraining another happy grin, and sat up in bed, stretching. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Merlin flicked the page over. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Arthur sighed. Merlin never acknowledged the relapses after they'd happened and ignored Arthur if he tried to talk about them. But at least it hadn't been as bad as usual. Arthur felt proud that he'd managed to help, at least a little bit.

"I should get up," he mumbled. "I've got work."

Merlin didn't reply and Arthur rolled his eyes, climbing out of bed. When he entered the kitchen after using the toilet he wasn't surprised to see Merlin already dressed for work. He was surprised, however, to see a plate of breakfast and coffee waiting for him. Merlin never normally cooked for him. He didn't mention it, knowing Merlin wouldn't appreciate it, and sat down to eat.

"Are you going to work?" Arthur asked, glancing at the clock.

"Yes," Merlin slung his backpack over one shoulder. "I'll see you tonight."

"I love you."

Merlin nodded but didn't say it back. He never did. But Arthur knew the sentiment was returned so he didn't let it bother him most of the time.

Suddenly, he felt warm pressure on his temple and glanced at Merlin from the corner of his eye, surprised. Merlin's lips lingered as he hugged Arthur for a moment.

"Thank you," he whispered.

He looked up, his throat feeling tight. "I meant what I said, Merlin: you won't ever push me away."

Merlin looked down at him and Arthur could see it glittering in those wide blue eyes. The love that Merlin couldn't express out loud.


	14. Genderswap

**a/n: in regards to the names, I thought 'Merlin' would still fit a girl. I wasn't sure if there's a feminine form of Arthur and didn't want to simply stick a feminine end to Arthur, like 'Arthuretta', so I looked it up. Apparently Artura is the feminine form of Arthur, coming from the name's Celtic roots rather than its Germanic ones.**

**Please review?**

* * *

"Merlin! You're going to be late yet _again_."

Merlin groaned and climbed reluctantly out of bed. At Gaius' third impatient shout, however, she quickly pulled on her dress and shoes and brushed through her black waves, piling it on top of her head.

"Morning, Gaius," she greeted cheerfully.

He handed her a bowl of watery porridge, looking at her in disapproval. "You'll lose your job if you keep being late."

Merlin hid her secretive smile. Artura would never fire her as her handmaiden. Apart from the fact that Artura would be useless without Merlin, they both knew that without the excuse of her working for the princess, it would be difficult to continue seeing one another on a daily basis.

She ate the porridge quickly, bid Gaius farewell and hurried from the chambers. She greeted Sir Gwaine with a joke as they passed in the corridors and gave Gwen a cheerful 'good morning!'. When she reached Artura's chambers she entered without knocking. The lazy princess was never normally up this early.

To her surprise, however, Artura was sat at her dresser. She gave Merlin a soft smile in the mirror in greeting.

"You're up," Merlin remarked, surprised. "Is Camelot in danger?" She asked, suddenly alarmed.

"Must it be for me to be up this early?" Artura raised an eyebrow.

"Yes," Merlin snarked.

"Quiet, _Mer_lin."

"Prat," the handmaiden murmured, receiving a glare in response.

"So, Merlin," Artura smiled wickedly. "You looked very tired when you left last night. Did you have good dreams?"

Merlin remembered one of the vivid dreams she'd had the previous night, the feel of Artura's fingertips caressing the flesh of her thighs, her hips, her breasts. She felt the heat rise to her cheeks but gave a coy smile.

She helped Artura dress in a long, silk emerald dress that clung to her curvy frame and set off her pale complexion perfectly. The lace bodice was fairly low cut and Artura caught Merlin's lingering glance.

"Will this dress do, Merlin?" she teased.

"It'll do perfectly, Your Highness," Merlin blushed and received a knowing look from the princess.

Artura sat at her dresser again as Merlin brushed her blonde locks, humming appreciatively when Merlin set the comb down and let her fingers slide through the warm mass of hair. She closed her eyes, relaxing into the comforting touch.

"Your brother's coronation is tonight," Merlin remarked. "Are you looking forward to it?"

"Of course. Morgan will be a wonderful King." Artura smiled. "He's longed for this day for so long."

"And you'll be his greatest advisor," Merlin pointed out, then smirked, "Or maybe Mordred."

Artura opened her eyes and looked at the knowing expression on her handmaiden's face in surprise. Morgan and _Mordred_? Thinking over it, she was shocked that she'd missed the obvious attraction between the prince and the knight. Merlin hadn't, of course; she was sometimes too shrewd for her own good.

"Stay out of it," Artura warned.

"Of course," Merlin looked appalled at the idea of getting involved, but there was a wicked gleam in her blue eyes.

Artura shook her head but didn't press the issue. Merlin styled her hair with nimble fingers, plaiting it before twisting it up on the crown of her head, a few stray curls framing the princess' face.

"You should wear it loose tonight, perhaps with jewels," Merlin murmured. "I'm looking forward to seeing you in that gold dress. You'll look beautiful."

"You look beautiful in anything," Artura grinned. "But even more so wearing _nothing_."

Merlin laughed, shaking her head at her princess' wicked remarks. She released her hold on Artura and took a step back.

"You should go see your father and brother. I have chores to do."

Artura ran her thumb over Merlin's full lower lip in a caress. "I'll see you tonight."

"I look forward to it."

She smiled, blue eyes sparkling. "Me too."

And with that, she leaned down and captured her handmaiden's lips in a chaste kiss.


	15. In A Different Clothing Style

Merlin hesitated outside of Arthur's chambers before knocking. He wasn't certain if Arthur was in the mood for company but if anyone could comfort him, it was Merlin.

Merlin hadn't been able to join the king and his knights on a recent patrol through the forests; he'd been too ill. He'd tried to convince both Gaius and Arthur that he would be fine, but both had insisted he remained in bed until he recovered.

Arthur had returned to Camelot minus Elyan. It had taken a while, amidst the chaos, to work out what had happened, but Merlin finally got the full story. They'd been attacked by druids on their return trip and Elyan had been taken.

It struck Merlin as odd. The druids were a peaceful people. They had no antagonism towards Camelot and certainly not now because of Emrys. Why would they feel the need to kidnap one of the knights?

He knew Arthur would be blaming himself. The king always did when something went wrong or something happened to someone he cared about.

When there was no response, Merlin entered the chambers – and froze.

Arthur stood by his bed, dressed in clothing that looked rather similar to Merlin's, and long robes and a staff. He was dressed as a _druid_.

The initial shock at seeing Arthur in such a different kind of clothing than he was used to wore off into burning anger. To see someone completely non magical – someone who had been involved in the punishment of sorcerers – dressed in the clothing of druids, one of the most peaceful magic wielders was utter _sacrilege_.

He pushed the fury down firmly. _Arthur doesn't know about these things_, he reminded himself.

"Arthur..." he asked hesitantly. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to infiltrate the druid camp and retrieve Elyan," the king replied easily.

_No_, Merlin thought fiercely. _No way am I going to let that happen_.

The druids were peaceful and normally Merlin would have no anxiety about Arthur going to them. But if they'd taken Elyan for vindictive purposes then something very serious was going on and if they caught Arthur daring to impersonate a druid then it would definitely stir up trouble. Merlin wasn't going to risk it.

"I know you blame yourself," he stepped forward, touching the king's shoulder gently. "But this isn't your fault, Arthur."

_It's mine_. If he'd been a little more persistent in trying to let Arthur join him on the patrol, if he'd followed them anyway, then he could have stopped Elyan from being taken.

"Don't," Arthur warned quietly, shaking his head. "I have to do this, Merlin. For Elyan."

Merlin swallowed, nodding once. "When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow at noon," he answered.

Relief shot through Merlin. He had time to fix this without Arthur risking his bloody life. He jumped, startled, as Arthur's arms slid around him and he pressed his nose against Merlin's temple.

"I'll be alright, Merlin."

"I know."

He was going to make sure of it.

That night he rode out of Camelot alone, a heavy feeling in his heart. He knew the druids would not stand up against him but the idea that they suddenly had ill intentions towards Camelot worried him. It was very unlike them.

He was greeted by two men in long robes. They'd clearly been expecting his arrival and he watched them cautiously as he dismounted.

"Emrys," they bowed in unison. "We have been waiting."

"Where is Sir Elyan?"

"He is safe," the youngest druid assured him. "We have kept him so."

This caught Merlin off guard. So his doubts had been correct; the druids _weren't_ doing this for vindictive purposes.

"Take me to him."

He was taken to the caves and was relieved to see that, true to their word, the druids had kept Elyan safe. He was asleep, looking peaceful, and Merlin felt a weight lift from his shoulders. He did not want to fight the druids, but if they'd done something to harm Elyan he'd feared he would have little choice in the matter.

"Why did you take him?" he demanded.

"Emrys," a new voice spoke from the caves. "We did not intend harm."

Merlin turned and bowed his head once. "I understand that. But I do not understand why you would take him in the first place. King Arthur of Camelot believes you have kidnapped him with ill intentions towards Camelot. You could have started a war."

"It was a risk we had to take," the druid assured him gravely. "To ensure the safety of Emrys."

Merlin blinked, once again caught off guard. To ensure his safety? From what?

"The water skin the knight gave to you," the druid continued. "Have you used it?"

Merlin thought back to a few days ago when Elyan had given him an expensive water skin as a gift. He'd been surprised and had expressed so to the knight, who'd assured him it was simply a thank you for taking good care of Gwen when she was ill with the sickness she'd passed onto Merlin. He had yet to drink from it, however.

"No," he answered cautiously. "Why is it important?"

"The knight has been enchanted," the druid explained. "By who, we do not know, but the enchantment was a strong one. The water skin is laced with magic that will kill you if you drink from it, Emrys."

"Elyan was trying to _kill_ me?" Merlin asked incredulously.

"I'm afraid so, Emrys. We have removed the enchantment. He will have no memories of recent days but he will be alright."

"Thank you," Merlin nodded. "I am in your debt." He glanced at Elyan. "Escort him back to Camelot early tomorrow morning."

"Yes," the druid assured him. "Emrys, be careful. We can't be sure of the intentions of whoever enchanted the knight. They may know your true identity or it may be that killing you is the key to destroying Camelot. Be vigilant."

"I will," Merlin promised. "Thank you."

He returned to Camelot with a mixture of relief and dread in his heart. Elyan was safe and the druids' intentions were peaceful. But someone had been out to kill him and he could not be sure why. He would have to be careful.

The next morning Elyan returned to Camelot confused but unharmed. He assured Arthur that the druids had not harmed him but had, in fact, helped him. Arthur accepted this and Elyan was welcomed back to the round table with warm smiles.

To Merlin's relief, Arthur discarded the druid disguise.


	16. During Their Morning Ritual(s)

Merlin woke up to feel the sun on his face and smiled, relishing in the feeling of warmth and post-sleep haze. He knew he was probably already late but his body ached with fatigue and lingering bruises from his latest trip down the stairs. He groaned, stretching and wincing when his bones cracked loudly.

"Merlin!"

Gaius' shout shattered the peaceful bubble Merlin had nestled in and he sighed, leaving the warmth of his bed for the coldness of the castle. He washed and changed clothes quickly before hurrying down to where the elderly physician was waiting. He handed Merlin a small plate of bread and cheese with an arched eyebrow. Of course he knew that Merlin was deliberately late just to avoid eating the watery porridge he made.

"Thanks, Gaius," Merlin grinned, biting into a chunk of bread.

He finished his breakfast in record time and raced for the door, calling a goodbye to his mentor over his shoulder.

"Be careful on those stairs, Merlin!"

The guards weren't surprised to see Merlin trip down the stairs again. He slipped on them almost every morning. They returned the manservant's usual cheerful and speedy greeting with a nod.

Merlin didn't bother to knock on the door to the King's chambers. He knew the lazy clotpole wouldn't be awake yet. It was the only reason he got away with being late most mornings. He threw open the curtains without hesitation, letting blinding sunlight swarm the chambers.

"Good _morning_, sunshine!" he greeted loudly and obnoxiously cheerfully. "It isn't a lovely day?"

The King groaned, rolling onto his front and smothering his face against his pillow. Merlin rolled his eyes but wasn't surprised. He grabbed the sheets and with a hard yank ripped them away from the man. The cold air hit the King's skin and he yelped slightly, sitting up to glare at his manservant. Merlin gave him a stern look, but his lips twitched in amusement.

"Do I have to _drag _you out of bed?"

Arthur knew from past experiences that it wasn't an idle threat and with a grumbled insult climbed out of bed, stretching.

"Breakfast is on the table," Merlin pointed.

Arthur murmured something incomprehensible and sat down to eat. It took a long time before he was even vaguely human in the mornings. Merlin busied himself as Arthur ate, a whirlwind of movement as he prepared Arthur's bath, set out some clothes and began to tidy up the chambers. Arthur watched him with tired eyes, wondering how anyone could be so enthusiastic and energetic in the mornings.

While Arthur bathed, Merlin took the empty bowl and cup down to the kitchens, greeting one of the kitchen maids with a grin. When he returned Arthur was dressed and combing through his hair with his fingers.

"Ah, you're human again," Merlin snarked. "Good morning, Arthur."

"Morning," Arthur offered before continuing, "I want the chambers cleaned thoroughly, the sheets washed, I need you to collect some things from the market for me and..."

Merlin made a mental list of the chores and nodded before replying, "You have a meeting with the knights at noon."

Arthur smiled and Merlin offered a grin in return. It was their usual morning routine, easy and familiar, and despite Arthur's disgruntlement and Merlin's attitude they were both clearly comfortable.

However, Arthur suddenly stepped forward, leaning down to kiss the manservant, his lips warm and firm against the younger man's. Merlin didn't lift his arms or press closer to the King, but he closed his eyes and returned the kiss.

_This_ was a new addition to their morning routine, one that was still new and surprising to Merlin. He still wasn't certain that getting involved romantically with Arthur was a wise choice but for now, he was going to enjoy the feel of Arthur's mouth against his.

"Will you be at the meeting?"

Merlin nodded. "Of course."

"Good."

With one final kiss, this time initiated by Merlin, the manservant bowed sharply and left, hiding the giddy grin on his face before the guards could notice it.


	17. Spooning

_He'll eat the heart out of you_.

The words have lurked at the back of Merlin's mind for a while now. He'd been too busy to really give the much thought...particularly with trying to work out what was happening between him and Arthur. But the sorcerer's words are always there and whenever he's alone he feels cold, his senses picking up on something his mind couldn't make sense of. They haunted his dreams.

He tossed and turned in his narrow bed, frowning as the words whispered once again through his mind, paired with the image of eyes that can only be Arthur's, but they're so _cold_.

His eyes finally snapped open in the darkness and he struggled to catch his breath, his heart hammering against his ribs. A second later he realised he wasn't alone and he sat up quickly, heart lurching into his throat.

But his magic remained calm. Normally when there was danger it shifted within him, warning him. It was still settled, peaceful. He let his eyes adjust to the darkness before looking at the shape sat on a chair beside his bed.

_Arthur_.

He blinked, surprised. He could hear Gaius snoring downstairs. Arthur had managed not to wake the elderly physician.

"Sire," Merlin whispered. "What...?"

"I couldn't sleep."

Merlin raised an eyebrow. "So you decided to come and watch _me _sleep?"

Arthur ignored the sarcastic tone to the other man's voice. "You were having a nightmare." When Merlin remained silent he got to his feet. "Move over."

Merlin looked at him in surprise, hesitating before shuffling to the far side of the bed. Arthur removed his boots and climbed into the bed beside him.

"What if you're caught in the bed of a manservant?" Merlin mumbled.

Arthur blithely ignored him, turning so his chest was against Merlin's back, his knees tucked into the space behind Merlin's. After a moment he wrapped one arm loosely over Merlin's waist.

"What was it about?" he asked.

"The sorcerer," Merlin murmured. "I don't really want to talk about it."

They fell silent and Merlin felt himself begin to drift back into slumber. He didn't care about propriety or how weird it should feel to be in bed with Arthur. He was tired and the sensation of Arthur's warm, solid body curved around his comforted him. He felt safe.

"Arthur," he whispered. "What is this? You and me?"

"You know what it is."

"But it is wrong. I am a man. I'm not a noble." Merlin shook his head slightly. "This isn't right, Arthur."

"Merlin," Arthur smiled slightly. "I don't care. I want you and you want me. That's all that matters."

"I should love a woman," Merlin argued softly. "I _have _loved a woman. But here I am in bed with you and it feels good."

"Forget it about it all, just for now. There is only us."

Merlin didn't reply and Arthur knew he was beginning to relax at the idea of being with another man.

Arthur couldn't remember ever loving a woman. He'd been sexually attracted towards them. He'd been in relationships. But never love.

Merlin had loved a woman. The sadness in his eyes when he'd first mentioned this girl had made Arthur's chest ache. Who was she? And how had Arthur not noticed Merlin's romance?

"Merlin, the girl you loved, what was her name?"

But Merlin was already fast asleep.

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**a/n: thanks for reviewing :)**

**I have a tumblr if there are any tumblr users reading this. I'm still pretty new to tumbr so my blog isn't that great. Link is on my profile :)**


	18. Doing Something Together

Merlin paused on his way towards Gwen. She'd offered to mend some of his worn shirts and having finally found some time to visit her Merlin had decided to drop by her house, knowing she had an afternoon free of working in the castle.

Arthur was alone on the training field, not in armour but swinging a sword, perfecting his technique. His moves were swift, smooth, and Merlin let his gaze linger, taking in the view. Arthur training was one of his favourite sights.

There wasn't training scheduled for that afternoon, but Arthur was nothing if not a perfectionist. He endeavoured to perfect his skills in combat with an almost urgent attitude. But it meant that, often, Arthur trained alone...which kind of defeated the purpose.

Taking pity on the lone figure on the field, Merlin placed the neatly folded pile of shirts on the ground and picked a sword and shield from the rack of weaponry on the side of the field. The sword was an unfamiliar weight in his hand and his muscles immediately protested against it but he walked ruthlessly towards Arthur.

The blonde looked up in surprise when he caught sight of his manservant approaching with a sword and shield, looking anything _but_ dangerous. He restrained a smile and raised an eyebrow.

"What are you doing, Merlin?" he trailed and failed to hide his amusement with exasperation.

"Helping you out. I've got some free time this afternoon."

"And you'd rather spend that free time with your boss than with some friends?"

"I'd rather spend that free time with _you_, Arthur, yes. Not my boss." Merlin clarified.

Arthur ducked his head to hide his grin. "Merlin, you can barely _hold_ a sword, let alone use it."

Merlin gave him a flat look. "So teach me."

Arthur rolled his eyes but obliged. They spent a couple of hairs on the field, Arthur first showing Merlin the _correct_ way to hold a sword (getting rather close and personal to Merlin's body as he did so, making the other man blush) before showing him how to use it. He only taught the basic manoeuvres. Merlin wasn't very good with the sword.

"_Mer_lin," Arthur finally sighed in exasperation. "I refuse to believe that anybody, even you, could be so useless with such an easy weapon."

"Well, Your Royal Prat, not all of us have been training since birth," he shot back.

Arthur eyed him speculatively for a moment before asking, "If you're life was in danger and you needed to react in an instant, what would you do?"

Merlin would use his magic. But he didn't tell Arthur this. He kind of liked being alive. So he shrugged, looking down.

He caught the movement from the corner of his eye and reacted on instinct. He knew Arthur wanted him to parry the strike with his own sword but he wasn't comfortable enough with the blunt weapon yet and he'd concealed his magic long enough that it remained settled. Instead, he swung his other arm up, blocking the sword with his shield.

There was the awful, grating sound of metal hitting metal and the force of the blow against the shield knocked Merlin to the ground. He landed with a low "_oof_", wincing.

Arthur loomed over him, looking down at him in concern. "You alright?"

"You've done worse when I've played your human punching bag, and you know it," Merlin rolled his eyes, getting clumsily to his feet.

"I don't think weapons are for you. You're likely to do yourself more harm than anyone else."

Merlin gave him a flat look and turned away, returning the sword and shield to their place on the rack of weaponry. Arthur followed him and they walked side by side into the castle.

"We wasted your time off," Arthur grimaced. "We could have done something more..._productive_."

"Actually," Merlin countered. "I believe helping you train in combat was very productive."

Arthur looked down at him, blue eyes sparkling. "You know what I meant, Merlin."

Merlin ducked his head, grinning. "I'll be in your chambers later."

Arthur glanced around, making sure there were no witnesses, before leaning down, kissing the corner of Merlin's mouth.

"Thank you for helping out," he murmured. "It was nice doing something together."

"Other than me waiting on you hand on foot while you act like a giant ass, you mean?" Merlin snarked.

Arthur gave him a flat look, deigning not to respond to that remark, and they separated ways, both smiling as they went about their duties.

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**a/n: thanks for the reviews! :D**


	19. In Formal Wear

**a/n: I love writing this AU so much that I've decided to make a spin off about them. It won't really be a plot arc but a series of drabbles based around them. It's called 'Breathe' and will be posted sometime in the near future.**

* * *

"We're going to be late."

Arthur grinned at the impatience in Merlin's voice. His partner was precise about _everything_ and was never late, not even by a minute. He could admit, however, that he was the opposite. He tended to be late for most things.

"I thought you didn't want to go?" he called back.

"Yeah, well, if I'm being dragged to this bloody thing we can at least be on time."

The look on Merlin's face when Arthur had first brought up Morgana's invitation for them to go on a double date to the opera had been priceless. Merlin got on well with Morgana but opera definitely wasn't his thing. Truthfully, it wasn't Arthur's, either, but he was trying to make amends with his sister. He knew she wasn't a fan of the opera but she was trying to impress Leon.

It had taken weeks to convince Merlin and he was still sulking.

He tied his bowtie, smoothed down his hair and left the bedroom. He followed the sound of rapid typing and found Merlin in the kitchen on his laptop. He closed it and got to his feet when Arthur appeared.

His mouth went dry. He hadn't had chance to see Merlin properly yet. He'd only realised just how little time he'd given himself by leaving work late when he saw the clock in the kitchen and had dashed into the bedroom to get ready. But he had the full view now and it was _perfect_. Merlin had expressed his annoyance at having to wear a tuxedo but he pulled it off well; the black fabric clung to his lean frame in all the right places, contrasting with his pale complexion and sharp cheekbones. The red of the bowtie was a splash of colour against black and white and brought out the blue of his eyes.

He wasn't the only one ogling. He felt warmth spread languidly through his veins as Merlin slowly looked him up and down, an appreciative smile lighting up his face.

"We're not going."

Merlin frowned. "But you were adamant about going."

"I can think of some much more _entertaining_ ways to spend our evening." He crossed the space between them, making his intent clear.

Merlin's eyes sparkled wickedly. "You have a tux fetish."

"Piss off."

Before Merlin could offer a snarky comment back, he placed a hand on the back of his neck and pulled him in, kissing him deeply. When they pulled apart, desperate for air, Merlin wrapped his arms around him and pressed his nose against Arthur's neck, breathing in the scent of his cologne.

"We promised Morgana," he grumbled, placing a hot, open mouthed kiss against Arthur's throat.

Arthur sighed. "Merlin..."

Merlin pulled back and grinned at him, a hundred wicked promises in his eyes.

"Later."


	20. Dancing

"Merlin," Gwen smiled warmly as the manservant entered the kitchens. "How are the celebrations?"

"Loud," he muttered, exhausted. "They're all dining and dancing happily."

She grinned and looked down at the cup she was scrubbing, wincing as the raw skin of her hands touched the water. Washing up was one of the worst castle duties.

"You've been asked to wash up?" Merlin asked, frowning. "You're a seamstress."

"I offered to help. I owed a favour to Yvette."

Merlin gazed at her for a moment before smiling, holding out his hand. "Take a break and dance with me."

She raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

He gave an elegant bow. "Fair lady."

"Kind sir," she curtseyed with a giggle and accepted his hand.

Her body fitted against his as they danced and she looked up at him with a wry smile, dark eyes sparkling.

"Won't Arthur be jealous?"

Merlin tensed but he kept his expression blank. "Why would he?"

"You don't need to pretend with me. Arthur is a good man and I'm glad you are happy."

He smiled. "You're a wonderful woman, Gwen. You deserve someone just as wonderful."

"I know. When my prince comes I'll let you know."

They continued to dance in silence for a few minutes before another servant appeared in the doorway, looking flustered. He announced that Merlin's presence was requested. The manservant sighed, rolling his eyes. He knew just _who _had requested his presence. Woe betide Arthur put up with some other servant for a little while.

"I'll see you later, Gwen."

She leaned up, kissing his cheek. "Thank you for the dance."


	21. Cooking

"You're late."

Merlin grinned sheepishly at Arthur, who was already awake, bathed and dressed. He was sat behind his desk, going through paperwork, quill held between stained fingers.

"Sorry," Merlin placed a plate full of food down on the table.

"Did you sleep in?" Arthur asked, getting to his feet and stretching. He looked exhausted and Merlin wondered with a grimace whether the King had actually gotten any sleep the night before.

"No...uh, actually, well..." Merlin looked away, embarrassed.

Arthur titled his head, looking at the other man curiously. "What is it, Merlin?"

"It's just...you've been so stressed with attempting a peace treaty with King Algernon. I thought cooking you breakfast might help?"

Arthur looked first at Merlin, then at the plate of food, in surprise. "_You _cooked that?"

"Not exactly, no," Merlin coughed slightly. "One of the cooks made it...after making me leave the kitchen."

Arthur's lips twitched slightly. "What did you _do_?"

Merlin cringed at the memory of almost setting the kitchen on fire. Thankfully the cook had entered the kitchen in time to save the kitchen (but not the food) and make Merlin leave for the whole castle's safety. But she'd made Arthur's breakfast for him, so Merlin knew he was forgiven.

When Merlin sheepishly admitted what had happened to Arthur, the King threw back his head and laughed.

"Glad you find me amusing," Merlin shook his head, but he was smiling.

It was the first time in days that he'd seen Arthur look relaxed. It had been a tense week, not just for the King but for the whole of Camelot. If King Algernon agreed to the truce and signed the peace treaty, Camelot and Algernon's kingdom would not only no longer be at war, but life would be incredibly easier for both kingdoms; transportation of food to Camelot would be faster and more efficient since the route could go through Algernon's kingdom, and in return Algernon and his knights received better weapons courtesy of Camelot's talented weapon masters.

But things weren't exactly running smoothly. Algernon was hesitant to trust Arthur, certain he was a tyrant like his father, and there was another factor that caused tension between the two kingdoms, the reason why they'd been at war in the first place: sorcery. Sorcery wasn't outlawed in Algernon's kingdom. A lot of residents in his kingdom were sorcerers and resented Arthur for what the Pendragon family had done to magic users in Camelot during the purge. They loathed the idea of being at peace with a kingdom that outlawed magic, and in turn a lot of residents of Camelot didn't want to be at peace with a kingdom that allowed magic, the one thing they feared most, to be free.

Skirting around the issue hadn't helped and addressing it full on had only caused arguments and tension to rise between the two stubborn kings. Both wanted peace between the kingdoms and the benefits a treaty would ensure, but neither wanted to acquiesce to the other when it came to the matter of sorcery. Arthur had been spending every waking moment trying to come up with an adequate solution for both kingdoms and it was obvious just looking at him that it was affecting him badly. He looked so tired and weary.

"You didn't cook that food, then?" Arthur checked.

Merlin shook his head.

"So it is definitely edible?" Arthur teased. "It won't give me food poisoning?"

Merlin glared at the other man, but his lips twitched slightly in amusement. Arthur laughed at his pout and embraced him warmly, sighing contentedly. They hadn't exactly had much time together; Merlin had been busy doing extra duties as he'd been assigned (as punishment for letting Gwaine get drunk the night before the first meeting with Algernon) to cater to the other king as well, and Arthur had been busy sorting the treaty.

As Arthur kissed him firmly, Merlin closed his eyes and relaxed into the sensation. It was incredible, unlike anything he'd ever felt before...even with Freya, though the fact made him feel guilty. It was warm and pleasant and _right_. It felt natural to kiss Arthur.

Arthur was his destiny. He was going to help the Once and Future King to unite Albion and bring peace when it came to magic. He was going to protect Camelot. But his true destiny was to serve Arthur and to help him achieve _his _destiny, to be his advisor.

Sometimes it felt like that destiny was crushing him. But it was at times like this, when he felt his destiny, solid and warm against him, when he could feel Arthur's heartbeat and feel his breath on his lips, when he knew that his destiny was completely and utterly alive, that he felt _uplifted_. He felt free even in the face of his stifling destiny.

And sometimes it hurt. It was the most beautiful kind of pain. He felt happy, free, but it felt like he couldn't breathe. His chest ached. He could feel the dread in his bones. Because what if he _failed_? His destiny was the most important thing in the world. His destiny was the only reason he was alive. If he failed, he wouldn't just ruin his destiny, but it meant losing Arthur as well. How could he face that, knowing now just how right it was to be in Arthur's arms?

Something was coming. Something big and something terrible. Merlin had searched, when he could, spending the nights when everyone else was asleep obsessing over the old tomes and scriptures Gaius had in his chambers. He'd asked the dragon, sent word through other magic users and the druids, trying to find word of any prophecy or rumour of what was to come. But there was nothing. No one, not even the Great Dragon, knew anything.

But Merlin knew. He could feel it, deep down in the heart of his magic. Something was coming. He didn't know who or what it was or what it would mean for Arthur and Camelot. But it was there, looming over them, waiting.

For the first time, Merlin felt truly alone. Because he was the only one who _knew_. How could he fight something only he knew about? Something that he couldn't see or know about, only sense with that cold, dreadful sense of foreboding one sometimes gets?

He couldn't. He knew he couldn't. He would face a thousand bandits, the darkest sorcerer, he would fight every destiny and prophecy thrown his way, if it meant fulfilling _his _destiny and keeping Arthur safe. But he knew he couldn't fight what was coming and that terrified him. It haunted his nightmares, ate away at the back of his mind, made those sweet moments where Arthur held him turn sour.

"What is it?"

Merlin started slightly, blinking to focus on Arthur, who was now looking down at him.

"Nothing."

Arthur shook his head, looking disappointed. "I'm not quite as oblivious as you seem to believe, Merlin."

"Arthur..."

"You've been acting strangely recently, Merlin. The nightmares, for one thing. And..." Arthur frowned, shaking his head slightly. "You get this look on your face sometimes, when you think I'm not looking. You look..."

Merlin stepped forward, placing his hand on Arthur's shoulder. But the king wasn't finished.

"My father...and I," he added reluctantly before continuing, "We condemned a lot of people to burn on the pyre. You look like them, Merlin, as they're burning. Your expression..." Arthur's voice grew raspy. "You look..."

Merlin swallowed. "I look like what?"

Arthur met his gaze, his expression grim. "You look like a man who is about to lose everything."

Merlin stared at him, surprised. He hadn't realised that Arthur had picked up on Merlin's mood. He took a deep breath, unable to think of a single thing to say. Finally, he gave Arthur a warm smile.

"I'm fine, Arthur," he promised. "Honestly."

Arthur gazed at him, a terrible kind of sadness in his eyes. "Fine. Keep whatever secrets your hiding, Merlin. But know that if you ever want to talk or if you ever need me for anything, you can come to me. I'll be here."

Merlin closed his eyes, a horrible aching feeling in his chest. He almost took Arthur up on the offer. But he knew he couldn't tell him the truth. Regardless of the feelings the king had for him, he couldn't ignore the laws of Camelot. He would be forced to execute him and Merlin would fail his destiny.

And...and Arthur might hate him if he found out. He'd be disgusted by what Merlin really was and turn his back on him completely. The idea was worse than any death.

The one thing he truly wanted to talk to Arthur about was the one thing he really couldn't.

"I'm fine," he said again. "I've got duties."

Arthur nodded. "I have a meeting with Algernon this afternoon. Will you be there?"

"Of course."

"Thank you for the food," Arthur kissed him, properly this time, and Merlin sighed.

He left Arthur's chambers with a genuine smile.


	22. In Battle, Side-By-Side

**a/n: this chapter is long. **_**Really **_**long. It's actually almost 30 pages on Word. But I kind of really like it. The story is coming to its conclusion and this chapter is very important for that.**

**Also, I've bumped the rating up to M for this story. There ****won't ****be any smut, but the language and some of the themes require an M rating. I didn't anticipate this when I first started writing Endlessly, but my writing kind of got away with me.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Magic is _not _evil, Arthur."

Arthur sighed at Algernon, rubbing a hand over his face tiredly. "I have seen its evil, Algernon."

They were sat in a room that had been chosen specifically for the meetings between the two kings. It was a peaceful, open room in the castle, protected by two guards outside. It was occupied by King Arthur, his knights of the round table and Merlin and Algernon and a group of his knights. The meeting had been going on for an hour and they'd been going over the same thing numerous times to no avail: whether or not magic was evil. Neither king was getting anywhere.

"You witnessed the evils of your father, yet you do not condemn him," Algernon pointed out.

Arthur's expression darkened. "Watch your tongue."

"I do not like to speak ill of the dead, but Uther was a tyrant. I fear you are following in his path, Arthur. I'm only trying to prevent that from happening. I believe you are a good man, Arthur, and with guidance you will become a great one. You're a fair king but there is still much you need to learn."

Arthur glared coldly at the older man. Algernon had been a king for longer and perhaps knew more, but that did not mean he knew _better_. He did not want an advisor, especially not one who trusted _magic_ of all things.

"Your hatred of magic is prejudice that your father taught you," Algernon added.

"My father is dead, Algernon. He has not ruled Camelot for a long time. He has no voice in what happens here."

"Exactly," Algernon nodded. "So do not let what _his _opinion on the matter was sway yours."

"Magic is evil," Arthur repeated stubbornly.

"Magic is _not _inherently evil," Algernon argued immediately. "It is only some evil people who wield it for evil means. That is the fault of the sorcerer, not the magic itself. Magic is natural, part of the earth, it belongs in this world more so than even you and me. It is in the trees, the earth, it is the music that calls to the animals and the breath of the wind around us. It has always been here."

"Yes, well," Arthur cleared his throat. "People tap into that magic for evil purposes."

"Some people are _born_ with magic, they do not _tap into _it or cast spells. It comes naturally to them. The druids, for example."

"I agree that the druids are not evil. They are a peaceful people." Arthur nodded. "But there are others that are evil."

"Only _some_," Algernon refuted, placing his hands on the table and leaning forward. "But the majority of sorcerers use magic for good. Magic can be used for healing, to help with crops, for protection."

"And those who _do _use it for evil purposes?" Arthur countered.

"I have things in place. We have sorcerers who maintain control over those who use magic in my kingdom. If there is a problem, they will put a stop to it."

"You can't _control_, magic," Arthur shook his head in disgust. "You believe that you have the issue sorted and that you are ahead of everyone else, _better _than everyone else. But the truth is, you can't tame magic. It is dangerous and unpredictable. At any moment there could be a revolution against you. Using magic to control magic is counterproductive, because it will turn on you in the end."

Algernon gazed at him for a long moment, sizing him up. Then he glanced over the other king's shoulder at the young man leaning against the wall. His posture was casual, almost bored, but it was obvious he was focused entirely on the discussion. His blue eyes settled on Algernon and he blinked when he discovered the older king was watching him.

"And what do _you _think?"

All eyes turned to the manservant and he shifted slightly, clearly uncomfortable with the attention. He met Arthur's eyes briefly, noting that the king looked just as surprised as he was, before glancing at Gwaine. He was leaning forward and when Merlin looked at him he gave a small nod, his expression serious for once.

"Me?" Merlin asked, looking back at Algernon. "I'm just a servant, Your Highness."

"Exactly," Algernon replied, his dark eyes sparkling. "You're not a noble. You're a citizen of Camelot. What _do _you think on the matter?"

"I'm sorry, Your Highness, but I am just a servant. I have no voice here."

"No," Arthur spoke up suddenly, shaking his head to stop Merlin's protests. "No, go ahead, Merlin."

"I..." Merlin swallowed.

This was his chance. He could give Arthur his advice. He could tell his king that magic _was _natural, that it _was _good and pure. This was his chance to help Arthur fulfil his destiny: to unite Albion and bring peace with magic. Magic would no longer be outlawed and he would be free to tell Arthur the truth. This was his chance to do what he'd always longed for: to help his people be free.

But it wasn't the right time. As sadly desperate as he was for it to be, he knew it wasn't. Arthur and Camelot wasn't ready yet. _Merlin _wasn't ready yet. Magic had a long way to go before it could be free. And he had a long time to go before he could stop lying to Arthur, before he himself could be free.

"I..." he felt like he was being ripped in two. His destiny and his loyalty to his magic tearing him apart. How could he make this choice? _This wasn't fair_.

"Yes, Merlin?" Arthur encouraged, his expression open..._trusting_.

Merlin wanted to cry. He wanted to disappear. He wanted his destiny to belong to someone else because this wasn't right. This was _cruel_. Fate might as well stab him in the heart. It would have the same affect.

"My lord," Merlin whispered. He cleared his throat before continuing, "My lord, I believe that changing the laws on magic in Camelot would not be a wise decision. Perhaps in the future, but not now. Magic is still feared by those in Camelot. It is likely that legalising it would cause a revolution."

It didn't hurt as much because it was true. He knew Gaius would agree. Even the druids would agree. But, judging by his expression, Algernon wasn't finished yet.

"But do _you, _personally, ignoring everything else, believe that magic is evil?" he asked, his voice not unkind.

"I..."

"Do you fear it?"

"I..." Merlin looked at the floor, not looking at anyone as he lied to them, as he betrayed his people in order to protect Arthur, his _destiny_. "Yes."

Silence filled the room for a long, tense moment. It was only when Algernon cleared his throat that Merlin dared look up. Arthur was slightly turned away from him, clearly ready to move on with the meeting, but there was a troubled look in his eyes. Merlin swallowed, glancing at Gwaine.

He looked...disappointed. It wrenched Merlin's heart from his chest. Gwaine, his best friend, was disappointed in him. He looked down again, feeling sick. What had he just done?

Sometimes...sometimes he felt his destiny crushing him.

**0**

"Emrys."

Merlin glanced up, wide eyed, at Algernon before sweeping his gaze around the corridor, making sure they were alone. The king smiled at his startled expression.

"I have some powerful sorcerers, Emrys," he explained. "I know about the prophecies surrounding you and King Arthur."

"You can't reveal my secret," Merlin warned. "Was that what you were trying to do today, in the meeting?"

"No," Algernon's expression darkened. "I was trying to get your support."

"You put me in a bad position," Merlin shot back. "That wasn't fair."

"You lied. You betrayed your people."

Merlin stepped forward, his expression furious. "You have no idea what this destiny means for me, Algernon. I was _born_ into this destiny, I am alive solely to fulfil it. Everything is more important than that, even my own freedom."

"There are people out there, Emrys, innocent people who have to hide and live in terrible conditions out of fear of being _killed_ if they don't. Killed for something that isn't their fault. You can stop that, yet you choose not to. I was always told that Emrys is a good man."

"I am not a god or a hero," Merlin snapped. "I am a _man_. I have sacrificed so much, I have _done _so much and I've been forced to make choices that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Because I have to. For Albion, for Arthur, for _magic_. If I fulfil my destiny, Algernon, then Arthur will bring peace to Albion and magic will be free. We both want the same thing. But if we force it, if we try and make it happen _now_, then it won't work."

Algernon gazed at him sadly for a long moment before placing his hand on the servant's shoulder. "I hope your destiny is worth it."

Merlin spoke past the lump in his throat, "Me too."

Algernon nodded once. The king wasn't a sorcerer but Merlin still felt a kinship with him in that moment. He did not hate or condemn sorcerers. He _understood_.

As he watched Algernon disappear into his chambers, movement caught Merlin's eye. He looked to his right just in time to see a figure hurry down the adjacent corridor. The strong features, crisp dark hair and cold blue eyes had been familiar and Merlin recognised the dark green of the cloak. It was one of Algernon's knights.

But as he watched the knight disappear, the same sense of dread slid into his heart and the sorcerer's words entered his mind.

_He'll eat your heart_.

**0**

"Merlin."

Merlin glanced at Arthur in surprise. He sounded so...lost.

"Arthur?"

The king turned to face him. He looked awful; his hair was messy from where he'd been running his hands though it repeatedly, his face was pale and he looked exhausted. Not just physically, but mentally. The sense of dread in Merlin's heart grew even colder.

"What is it?" he whispered.

"Algernon refused to sign the treaty," Arthur said quietly.

"But..." Merlin reeled, stunned. "But that means..."

They both knew what it meant, but Arthur said it anyway.

"We're at war again."

Merlin stood still for several moments, letting that sink in. His heart pounded in his chest, his lungs felt stuffed with cotton and his head ached. His magic stirred restlessly, choking him slightly in its intensity. _Something wasn't right_.

He shoved it down, took a deep breath. _Not now_.

"It'll be alright, Arthur."

Arthur gave a bitter laugh. "No, it won't. We both know that."

Merlin didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. He wrapped his arms around Arthur and held him tightly, breathing in his scent.

"Arthur," he swallowed, working to keep his voice steady. "Listen, I...I need to go."

Arthur pulled back, looking at him in surprise. "Go?"

"To Ealdor," he clarified. "I need to see my mother."

Arthur gave an incredulous chuckle. "Camelot is at war and you need to visit your mother?"

"I'm sorry, Arthur. But there's something I have to do."

"Merlin..." Arthur stared at him, his gaze sad. "I need you right now. At my side, just as you've always been."

"I need to do this, Arthur. Please, just trust me. I'll be back, I promise."

Arthur stepped back, away from him, betrayal in his eyes. "Merlin, all those times I mocked you...I was joking. You've always been the bravest man I've ever met."

"Arthur..."

"I guess I was wrong."

"_Arthur_."

It was only his name, but spoken with enough hurt and pleading that it stopped Arthur from walking away. He spun back to face Merlin, gripping his face tightly between his hands.

"I know you won't tell me what's going on or what it is you need to do," he said fiercely. "But whatever it is, Merlin, _you come back_, understand? You come back and you come back unharmed."

"I will," Merlin promised.

He kissed him firmly and Merlin clung to him, not wanting to let go. Arthur was warm and solid and _safe _against him. What if he left only to lose Arthur? The idea made him feel like his heart was burning in his chest. But he had to go. He had to _know_. And then he had to stop it.

Merlin left Arthur without saying goodbye. It was too final and he refused for it to be so dramatic. He would be back. Everything would be fine. He'd fulfil his destiny and Arthur would fulfil his.

They _had _to.

**0**

Gwaine caught up Merlin as he was saddling his horse. Merlin looked at the knight, noting the grim look in his eyes. He looked down, guilt tearing at his heart.

"You're leaving, then?"

Merlin nodded. "I have to."

"Camelot's at war," Gwaine continued. "Arthur needs you. We _all _need you, even if most of the others don't know just how much you can help us."

"Gwaine," Merlin looked the knight in the eyes. "I _am _helping. I have to do this."

Gwaine didn't say anything. He just gazed at the servant with a solemn expression on his face. Merlin looked away.

"I've disappointed you."

"For leaving? A little bit. But if this is something you have to do, something that will help us, then I understand." Gwaine shook his head. "But what the _fuck_ was that in the meeting, Merlin? You had the chance to _do _something and you lied through your teeth."

"Gwaine," Merlin warned. "Don't."

The knight stared at him for a moment before shaking his head. "Arthur isn't an idiot, Merlin. He knew you were lying. All the times we've sought out sorcerers and you argued that they'd done nothing wrong, that they hadn't harmed anyone. All the times we've been too places and you rambled on about how you could _feel_ how pure it was, how alive it was, when we couldn't. Arthur knows you lied in the meeting."

"He can't follow me."

Gwaine's hard, unforgiving expression melted away. "What you're doing...it's going to be dangerous?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm coming with you," the knight said immediately.

"No," Merlin shook his head. "It's dangerous, Gwaine, more so for you than for me."

"Merlin."

"Something's coming, Gwaine. I can _feel _it." Merlin tapped his chest. "I feel so cold. My magic is restless, lashing out, _warning _me. Something bad is coming for Arthur and Camelot and I _don't know what it is_. None of the prophecies say anything about it. But I know it involves Algernon and the war between our kingdoms. I need to search for answers. I need to be prepared. And when I am, I will return and I will fight it."

"Merlin, I'm not letting you go alone. Aside from sorcerers, there are bandits and all sorts out there. It's too dangerous."

"Gwaine," Merlin rested his hand on the knight's shoulder. "You are my friend. My _best _friend. You're one of the greatest and bravest men I know. I'm honoured that you would join me. But Camelot is at war and it needs you. _Arthur _needs you. You have to stay."

"Friendship means more to me than my knight's code, Merlin," Gwaine argued.

"Camelot needs you more than I do," Merlin gave a warm smile. "I'll be back soon, Gwaine. This isn't goodbye. Everything will be alright. I'll _make _it alright."

"Fine," Gwaine sighed. "_Fine_."

"Thank you."

Gwaine reached out and clasped Merlin's forearm tightly, gazing into his eyes. "Be careful, Merlin. Come back and come back _safe_. If not for yourself or for me, then for Arthur."

"I will."

Merlin mounted his horse and looked down at Gwaine, offering a cheerful smile. Gwaine smiled back, but his eyes were troubled.

"You said that something terrible is coming. What if it is death?" he asked. "You're powerful, Merlin. Can you stop it?"

Merlin shook his head sadly. "Not even I can stop death, Gwaine."

**0**

It took a long time. Eventually, Merlin lost track of where he was. He scoured each kingdom, travelling far and wide, never stopping anywhere for long. Days were spent travelling and searching each kingdom and citadel. Nights were spent travelling until it was too dark and he'd eventually set up a lone camp.

It was...gruelling. So much travelling, little sleep, little food, and absolutely zero information. The only company was his horse. And he begun to realise that if he returned to Camelot, he wasn't sure if he'd be the same. It felt like the longer his journey was, the more he was going insane from the loneliness.

It could have been months, it could have been a _year_, Merlin had lost track of the time. He eventually came across citadels that spoke with odd dialects who had odd ways who regarded him as if he was a monster. But he found the sorcerers and magicians and the soothsayers. He hunted out every sorcerer he could find, the lowest ones and the most powerful, to find out any information.

Each time he left with no progress whatsoever, it was like a knife twisting in his gut. He had not anticipated this. And back in Camelot, Arthur was preparing for war. Alone. Without him there to help and advise him. He and the knights were getting themselves ready to fight and _he wasn't there_. But it was too late to turn back now. He _had _to know.

It was when he stumbled across a small, rural village on the outskirts of a large citadel he did not know the name of (or what kingdom he was in, for that matter) that he discovered some information. A young man, barely of age, found him drinking water from the village's horse trough and convinced him to have food and rest at his house.

Merlin was tired. Not just physically, but the kind of weary fatigue that seeps into the bones and the soul. He had not used his magic in a long time. At first, it had been out of control, lashing out when he did not mean to use it. It was a warning of what was coming, trying to get him to do something. And then there was nothing. It was still there, deep within him, hibernating, but no longer vibrant and humming with energy. Before he could always access it on instinct in a second, but now he had to really focus in order to feel it. The thought troubled him but he let his quest distract him.

He knew the rumours were spreading from citadel to citadel. Perhaps they'd even reach Camelot. Merlin wanted Gwaine to have some idea of how Merlin was doing. He'd seen so many sorcerers who had known him as Emrys. The whispered, reverent gossip of him spread from magician to magician, telling one another that Emrys was roaming the earth on a quest for information. But it was useless; no one knew anything.

The boy rambled on as they walked to his small hut. It housed a family of four. His mother was a widow, raising him, his two child sisters and his little brother. He'd recently found work as an apprentice to a blacksmith. He was of age; it was time to be the man of the house in wake of his father. When the boy finished his life story he turned to Merlin, a youthful expression of friendliness on his face.

"We're nice to strangers 'ere," he proclaimed cheerfully. "If you need food and wate', we're 'appy to help. Maybe one day that stranger will help us i' return."

He grinned, showing a very few, blackened teeth. Merlin couldn't help but smile back, warmth stirring within him. It had been a long time since he'd had honest human company.

"Thank you," he said sincerely. "I will try to help with anything you need. I'm Merlin."

"Thomas," the boy returned and whistled tunelessly as they arrived at a tiny hut. "Come on in."

Merlin followed Thomas into the house. In the crowded space, two young girls were helping their mother cook at the stove. A baby was settled in the corner. As Thomas greeted his family warmly, the mother turned away.

Pale, elegant lines marked her face. The language of magic. It wasn't artificial; she had been born with it. She had been born with magic, but she wasn't a druid; the markings were different. Another group of magicians, then.

"Hello," she smiled a soft, genuine smile that immediately made Merlin feel at home.

"Mother, I found 'im drinkin' from t'horse troughs," Thomas explained. "Thought maybe..."

"Yes, yes, of course," the mother ushered Merlin to the table. "You sit there, love. I have food for an extra and water. Do you need rest?" she gazed at him, concern crinkling her brow. "You look like you have been travelling for a long time."

"I have," Merlin nodded, his stomach growling quietly. "I'm sorry, but what citadel is this?"

Both the mother and Thomas gave him a quizzical look but answered. Merlin blinked, surprised.

"I...am incredibly far from home."

She smiled and dished out a plate full of food for him, putting it in front of him with a glass of water. He took a greedy gulp of water, feeling slightly better. She sat across from him as he began to eat.

"You have magic," she murmured.

He glanced up at her, pausing.

"Part of my magic," she explained. "I can't do much. But I can sense those who have magic. Yours is...strong. I can feel how powerful and vibrant it is. It is pure, a part of you. You _are _magic. That is very rare to find. It is like a fire, deep within you."

Merlin gazed at her, surprised but pleased. She could sense it. It was still there, still vibrant. It was simply waiting. He relaxed slightly, relieved.

"I'm Radella."

"I'm Merlin," he returned. "But you may know me as Emrys."

The slight widening of her warm brown eyes told him that she did know of Emrys. He offered a weak smile and she returned it, reaching across to take his hand. He looked up, startled at the very familiar, motherly touch from a strange woman, but it did not feel wrong. It was comforting.

"Emrys, you _are _very far from home," she agreed. "What are you doing here, alone, and so unwell?"

"I'm searching for help."

"What do you need?"

The simple, unhesitant offer of assistance was a shock to Merlin's core. It wasn't a reverent offer, like those who swore to do anything for him simply because he was Emrys. She was simply _good_ and willing to help him. Tears sprung to his eyes.

"Thank you," he whispered.

She smiled warmly, petting his hand fondly. "It's no trouble, dear. How can I help?"

He explained to her that Camelot was at war and about the feelings he'd been getting. He told her everything, about the sorcerer and his warning, about the sense of dread and knowledge of something terrible coming, how no one, not even the druids or the dragon, knew anything about it. He had explained it so many times that it was practically a practised speech now, but she listened attentively.

"I'm afraid I don't know of any prophecy that fits," Radella admitted. "And it seems no other sorcerers do either. But I may be able to help."

Hope roused Merlin's magic from its rest. He kept it tamed within him and sat upright, staring at the kind woman in front of him.

"Really?" he breathed. "How?"

She gave a mischievous smile that immediately made her look a lot younger and more carefree. "You've spent so long scouring the earth for sorcerers, Merlin. Did it ever occur to you to ask _others_? Perhaps the elves?"

"The...elves?" he repeated, dumbstruck. Of course, he'd heard of them and read about them in Gaius' books about magic. But there were few elves left and they were very secretive and incredibly good at hiding. He hadn't thought to try and seek one out. "Oh."

Radella gestured to her markings. "I am kin with them. I'm not an elf, but I share their magic. I can seek their assistance."

Merlin smiled his crooked, cheerful grin, relieved. "_Thank _you."

"Don't get too hopeful," Radella warned. "If the soothsayers and druids don't know, it is unlikely that the elves know much more. But it is worth a try."

He reached out, grasping her hands in his. "Thank you, really, I mean it."

"It is no trouble, Merlin," she assured him. "Come, finish your food. You can bathe and rest here tonight. I'll ensure your horse also has food and water. I will have an answer for you by midday tomorrow."

He nodded, thanking her again, and finished his food. Thomas lead him out of the house and into a small barn behind the tiny hut where their animals were kept. There was a small bed of straw on the top level.

"The little 'ens sleep in t'house," Thomas explained. "You can have my bed t'night."

"No, it's alright," Merlin assured him. "I won't take your bed." He gazed at the boy thoughtfully. "You're used to magic."

"Yes."

It was nice to be around people who accepted and even had magic. He could be himself. He relaxed and glanced at the blocks of straw around him. It took him a moment, but finally his eyes flashed gold, his magic surging through him, the most wonderful and natural sensation in his world. In seconds, a shoddy but suitable bed of straw was waiting for him. He hadn't even needed to use a spell.

He smiled smugly. His magic was back.

Thomas' eyes widened in wonder. "That was brilliant."

Merlin smiled. "Thank you."

"Mother's magic i' different," Thomas continued. "It isn't secretive, not really, but...she needs peace an' quiet. That's why you can't watch."

Merlin nodded, understanding. After a moment, he gave a childish grin.

"Want to see something really brilliant?"

Thomas nodded eagerly. Merlin smiled at the joy in the boy's eyes and cupped his hands together, whispering a short incantation as his eyes bled from blue to gold. A small blue flower grew in his palms before transforming into a glorious blue butterfly. It fluttered around them for a moment before flying off into the night. Thomas' dark eyes were wide with awe and joy.

"That was..." his mouth opened and closed as he searched for the right word.

"There is other magic I can do, more powerful and impressive magic," Merlin admitted. "But that is true magic, _natural _magic. To create something, give it life, make it grow. Life is real. Life is natural, a magic in itself. It is the kind of magic that is easiest to me, like a breath of air."

"You...can control life?"

"Control it, no. No one can do that, not really. But I can create it. Not to humans – that isn't magic, not natural, anyway – but to the earth. The earth gives me its most natural resource: magic. In return, I give it life. I am at one with the earth and its wildlife. On the other side of the coin, I can't control death. I can try and prevent it, but I cannot truly stop it. Death is not magic, so to try and stop it with such would be futile. Nor can I bring people back to life. No one has that power, nor should they."

Thomas stared at him. There was a flicker of something in his dark eyes, something like magic. "Your soul is vibrant. Like a fire in t'darkness."

"You're like your mother," Merlin smiled.

Thomas nodded. Merlin felt safe and comfortable and _happy_ for the first time in a very long while. He was hopeful and that was enough to bring his magic and his joy to life. It was enough to make him _Merlin_ again, not Emrys.

Merlin entertained Thomas with magic and Thomas returned it with fascinating tales of the elves his mother had passed on to him. Eventually, they retired to their straw beds and drifted into peaceful slumber. It wasn't a mattress or pillow, but it was definitely more comfortable than the forest floor.

Merlin slept without interruption for the first time in months.

Radella had an answer for him the next morning. She refused to tell him anything until he bathed and ate a substantial breakfast. When he was so full he was sure another bite would make him burst, he sat back in his seat feeling refreshed from the bath and healthier than he had been in a long time. Radella smiled.

"The elves had plenty of answers," she began. "And they truly were happy to help you, Merlin. Enough that they wanted no boon."

Merlin's eyebrows shot up at that. "Really?" one of the key things about elves he'd read about was their obsession with boons. They only gave answers, advise or help with the oath of a boon in return. And the boon was never pleasant. They were a sly, dangerous species.

"It is said that one day Emrys will save them," she explained. "So they were happy to return the favour by helping you now. Had you sought out their help at the start, they would have agreed immediately."

Merlin grinned sheepishly. If only he'd thought to seek advice from others, not just sorcerers.

"They have the answers you seek," Radella assured him. "The sorcerer who gave you the warning was a powerful sorcerer and a soothsayer. His name was Alerot. He came from a long lineage of powerful magicians."

Merlin nodded, blanching at the terrible memory of the sorcerer's family burning alive in their home on Uther's orders. It still haunted him and he knew Arthur still thought of it, still hated himself and his father for some of the horrible things that had happened to sorcerers in the past.

"A long time ago, Alerot encountered the wolves. He was incredibly ill. His _magic_ was diseased. He needed a cure that only the elves could provide. They said they would give him the cure."

"With a boon in return," Merlin murmured.

Radella nodded. "Yes. In return for the cure, they wanted a prophecy from him. A prophecy that no one else knew. They wanted a secret."

Merlin leaned forward, struggling for breath. "And?"

"He told them of a prophecy regarding you," she nodded, confirming his hopes. "You're right. There is something terrible coming for Arthur and Camelot. Only you can stop it."

"Yes?"

"Algernon is being influenced by an incredibly powerful and a very dangerous sorcerer. He meddles with dark magic. He has been known to tamper with life and death. He was turned away from every other magic user for his crimes." She swallowed, fear in her dark eyes. "He believes that normal humans, those who do not use magic, are scum. He wants to enslave them...starting with the strongest kingdoms. First he took Algernon's. He's got control of the king's mind and so magic is now legal there. Eventually, those who do not use magic in the kingdom will be enslaved. Now he's using Algernon to influence Arthur and Camelot."

"But Algernon never agreed to a treaty," Merlin frowned.

"Because Arthur refused to accept magic in Camelot," Radella explained. "So now the sorcerer is using the war."

Merlin's heart pounded painfully against his ribs. This was the answer he had been looking for but the dread in his bones increased. He had to return to Camelot. He had to _stop_ this. What the sorcerer was planning was abominable. He refused to let it happen.

"The sorcerer," Merlin swallowed. "What is his name?"

"Blacwin."

"What does he look like?" Merlin had a nagging suspicion.

Radella leaned forward, looking in his eyes for permission before placing her index fingers on his temples. He closed his eyes, letting his magic respond to hers. The magic weaved together, joining them in one of the most familiar and trusting ways for sorcerers, and Merlin felt her magic touch his mind.

It was just a flash of picture at first, but it was enough. The dark hair, strong features, ice blue eyes and dark cloak were enough to identify Blacwin. The knight that had been listening in on his conversation with Algernon.

Blacwin knew who he really was. That definitely was not good.

Then the prophecy spun through his mind. A battle between Camelot and Algernon's kingdom, blood and gore and magic overpowering Camelot's army. Blacwin emerging from the flames, using dark magic to...

_To kill Arthur_.

Once the king was dead, Algernon, under Blacwin's control, would invade and take over Camelot. And then they'd move on to the other kingdoms.

Merlin jerked back with a gasp, feeling sick. _No_. No, that couldn't happen. He refused to let it happen. _He refused_.

Arthur was going to die.

"I have to do," Merlin whispered, staggering to his feet.

Radella smiled sadly. "I know. I wish you luck, Merlin. But I know you can do this. It is your destiny to protect him."

"Thank you," he drew her into an embrace. "Thank you so much. You have done me a kindness beyond belief. If there is ever anything, _anything_ you need, I will help you, I swear. _Thank _you."

"You're welcome," she laughed. "Now go! You have a king to save."

He gave her a bright smile, bid goodbye to her and the children, and left. He had a long journey ahead of him but he felt better. _Hopeful_. He knew what he had to fight against now and that was better. Because he would fight it with every damn thing he had. He had what he wanted and it was time to go home.

He was returning to Camelot.

**0**

When he had no destination in mind, he hadn't really kept track of just how far he was travelling or how long it took. Now he knew _exactly _where he was going, the journey seemed to be endless. When he finally saw the familiar castle rising in the distance, he was sure his heart would burst out of his chest with relief and joy. He was home.

It took him a further hour to reach the citadel. He was tempted to stop in the markets for food and drink, but instead he went straight for the castle. He could feel people staring as he rode into the courts and dismounted.

"_Merlin_!"

Merlin turned, smiling widely when he saw Gwen running towards him. She looked..._wonderful_. He felt his breath leave him as he realised he was truly home and back with his friends. Gwen embraced him tightly, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

"Merlin," she gasped. "You're back!"

"Yes," he smiled. "It's good to see you, Gwen."

"Where _were _you? They said you went to Ealdor but you have been gone for long and you look..." she trailed off, gazing at him in concern. "Are you alright?"

He nodded. "I am now."

"Oh, Merlin," she sighed. "Things haven't been right without you. It is good you're back."

"How long was I gone?"

"Almost seven months," she shook her head at him. "You weren't in Ealdor, were you?"

"No," he gave her an apologetic smile. "Have I missed much?"

She bit her lip, looking troubled. "Merlin...perhaps you should speak to Arthur or Gwaine."

"Alright..." cold dread slid down his spine. What had happened?

"It is so good to see you back, Merlin, really. Things just haven't been right."

"I'm back now," he assured her. "For good."

She nodded and bid him goodbye, needing to finish her chores. Merlin entered the familiar castle, lingering slightly in the corridors to take in the familiar surroundings. It had been so long and he had missed it so much. It felt so good to be home.

It took him a while to find Arthur or any of the knights. He kept being stopped by servants and guards who greeted him excitedly, all expressing their joy that he was back. He thanked them, a little unnerved by just _how_ out of sorts they all seemed, and finally was told by George (who, surprisingly, also seemed glad to see him) that Arthur and the knights of the round table were in the throne room.

The guards outside the throne room looked startled to see Merlin but allowed him entry without hesitation. He shuffled into the room, suddenly nervous. His heart thudded in his chest at the thought of seeing Arthur again. It had been almost seven months. Too long.

The room fell silent as the knights stared at him, stunned. He shifted awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. Perhaps he should have cleaned up first. He needed food, a bath and to shave, not to mention some clean clothes.

"_Merlin_," Leon was the first to speak. "Merlin, is that really you?"

He nodded. "Yes. Sorry I've been gone for so long...I, uh, I didn't really keep track of the time."

He jumped at the sound of chairs scraping back across the stone floor as they got to their feet. Gwaine reached him first. He held out a hand but Gwaine slapped it aside, instead pulling him into a tight embrace.

"I bloody hate you," he grumbled in the servant's ear. "You don't do that again, understood?"

"I'm sorry," Merlin replied sincerely. "I'm back now and I won't be leaving again. I got what I wanted."

Gwaine released him and allowed the rest of the knights to greet him, all expressing varying attitudes of being glad to see him back and threatening to kill him if he pulled something like that again. Merlin smiled, truly feeling at home.

Finally, they left him be and Merlin saw Arthur. He swallowed, his heart flipping unpleasantly in his chest. Arthur didn't really look very different, not physically, but his eyes looked tired, so tired...and sad. He stumbled forward a step, unsure of what to do, but Arthur shook his head slightly, his gaze seeming to say _not now_. But there was a small, happy smile on his face. He was glad to see Merlin.

"Welcome back," he greeted. "You can start your extra chores tomorrow."

"Extra chores?" Merlin gaped.

"You were gone for seven months, Merlin," Arthur's tone darkened slightly. "Extra chores is letting you off lightly."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Prat."

Arthur grinned at the insult and Merlin couldn't help but smile back, feeling lighter and better than he had done throughout his journey. But then he remembered Gwen's words and his smile faded.

"What have I missed?"

"Sit down, Merlin," Percival pulled a chair out for him. "You look exhausted."

He nodded gratefully and took the seat, immediately feeling better once he was off his feet. His bones ached and his muscles felt uncomfortably tight.

"Things...haven't been great in your absence, Merlin," Elyan murmured. "We're at war with Algernon's kingdom. We've lost a lot of guards. For a while we were close to famine because they interrupted our food source. Thankfully we turned it around, but it was close."

Merlin rubbed a hand over his face, closing is eyes. No wonder the people of Camelot seemed so out of sorts.

"We've lost three of our knights," Arthur spoke, his voice thick. "Sir William, Sir Aldwin and Sir Beval. They were killed by one of Algernon's sorcerers. They...the magic burned them from the inside out."

Merlin felt like he was going to sick. He took a deep breath as his magic pulsed through him in reaction to his fury. He pushed it down fiercely, calming himself. Blacwin had dared kill three knights. He'd dared kill Merlin's _friends_. That meant no second chances. Merlin was going to fight and he was going to _win_.

"There's something else," Gwaine spoke up, gazing at his friend. "We go to battle in two days. We leave tomorrow."

_Battle_. The vision filled Merlin's mind again. Blacwin emerging from the blood and flames...killing Arthur...

He felt the blood drain from his face. No. No, it was too _soon_. He'd expected to have more time to warn Arthur and prepare himself for what was coming. This wasn't fair.

"Merlin," Percival rested a hand on his arm. "Are you alright?"

"I..."

"Perhaps you should go eat and rest," Arthur suggested. "We can talk later."

Merlin nodded, stood and bowed, and left. Battle. In two days. He had to prepare himself. He had to be ready to protect Arthur and face Blacwin. He couldn't let the vision come true. He couldn't let Arthur or any of the others die. He refused to let it happen.

Gaius glanced up when Merlin entered the physician's chambers, his eyes widening when he saw who was at the door.

"Merlin!" he exclaimed.

"Gaius," he smiled, relieved to see his friend and mentor.

Gaius embraced him, clearly glad to see him. "I missed you, my boy."

"And I missed you, old man," Merlin offered a hopeful grin. "Any food, by any chance? I'm starving."

Gaius shook his head but prepared Merlin some food and gave him water. He drank the water greedily, wincing as it sloshed in his empty stomach. At Gaius' instruction, he ate the food slowly so as not to making himself ill. When he was finished, he felt a lot better. He stood from the bench just as there was a knock on the door.

"Gaius," the servant nodded to the physician. "King Arthur requests to see Merlin in his chambers."

"Thank you."

The servant nodded again and disappeared. Merlin stretched, thanked Gaius for the meal and promised to see him later to tell him about what had happened in the last seven months. He knew Gaius would be fascinated to learn about what had happened with the elves.

Arthur wasn't in his chambers when he arrived but there was a hot bath prepared and clean clothes on the bed with a note telling him to clean up. Merlin smiled, touched by the thoughtful gesture, and undressed, climbing gratefully into the hot water. It felt so good, soothing his sore muscles and weary bones, and it felt good to bathe.

He cleaned himself and shaved, feeling a lot better once the beard was gone. He felt more like himself. He was just climbing out of the rapidly cooling water when the door opened and he swore quietly, dunking back under the water.

Arthur smiled, locking the door behind him. "Relax, Merlin. You've seen me naked plenty of times after my bath."

That was true, but it didn't mean Merlin wasn't embarrassed to be seen naked. Arthur shook his head at Merlin's blush and pointed to the screen. Merlin grinned and when Arthur turned his back, climbed out of the bath and disappeared behind the screen to dry and dress himself.

He pulled on the undergarments and trousers Arthur had provided, but before he could tug on the shirt he felt hands on his back. He closed his eyes at Arthur's soothing touch, sighing. It felt wonderful.

"I'm sorry I was gone for so long," he murmured.

Arthur's lips brushed his shoulder blade, caressing a tiny, pale scar there. Merlin knew Arthur was studying the handful of small scars he had gotten from several run ins with bandits and some sorcerers who weren't particularly pleased to see Emrys. They were pale now, barely visible, as he'd used magic to help them heal.

"You've lost a lot of weight," Arthur observed, his hands running over Merlin's stomach where it concaved. "You're practically emaciated."

"Didn't eat that much," Merlin explained sheepishly.

He turned and Arthur cupped his face, staring into his eyes. A small, relieved smile touched his lips.

"You're still you," he said. "I can see it in your eyes. You're still _you_."

"Your poetry is improving," Merlin quipped.

"Idiot."

"Prat," he shot back, smiling. "I missed you, you clotpole."

Arthur captured his lips, kissing him firmly. Merlin exhaled shakily, closing his eyes as everything slid neatly back into place. He let the incredible sensations wash over him, groaning slightly as Arthur pressed him against the wall, his hands still on his face, his body warm and solid against his.

"Don't ever leave again," Arthur whispered against his lips.

"I won't," he promised.

Arthur pulled back, gazing at him. "Seven months, Merlin. I thought you'd be gone for a week at most, not _months_. No one knew anything, not even your mother. We had no idea how you were or if you were even _alive_. I never want to go through that again, Merlin, being stuck here thinking you're dead."

"I'm sorry."

"We searched for you," Arthur murmured. "But no one, even as far as Theor's kingdom, knew anything."

"I travelled for a long time and I travelled very far, even further than Theor's kingdom," Merlin replied. "But I'm back now. And I got what I was looking for."

"Good," Arthur slid a finger over Merlin's smooth, recently shaved jaw. "You looked so different earlier."

"You don't look any different. You still look like a massive prat."

Arthur laughed and shook his head, throwing a shirt at the servant. "Good to have you back, Merlin."

Merlin smiled and tugged on the shirt. But his good mood soured when he remembered what was happening soon. He needed to warn Arthur.

"Arthur," he started, following the king towards his desk. "While I was gone...I discovered something."

Arthur glanced up, frowning at Merlin's troubled expression. "What is it?"

"Algernon is being controlled by a powerful sorcerer called Blacwin. He's posing as a knight. He plans to invade Camelot and the other kingdoms and enslave those who don't use magic."

Arthur's expression darkened. He settled back in his chair, gazing at the man in front of him.

"Do you have any evidence?"

"Well, no," Merlin admitted. "But I need you to trust me."

"I do," Arthur assured him. "But there is little I can do without evidence."

"You'll be careful."

"Of course," Arthur smiled.

"We should prepare for tomorrow."

Arthur looked down, his expression troubled. Merlin stared at him, his heart sinking in his chest. Something wasn't right.

"What is it?" he demanded.

Arthur looked up, his expression serious. "You're not coming with us, Merlin."

"You don't get to make that decision."

"I am _king_, Merlin."

"And _I _am the man who loves you, you bloody idiot!" Merlin snapped. "I'm coming with you to the battle."

"I..." Arthur stared at him, caught off guard. "You love me?"

Merlin's eyes widened as he realised what he'd said. "I...well, yes, I suppose I do."

Arthur's expression shifted into happiness, a wide smile on his face. "I love you too."

"If you mean that, you'll let me join in the battle."

"Don't you _dare_," Arthur got to his feet, his expression and tone dark. "Don't you dare blackmail me that way, Merlin. It's _because _I love you that I'm making you stay here. I couldn't bear it if you got hurt, Merlin."

"And you think I'm any different?" he shot back. "I won't see you hurt, Arthur. I will be at your side."

"No."

"So you'd have me stay here with the women and the cowards?" Merlin asked coldly. "I may not be a knight, Arthur, but I most definitely am _not _weak. I can help. I will be there. I will defend Camelot and I will protect you, whether you like it or not."

"_Merlin_."

"You don't get to make the decision for me, Arthur. You can try and make me stay behind as the king, but I will resent you for it for the rest of our lives. And as my friend, as the man I love, you definitely have no say in my decision. I am coming with you."

"Merlin..."

"I suggest you get some rest if we leave tomorrow," Merlin bowed, his anger getting the better of him. "Good evening, Sire."

"_Merlin_!" Arthur thundered.

The servant left before he could say anything more, shutting the door firmly behind him.

**0**

Arthur gazed at Merlin as he mounted his horse alongside the knights. He was wearing chainmail and armour. They hadn't had time to prepare some that fitted him but they found some that came close. He had a shield and a sword.

When he'd seen Merlin in Gwaine's chainmail and armour, Arthur had been turned on by the sight. But seeing him now he felt nothing but fear. Merlin standing in battle, defending him and Camelot, wasn't something he wanted to see. He didn't think he was weak but in all honesty he _was_. He'd lost weight and muscle mass while he was gone. He was still tired and weak from his journey. He did not know how to fight or defend himself. The little training Arthur had given him with a sword was not good enough. He was going to get hurt...or worse.

Arthur refused to let that happen. He'd stay by Merlin's side and protect him no matter what.

He made the signal for them to ride out and as the sound of hooves echoed around them, he moved so he was riding alongside Merlin. The servant glanced at him, clearly expecting the king to order him to stay behind, but Arthur merely gazed at him for a moment before giving him a nod.

Merlin smiled, relieved. He was going to be there at the battle. He would stay by Arthur's side and protect him with everything he had.

He would fight. And he would win.

**0**

"For the love of Camelot!"

The roar filled Merlin's ears, merging with the clatter of metal against metal, cries of pain and the sound of gore.

Blood and carnage. That was all Merlin could see. It was...terrible. So much death and blood staining the ground. What he couldn't see he could _feel_. His magic was shifting restlessly within him, so attuned to the magic of the earth that he could feel its anguish at the death and pain and misery happening around him.

He wasn't an idiot. He knew he would not defend himself or anyone else with a sword. He was useless with weapons. But he had his magic and that helped. He stayed with the knights and kept Arthur within his sight at all times. He refused to let anyone die.

But that didn't mean he could kill those he fought. He knocked them out, made sure they wouldn't get up, but he didn't kill them. He _couldn't _kill. It wasn't right. His magic was too pure to be used to kill.

"_Merlin_!" Gwaine's roar reached his ears, snapping him out of his horror as the earth screamed through his magic, begging for the death to stop.

He turned just in time to be knocked painfully to the ground. His sword clattered uselessly beside him. From the corner of his eye, he saw Gwaine, Percival and Leon running towards him, but they weren't fast enough. The enemy raised his sword to strike.

Blood splattered over Merlin as a sword appeared through the knight's chest, killing him instantly. The sword was pulled roughly out and the knight shoved to the side. Arthur stood over Merlin, his sword still dripping with the blood of the recently deceased enemy. Wordlessly, he held out a hand, dragging Merlin to his feet.

The realisation hit Merlin in that instant. Just like he was at Arthur's side, protecting him without hesitation, Arthur was at _his _side, protecting him. It made him feel breathless.

Arthur put his back to Merlin's, growling a warning to stay alive in his ear. Merlin grinned slightly and promised to do his best. Together, they struggled through the mass of blood and carnage and fire, taking down assailants.

Merlin refused to use too much magic or magic that draw attention to him. This wasn't the time to reveal his magic to Arthur and the knights.

But, in the end, that decision was taken away from him.

He heard a shout and looked up in time to see Elyan and Percival knocked off their feet to land several feet away. But no one had touched them. Merlin watched in relief as the knights got to their feet, clearly not badly hurt, and glanced at a man who still had his hand raised. _Sorcerer_.

Algernon had brought sorcerers into the battle.

"_Arthur_!" Merlin cried, gesturing to the men who now appeared around them. They were hard to identify as magic users, which would make fighting them even harder. "Sorcerers."

"I know," Arthur replied tightly, but there was fear in his eyes. "Merlin, run."

"No."

Arthur looked over his shoulder at him. "You bloody idiot."

"Prat," Merlin shot back with a weak smile.

Arthur shook his head and they threw themselves back into the battle. The knights managed to fight and kill some of the sorcerers but it wasn't long before Arthur, Merlin, Leon and Gwaine found themselves tightly packed together, crowded by a group of sorcerers.

They lifted their hands as one, muttering under their breath. Arthur reached out, grabbing Merlin's hand tightly.

The decision was made in that instant. Merlin had no choice.

"I'm sorry, Arthur."

Arthur looked at him in confusion.

Merlin raised his hand.

"Cume thoden," he cried.

His eyed flashed gold and a whirlwind ripped through the sorcerers, disorientating them before they could finish their spell. He didn't give them time to recover, his eyes flashing gold again as he threw them off their feet and back several yards.

Silence fell over the group. Merlin glanced first at Gwaine, who looked at him with a mixture of awe at what he had done and pity at what he'd had to do. Then he risked a glance at Arthur.

He looked horrified.

"Arthur..."

"You're..." Leon choked out. "Merlin's a _sorcerer_."

"Arthur," Merlin pleaded. "I'm sorry."

The betrayal and disgust and _fear _in Arthur's eyes cut him to the core. He wanted to beg, to try and make him understand, but neither man got a chance to say anything. They were knocked off their feet as the sorcerers returned, banding together. They kept their wary gazes on Merlin, now aware that he had magic.

"_Go_," Merlin hissed to Gwaine, getting to his feet. "I'll take care of them."

Gwaine nodded and grabbed Arthur, pulling him away. Merlin knew he had no choice now. It was magic against magic. The sorcerers had to die because simply using spells to disorientate or knock them out wouldn't work. He had to kill them.

He was Emrys. His magic was stronger. It was his destiny to protect Arthur. He knew he would win.

"_Acwele_," he shouted, thrusting his hands out towards the sorcerers.

It wasn't a brutal death. It was painless. Their bodies died instantly and they crumbled to the ground, their eyes already lifeless. But the sadness was still there, embedding itself in Merlin's heart.

_Forgive me_, he thought to the earth around him. His magic flared, warming him almost like an embrace, comforting him. He was forgiven.

He searched for Arthur and the others. Screams filled his ears and all he could see was blood and fire. But he knew that Camelot was losing. The sorcerers were too strong and Merlin couldn't fight all of them at once.

He threw back his head, having to roar for his voice to carry over the sounds of battle.

"_**O drakon, fthengomai au se kalon su katerkheo deuro**_!"

Kilgarrah had to help. He _had _to.

Pain burst through Merlin's chest. He screamed out, clawing at his chest as he dropped to his knees. His magic flared, trying to heal him, but it didn't work. It felt like his heart was being burned to ash still inside of him.

_He'll eat your heart_.

"_Emrys_!"

Merlin dropped his head, gasping for breath. Using every ounce of breath he had, he staggered to his feet and turned. Blacwin emerged from the fire a few feet away, cold and ruthless. He kept his hand up, squeezed in a fist, his blue eyes glacial as he tortured the other sorcerer.

"Do you feel the burn?" he asked. Somehow, his quiet voice carried over the sounds of battle and time seemed to slow down. Just them in their bubble of magic. "Your heart is burning, Emrys. It'll be nothing but ash soon."

He twisted his fist and Merlin cried out sharply as the fire burned hotter in his chest, making it hard to breathe, hard to move, hard to focus.

Movement caught his eye. Arthur. He had his sword tight in his hand, staring at Merlin in horror. Then he shifted to look at Blacwin. _No_.

Even in his agony, his instinct was to protect Arthur and his magic flared before Arthur could attack Blacwin. The king rebounded off an invisible wall that now surrounded the two sorcerers, keeping everyone else out.

Merlin took a deep breath, focusing. He and Blacwin were stuck in there now, which meant he couldn't help Arthur or the knights against the other sorcerers. His eyes flashed gold and he watched as time outside the bubble he and Blacwin were in slowed down. That would do for now.

But Arthur was still staring in horror, fear in his eyes as his mouth moved slowly, his roar barely reaching Merlin's ears.

"_Merlin, __**no**_!"

Merlin had to live. He had to stop Blacwin and protect Arthur and Camelot. He _had _to. He couldn't let Blacwin enslave people.

Blacwin yanked suddenly and Merlin's back arched, a scream tearing from his lungs as his heart burned. Blood dribbled from his lips. _No_, Blacwin wouldn't win, he _wouldn't_.

"_**Acwele**_**!**"

Blacwin countered the spell but was thrown back off his feet, rebounding off the shield Merlin had put up and hitting the ground hard. Merlin slumped to the ground, scrabbling in the bloodstained dirt. It hurt. It hurt too much. He couldn't.

But then his magic was there, a cool relief against the burn, healing him. He took deep breaths, letting his magic do what it needed to do, reacting to the basic instinct: survival.

"Emrys!"

Blacwin was on his feet, striding over to him. Merlin rolled onto his back but before he could get to his feet, Blacwin placed his foot on his chest, grinding him into the blood and mud around him. He cried out, fists clenching as his magic fought back.

"Emrys," Blacwin drawled, the word almost a caress. "The most powerful warlock to ever live. The boy destined to protect the Once and Future King. You are _weak_."

He pushed down harder and Merlin felt a rib crack under the pressure.

"Who are _you _to deny magic freedom?"

"You only want magic to be free so you can _enslave _people!" Merlin shouted.

"They are weak. They don't deserve life."

"Neither do you," Merlin shot back. "You forgot one thing."

Blacwin held out his hands. "What? Say it quickly because they'll be your last words."

"Most powerful warlock to ever live, the boy destined to protect the Once and Future King, and the _last Dragonlord_."

Blacwin snarled and spun in time to see a cloud of flames consume the earth around them, closely followed by the Great Dragon. Kilgarrah soared close to the ground, roaring as he breathed fire over the enemies, burning alive large groups of sorcerers and enemy knights in one go. It all happened in slow motion, the horror happening in minute detail in front of their eyes.

"_**No**_!" Blacwin screamed. "Emrys, what have you _done_?"

Merlin staggered to his feet. "I'm sorry, Blacwin. But you forced my hand."

"You _fool_," Blacwin spat. "You will pay for this. Your precious king will pay."

With a sharp gesture and shouted word, the magic around them shattered. The world sped up again and Arthur charged forward, stumbling slightly in surprise.

In one swift movement, before Merlin could even shout a warning, Blacwin drew his sword and thrust it through Arthur's chest.

**0**

"No."

It was whispered, broken, but it carried over the sudden silence that seemed to surround Merlin. _No_.

He collapsed to his knees beside Arthur, pressing his hands over the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. Arthur's eyes were closed. He was almost gone. _**No**__._

Blacwin stood to his right, staring at the carnage around him as the Great Dragon and Camelot's knights destroyed his army. Algernon was already dead but still the enemies fought at Blacwin's order, fighting a battle they'd already lost.

No.

_No_.

_**No**_.

"No, Arthur," Merlin begged, his voice cracking as he cried. "Come on, you massive clotpole. I've done so much to keep you alive so don't you dare die now."

His eyes bled to gold as he tried every healing spell he knew, but nothing worked. He whispered them, screamed them, mouthed them, pounding at Arthur's chest, trying to save him.

_But it wasn't working_.

"Arthur, please," he choked. "Please. Wake up."

But it was too late. Arthur wasn't breathing.

And not even Emrys could bring people back from the dead.

He threw his head back, a hoarse roar escaping his throat. His magic burned through him and he let it go. Everything had to burn to dust. _Everything_. There was nothing to see, no sound, but the powerful expulsion of magic was stronger than anything ever witnessed before. It shook the ground, covered the surrounding area, and it knocked Blacwin, the sorcerers and the enemy knights of their feet in one go.

They were ash before they even hit the ground.

Camelot's knights stopped, stunned, and stared at the piles of ash around them. Then, slowly, they realised the source of the magic.

Merlin buried his head against Arthur's shoulder, his small frame shuddering as he sobbed and screamed, feeling like his heart was being wrenched from his chest. This was worse than Blacwin's torture, worse than any death he would have faced.

He'd lost Arthur.

Not even Emrys could bring people back from the dead.

But Merlin's magic wasn't done yet. He reacted on instinct. It was no spell he had learnt but somehow he _knew _what to do. He didn't hesitate.

It wasn't powerful. It wasn't dramatic. It was a breath of air escaping his lungs as his eyes swirled with gold and his body collapsed to the ground. It was his body going still and his breath stopping as Arthur suddenly dragged in a breath, the wound on his chest healing at an incredible rate.

_Emrys_, the Great Dragon's voice boomed in his head. _Emrys, __**no**__. What have you done_?

_I would give my life to save Arthur_.

There was no spell in existence that could do what Merlin had done. It was only him and his pure magic. He couldn't prevent death, nor could he bring anyone back from the dead. But he could give Arthur his life.

Arthur stirred, groaning, his eyes fluttering open. Beside him, Merlin went completely still, his eyes staring, unseeing, at the sky above them.

Arthur was surrounded by knights in an instant, checking him, making sure he was alive and unharmed. Despite the blood soaking his clothes, there was no wound. He was full of life.

Gwaine lifted Merlin's body into his lap, feeling for a pulse. There was nothing. He slapped the servant's face sharply.

"Come on, Merlin, you bloody idiot," he growled. "Open your eyes. Use your magic. _Do _something."

His eyes stared up at Gwaine, dull and lifeless. He was gone.

**0**

It was just a flicker in the darkness, but it quickly engulfed him, pulling him back.

His magic.

It brought him back. It wasn't air in his lungs, blood pounding in his veins or his heart beating. It was magic inside of him, keeping him alive. It didn't feel right. It felt like he was dead but he wasn't. His magic wouldn't let him die. It was too powerful. As long as his magic was alive, so was he. It was immortal...thus, so was he.

It burned.

He screamed, body flailing as he tried to make sense of what was happening, as his mind started to function again. He was vaguely aware of arms around him, keeping still, a voice in his ear gasping that he was alive, he was _alive_.

No, no, didn't they see? He was _dead_. It was just his magic and it burned, oh, it hurt, it _hurt_.

But then he _was _breathing, there _was _air in his lungs. His heart _was _beating, too fast, but it was beating, and his blood pounded in his veins. He was alive. _He was alive_. His magic had brought him back.

"Arthur," he heard himself whisper.

And then his magic flared and everything was white for a second, but it didn't burn anymore. It felt soothing. It felt right. He was safe.

He let go.

His body slumped in Gwaine's arms, but he was alive.

* * *

**For the love of Camelot, review? :D**


	23. Arguing

Merlin woke up in Gaius' chambers. The physician gazed at him sadly as he explained what had happened. It took two days for Merlin to recognise the old man talking to him, to understand the language he was speaking. His mind was stuck in the language of magic. It took him three days to understand who he was and what he had done.

It took him a week to remember.

He'd given his life to Arthur. He should have died. But his magic was still alive and it brought him back. It _saved_ him. But the damage was still there. It took Merlin three weeks to grow accustomed to the new, sort of empty feeling inside of him. He had to learn how to do things again, how to be himself. There was a knowledge, deep in his soul, of death and what it was like and it haunted him at night.

It was almost two months before things went back to normal. Gwaine visited him. Joked with him, helped him feel better, told him how impressive he'd been in the battle. He didn't talk about Arthur.

The other knights didn't visit him.

Merlin knew that even though _he _was back to normal, everything else wasn't. Gwen visited a few times but she didn't talk about the magic. She looked hurt...betrayed.

Merlin knew he was being given time to recover. But he had no idea what would happen to him when he finally had to face reality. After two months he decided he couldn't hide away anymore. He had to talk to Arthur. Arthur, who he hadn't seen since the battle, who'd clearly been avoiding him. Arthur, who had looked so disgusted when he used magic during the battle.

His heart didn't pound as he knocked on the door to Arthur's chambers. That was one of the things he had to get used to. His body was going through the motions – his lungs taking and expelling air, his heart beating, his blood pulsing – but it still didn't seem quite _right_. He'd sliced his hand on a blade in Gaius' chambers. It took a full minute for the cut to bleed.

Gaius had done some research and seemed positive that it wouldn't be long until Merlin's magic settled down again and he'd be back to normal. It wouldn't be long until he _did _bleed properly, breathe properly, until his heart sped up in moments that terrified him.

"Come in, Merlin."

Merlin drew in a deep breath and entered the chambers. Arthur sat behind his desk but he put down his quill as Merlin shut the door behind him and approached. He looked up at the man in front of him, blue eyes cold.

"Merlin."

"Arthur," Merlin cleared his throat. "We...we should talk."

"What about?"

Merlin looked at him surprise. "Well, about...my...you know, my..."

"About the fact that you're a _sorcerer_?" Arthur asked flatly. "That you're a traitor to Camelot?"

"Arthur..."

"Aside from that, what about _me_?" Arthur got to his feet, his fists clenched. "You lied to me this whole time, Merlin. _This whole damned time_. Do you know how that makes me feel?"

"Arthur, please..."

"It feels as though you may as well have cut my heart out and thrown it in the fire," Arthur continued ruthlessly, ignoring Merlin's attempts to speak. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Merlin scoffed, giving him a dark look. "Why do you _think_? Because, believe it or not, I'm quite fond of my head being firmly attached to my neck."

"_Don't_," Arthur warned dangerously. "We both know that excuse is just that: an _excuse_. What about after my father passed? When I became king? Or, better yet, why didn't you tell me when we became best friends? You _lied _to me, Merlin, and you continued to lie to me, you bloody_ traitor_."

Merlin had expected rage, and it was definitely there alright, in the clenching of Arthur's fists and the set of his shoulders, but what killed him was seeing the utter hurt and betrayal in his eyes. Arthur was_ pained_ by Merlin's choice not to tell him.

"Arthur," he started quietly. "I'm sorry."

"_Not good enough_," Arthur snapped. "Not bloody good enough, Merlin."

"What else can I do? Beg on my knees for forgiveness? You put me in the stocks as punishment?" he snorted. "I _am _sorry, Arthur, but there is little more I can say."

"Well, _I _have plenty to say."

Arthur slumped back in his seat, glaring at the warlock in front of him. After a moment, he looked down.

"Do you know what _really _kills me though, Merlin? What makes me feel like I'm going to be sick?" he tapped his chest. "It feels like I can't breathe, you know."

Merlin closed his eyes, guessing where this was going. "_Arthur_."

"After we became _more_, after I gave my trust to you in more than friendship, after I bloody told you I _loved_ you, you still didn't tell me." Arthur shook his head. "How could you kiss me with that secret? You continued to lie to me."

"You're not giving me chance to have my say."

Arthur looked at him incredulously but, at Merlin's calm, unwavering gaze, gave a vague hand gesture. "Go ahead."

"I have magic, Arthur. I'm _not _a sorcerer. I do not use magic. I _am _magic. I was born with it. I am more magic than any sorcerer you've met; like the dragons, I am a creature kin with the earth and its natural magic. It is rumoured that I am the most powerful warlock to ever live. I am the last Dragonlord."

Arthur scoffed. "Too late."

"I use my magic for you, Arthur. Only for you."

That shocked the king into silence and Merlin stepped forward, his gaze entreating him to understand. After a moment Arthur's eyes widened.

"Merlin, you're not breathing."

_Oh, right_. That still wasn't back to normal. He inhaled, reminding himself to keep doing so, and looked Arthur in the eyes.

"I was born for one reason, Arthur: _you_. I was born into a destiny and that destiny is to protect you. You are the Once and Future King. Your destiny is your own to discover but the reason, the _only _reason I am even alive is to fulfil my destiny of helping you with yours and to protect you.

"Yes, at the start I hid my magic because I was scared of the consequences. When Uther reigned he had no mercy for anyone even _suspected _of having magic and his punishments for sorcery were ruthless and cruel. So I hid who I am."

Arthur's expression twisted with anger but Merlin held up his hand.

"When you and I became friends, I wanted to tell you. Really, I did. For a while, I thought that you might understand, that you'd _accept _me...that I'd be free to be who I really am. But I knew deep down it was too soon, that I'd be making a huge mistake. So I kept my secret.

"When Uther died and you became king, I thought about telling you then. But can you _really _blame me for choosing against it? You are a good man, Arthur. The best man I know and a wonderful king. But the prejudices your father forced on you are still there. I wasn't going to risk it."

"Don't you _dare _turn this around on me, Merlin."

"I'm _not_," Merlin shouted in frustration. "Just _listen _to me, Arthur."

"I don't have to listen to a sorcerer."

"Tough, because you're damn well going to listen to me, you great clotpole."

"_Merlin_!"

"When we became...more," Merlin shifted slightly. "It absolutely killed me to make the decision not to tell you. But I couldn't put you in that position."

The rebuttal Arthur had been about to say stopped dead on his tongue, surprise showing on his face. "What?"

"If you found out about my magic, it would put you in the worst situation possible. You'd have to choose between your feelings for me and Camelot's laws on magic. What do you adhere to? Your oath as a king or your love for me? It wouldn't be fair to put you in that situation. I realise now that I was selfish. I shouldn't have let things spiral out of control."

"You...kept it hidden to _protect _me?" Arthur repeated, dumbstruck.

"Yes, just like I've been protecting you right from the moment I saved you from the sorcerer, even after you'd beaten me with a mace! I've used my magic to protect you and I've saved you countless times."

"Because of your destiny."

"Yes," Merlin nodded. "But also because I love you and the thought of anything happening to you feels like my insides are on fire."

"Don't be dramatic."

"Arthur, please..."

Arthur swallowed, looking away. "Just tell me one thing: did you use magic to make me have feelings for you?"

It was a like a physical blow to the chest. Merlin staggered back, stunned, and felt like he was back on the battlefield, his heart being burnt out of his chest all over again.

"Do you really believe that?" he choked out. "Do you really think I would do that?"

"No," Arthur admitted quietly. "I wish I could. Maybe then this wouldn't hurt so much."

"Arthur," Merlin closed his eyes, clenching his fists at his sides. "Are you going to have me executed?"

"No," the answer was swift and final. "I only know one thing right now and that is this: I won't have you die."

That was enough to have Merlin approaching Arthur, his eyes pleading. "Arthur, _please_."

"I want you to leave."

"What?"

"Go."

"Damn it, Arthur, just _listen _to me!" Merlin cried, furious.

"_Get out_!" Arthur thundered back.

Merlin stared at him for a moment. "Fine," he finally whispered. "Fine."

And he left.


	24. Making Up

"Merlin, would you like to explain to me why the crops are suddenly healthy again?"

Merlin smiled cheekily at his mother. "Good rainfall?"

Hunith shook her head but there was an indulgent smile on her face. "Merlin, thank you. You've helped us a lot. But your magic should not be used for such things and you can't let people find out about it."

"Then what _should_ my magic be used for?"

"King Arthur."

Merlin's face smoothed out and he turned away, continuing to clean the small house his mother lived in.

He'd left Camelot mere hours after his argument with Arthur. He'd explained the situation to Gauis, needing advice from the man he'd come to view as a father figure. Gaius had comforted him, tried to get him to stay, but they both knew Merlin's place was no longer in Camelot and it was no longer at Arthur's side. It was time to go home.

Gaius had helped him to pack his things and he'd hugged his ward tightly, making him promise that he would _not _lose contact entirely. Merlin had promised to without hesitation and left a parting gift on Gaius' table as he left: a small oak tree, its roots embedded into the wood of the table but it lived healthily, practically thrumming with energy.

At first, Merlin's magic had been out of control, still reacting to Merlin's death. It took a while for him to tame it again but, weirdly, it hadn't burned out at all. It seemed more powerful, more _pure_, in a quiet, subtle way.

He'd said goodbye to Gwaine. The knight hadn't seem surprised by Arthur's decision. He embraced the skinny man tightly and told him to keep his lanky self alive and safe. Merlin had grinned, giving the knight a playful punch on the shoulder before setting off.

He'd been back in Ealdor, living with his mother, for almost three weeks. He'd been greeted warmly from the villagers. In the time that he had been back, he'd cured the animals of the disease that was killing them off one by one, used magic to ensure the crops grew plenty, and used a protection spell to disorientate a group of bandits who'd gotten too close to the village, making them go the opposite way.

Hunith had been terribly ill when he'd first arrived in Ealdor. He'd cured her with things he'd learnt from Gaius, nudging it only slightly with magic to ensure they worked. She'd woken up, hugged him tightly, and immediately scolded him for being so reckless with his magic. She hadn't stopped since with every new (if helpful) thing he did using sorcery.

But he was determined to protect Ealdor. It was small but it was his hometown and he had little left now.

He may have been born for his destiny and alive only for Arthur, but that didn't mean that now that part of his life was over he could no longer exist. He was fierce in staying alive, staying happy and using his magic for _good_.

Hunith knew there was something wrong with her son, but she didn't try and make him talk about it. It was clear he did not want to dwell on whatever had caused him to leave Camelot. Each day he improved. There was still sadness in his eyes but his charming grin was back and he threw himself into life with a contagious, joyful energy, much to the villagers amusement. They'd missed the young man and his strange but entertaining ways. He still had nightmares, but they didn't keep him up for the rest of the night anymore. He was...living.

"Poor little Hulda isn't getting any better," Hunith sighed, her eyes clouding over. "They're worried that she won't last another night and that _awful_ physician..." she trailed off, anger evident on her face.

Hulda was a young girl who lived with her widowed father, Brinley. She was sweet and quiet and gentle considering her age. She'd dragged Hulda and several other people who were really too old to be playing games into her world of imagination. She was too lovely to say no to. She'd been delighted when Merlin agreed to be her friend. He'd given her a flower and she'd told him a story her father often recited to make her go to sleep.

Brinley was good man, too. Quietly strong and kind. He was a wonderful father. Merlin had seen the look in his mother's eyes when she spoke to Brinley: love. He'd seen the look in Brinley's eyes, too: he loved Hunith back. He knew it was only a matter of time. It was good that Hunith adored little Hulda, too.

Merlin had wanted to be the petulant son, but he couldn't bring himself to feel it. Brinley was a decent man who would treat his mother right. She deserved happiness and it smiled to see her so at peace when she was speaking to Brinley. He liked Hulda, too; being a brother to her would be a delight rather than a burden.

His heart ached when he thought of the last time he'd seen Hulda, tucked up by the fire to keep her small body warm, her face pale...too pale. She'd had a nasty fever.

"I can help."

Hunith worried her lower lip. "You can't risk it."

"I was taught by a very talented physician, mother. I can heal her without using my magic." Merlin assured his mother, placing his hand on her shoulder comfortingly. "But if I _do _need to, I will. I won't let her die."

"Of course," Hunith nodded, a proud smile touching her lips. She cupped her son's face gently. "You are such a good man, Merlin. The best."

Merlin smiled fondly at his mother. "I was raised by a wonderful woman. The best."

He visited Brinley and Hulda that evening. Brinley thanked him earnestly for his help as he applied the best of his knowledge as a physician. But as he looked down at the flaxen haired child, her breaths ragged and much too slow, Merlin knew there was nothing that could be done for her.

He glanced at Brinley from the corner of his eye. The man stood against the wall, his fist against his mouth as he gazed with utter pain in his eyes at his daughter. He'd lost his wife when she'd died giving birth. He couldn't lose his precious daughter either. It was seeing that grief in the man's eyes that told Merlin that his choice was completely _right_.

He leaned in, pressing his palm to the girl's forehead and breathing a spell under his breath, his eyes remaining gold for a moment. The child shivered slightly as the magic took its hold and Merlin sat back on his haunches. It would take a few days, but she would completely recover.

"The medicine will help," Merlin assured Brinley, getting to his feet. "Your daughter will be completely fine."

Brinley stared at him with wide eyes. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome," Merlin nodded slightly and turned to leave the small house.

"No," Brinley stopped him. "_Really_, thank you. I know what a risk that was for you."

Merlin swallowed, his stomach twisting. Brinley had either seen his gold eyes or heard his spell. Either way, he knew.

"Please," he breathed. "You can't tell anyone."

"Tell anyone what?" Brinley smiled kindly.

Merlin grinned slowly, nodding gratefully to the other man. His mother deserved a man like him. They shook hands and Merlin left. Only three days later, Hulda was outside playing again, completely recovered. She'd thanked Merlin with a flower she'd picked specially for him.

After that, Merlin helped the village when residents became ill. Ealdor already had a physician, but when there were cases the older physician could not handle, Merlin stepped in to help. Gaius had taught him well and the health in the small village improved remarkably with Merlin's help. He did not want to paid for his skills as a physician, however, and found work with Brinley, harvesting the crops.

He found his place in Ealdor. He found a life outside of Camelot and, though his heart ached for Arthur and what he'd left behind, he liked this life.

Three months into his life at Ealdor, Merlin was outside his small house, relaxing in the wonderful weather when one of the young boys ran up to him, red faced and breathless.

"Merlin, sir," he gasped out.

This was something that Merlin was still getting used to. He was no longer a servant. He held a good position in Ealdor. A _respected _position. He helped harvest crops for food and acted as a physician when necessary. The younger boys and girls, who had been raised with good manners, tended to call him 'sir'. He didn't particularly like it but didn't argue out of respect for the parents that raised their children to be so polite.

"What is it, Nicolaus?" Merlin asked in alarm. Were they under attack?

"No, sir," the young boy shook his head. "There are knights wanting access to the village, sir. Knights of _Camelot_ and King Arthur is with them!"

The boy sounded awed at the prospect of the great king of Camelot and his noble nights being in his home village, but Merlin doubted it was an attitude shared by the older villagers. They were bound to be wary of Arthur considering that, last time he'd been in Ealdor, Will had died.

_Will_. Merlin's heart still hurt when he thought of his best friend.

Then it hit him. _Arthur was here_. His heart flipped unpleasantly in his chest. What could the king possibly want? He'd sent him away. Unless he'd changed his mind and wanted to execute Merlin after all...but, no, he'd seemed adamant that Merlin would not die.

So...what? What did he want?

Clearly, the villagers had decided that, as he was the king's former manservant, it was his choice whether to allow him access to the village. Of course, Arthur and the knights could enter the village anyway and no one could protest, but it was politeness and respect on Arthur's part that he waited for permission first.

Merlin gave a jerky nod. "Let them in."

Nicolaus nodded cheerfully and dashed off, running with eager abandon to tell an older villager that Merlin had agreed to letting the knights from Camelot into Ealdor.

Merlin glanced down at the flower in his fingers, twiddling it nervously. What could Arthur possibly _want_?

The flower had, of course, died shortly after Hulda had given it to him as a thank you. But he'd kept it anyway. After a moment's thought he sat up on his haunches and dug a small hole in the ground.

He gazed down at the beautiful but dead flower, his magic tingling. It did not require much or a spell. The flower came back to life and he placed it in the ground. Immediately, it became one with the earth again and Merlin knew it would thrive for a long time.

"You know, when I asked you to leave, I meant my chambers, not the whole of _Camelot_."

Merlin paused at the familiar voice behind him, his heart clenching in a mixture of happiness and hurt. Arthur was here...talking to him. It was the sweetest ache in the world. He gazed down at the flower for a moment before rising to his feet. He turned so he faced Arthur but didn't look at the king. He couldn't bear to see him. It would be so wonderful and so terrible.

"What do you want, Arthur?" he asked quietly.

Solid arms were suddenly around him and he tensed, stunned. Arthur was...embracing him. He hesitantly lifted his hands to return it, burying his face against Arthur's shoulder. The solid warmth against him was familiar – too familiar – and he wasn't sure how he felt. Everything was messed up.

"Come inside," he murmured, noticing a few villagers watching them.

Arthur nodded and pulled away. Wordlessly, Merlin turned and entered the small house, shutting the door behind them. He went straight to the hearth, glancing back at Arthur briefly.

"Use magic."

Merlin froze, blinking at the wall, not daring to turn around. "What?"

"Why waste effort if you can use your magic?" Arthur asked. "How many times did you use magic to light fires when we were on patrol?"

"Rarely," Merlin murmured. "I mostly did things the manual way."

There was a pause at that as Arthur let what Merlin had just said sink in.

"Why?" he asked after a moment. "Why remain my servant and do things the hard way when you're so powerful?"

"Because," Merlin huffed. "I only use my magic when necessary. I'm not like the sorcerers you knew, Arthur. I control the magic, not the other way around. And you already know why I remained as your servant: destiny." His eyes flared gold at the hearth. "_Leohtbora_."

Flames shot up from the hearth, warming the small house almost instantly. Merlin gazed at the crackling fire for a long moment. It was a weird feeling, using magic so freely in front of Arthur after years of hiding it. It didn't feel as liberating as he'd always thought it would be. It felt more like a death sentence.

"Do the villagers know?" Arthur asked after a moment of silence. "About your magic? I noticed that the village is a lot healthier and the crops are growing well. Did you do that with sorcery?"

"Yes," Merlin answered shortly. "And no, not all of the villagers know. Only my mother and Brinley. Will...Will knew."

"When he said it was _his _sorcery as he was dying, he was just covering for you." Arthur realised.

"Yes."

"We need to talk."

Merlin closed his eyes, dreading the conversation. He had no idea how this would go and that unnerved him. Arthur's attitude could go either way. But he set two chairs by the fire and sat on one, facing the fire conjured by magic. After a beat of hesitation, Arthur joined him.

"You were born with magic."

Merlin nodded. "Yes. I was moving things with magic before I could even talk."

"How powerful are you?"

"Powerful."

"More so than Morgana or the sorcerer in the battle?" Arthur questioned, refusing to let Merlin avoid answering.

"It's rumoured I'm the most powerful warlock to ever exist," Merlin muttered. "You know, my destiny and all of that. Magic is part of me. I do not need spells for most things and my magic will never die."

Arthur leaned forward, his forearms on his knees. There was a frown on his face.

"My clumsy manservant is the most powerful warlock," he murmured. "And I didn't even realise.

"I spoke to Gaius. He told me everything...including just how much you've done for me and Camelot. How many times you've saved my life and the lives of others." Arthur continued. "You never once asked for credit."

"That isn't why I do it," Merlin argued softly. "And you know it."

Arthur nodded, reaching out with his hand. His fingertips gently brushed Merlin's wrist. "Thank you."

Merlin didn't look at the other man. He wasn't trusting this understand attitude. At any moment Arthur could turn and it was _his _neck on the line if he did.

"Gaius explained to me what you did in the battle. You turned them to _ash_, all of them, with one strike." Arthur looked awed. "And then..."

Merlin looked up then, gazing at the king with calm blue eyes, waiting for him to say it.

"You saved my life."

"No."

"Well...you stopped my death, then," Arthur corrected himself.

"Try again."

"You brought me back from the dead."

"_No_."

Arthur swallowed, closing his eyes. "Fine. You gave me _your _life."

"Yes," Merlin nodded. "And if that isn't proof of my feelings for you, then I don't know what is, Arthur."

"What..." Arthur paused, looking troubled. "What happened _exactly_?"

"Blacwin stabbed you. No spell would work to heal you and you died in my arms." Merlin answered shortly. "My magic lost control as a result, killed Blacwin and his army."

"And?" Arthur urged.

"I didn't even need to make a conscious decision to do it. I need to protect you and so my magic _did_. I did something no sorcerer has ever been able to do before: I gave my life to you."

"But your magic didn't die."

"No," Merlin agreed. "It didn't and it brought me back from death. It wasn't a particularly pleasant experience."

He remembered the burn, the emptiness, the feeling of being dead but _not_ and shuddered.

"You should have died, but you didn't," Arthur murmured. "Did you know that when you did it? Did you know you wouldn't die?"

"Does it matter?"

"_Yes_," Arthur jumped to his feet, dragging his fingers through his hair. "Of course it matters, Merlin. _Did you know_?"

Merlin sighed, shifting closer to the warmth of the fire. "No."

"So you did it knowing you were going to _die_."

"Arthur," Merlin snapped. "_Why are you here_?"

"Is there any lasting damage?"

"Well," Merlin sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Yes. By rights, I should be _dead_ right now. My magic cheated death. Of course there is lasting damage."

"Tell me," Arthur ordered, staring down at him.

"You already know some of it. It took me a while to be back to normal. My body was gradually coming back to life. I now breathe properly but my heartbeat still isn't quite normal. I'm still getting used to it."

"And?" Arthur pressed, sensing that there was more.

"My health won't be that great. I'll get injured easier, tired faster, more weak to illnesses and disease." Merlin paused before adding. "My life will be shorter."

Arthur froze. "_What_?" he shouted. "By how much?"

"I'm not sure. Like I said, this hasn't happened before. But Gaius made a guess." Merlin shrugged. "About fifteen years or so."

"Fifteen years _or so_?" Arthur repeated incredulously.

"It's not that bad, Arthur," Merlin pointed out. "I mean, I should be dead. I'm pretty lucky."

Arthur moved faster than Merlin could anticipate, grabbing his shoulders to haul him to his feet before gripping his face tightly, eyes wide and serious.

"You bloody _idiot_," he hissed. "Ignoring the fact that you'd die for me, you've shorted your life. For _me_."

"Yes," Merlin snapped back. "Because I love you."

"Don't _ever _do something like that again."

"Trust me, I don't plan on it."

Arthur hugged him again, hard, this time accompanying it with a firm kiss against Merlin's mouth. Merlin floundered for a moment, stunned and uncertain.

"It will take me a long time to forgive you," he sighed. "But I will, eventually. I'm not letting you go, Merlin. No one outside of the castle has to know about your magic and maybe, one day, when the fear of magic weakens, we can stop the ban on magic. You wouldn't have to hide you are anymore. But for now we keep it a secret."

"And..." Merlin swallowed, uncertain. "What about us?"

"I love you, idiot," Arthur smiled gently. "I can get over your magic. I care about you too much to turn you away." He paused before adding, "Can you show me?"

"My magic?" Merlin raised an eyebrow. "I already did."

"I want to see more. It's...fascinating."

Merlin smiled and nodded, gesturing for Arthur to follow him out of the house. Outside, with Arthur at side, Merlin gazed around, finally spotting Gwaine walking towards Percival. Merlin smiled and looked at the ground at Gwaine' feet, his eyes flashing gold. A root shot up from the ground, tripping Gwaine to the ground.

Gwaine yelped and scrambled to his feet, staring at the root incredulously. Arthur's loud laughter drew his attention to the two men watching him with matching smiles on their face. Merlin had used magic to trip him.

Gwaine shook his fist in mock anger and Merlin smiled wider. Beside him, Arthur chuckled again and it eased the weight on Merlin's shoulders. Arthur didn't hate him for his magic. He'd actually found it _entertaining_.

Arthur's fingertips brushed his, just for an instant. "Come back to Camelot."

Merlin's heart sank. "I can't."

Arthur looked down at him. "_Mer_lin."

"I have a place here, Arthur, a _life_. My mother needs me. I help the physician. I have a job and friends."

"_I _need you."

Merlin's heart jumped at the statement. He glanced away, looking around the village. He couldn't leave this place. He'd built a life. He couldn't just _abandon _them.

"You should go, son."

Merlin jumped and turned to look at Hunith. "Mother..."

"You deserve more, Merlin, and while I love seeing you, I don't need you. Your life isn't here, it is in Camelot. It always has been." She smiled affectionately at her son. "Go."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, Merlin."

Merlin glanced first at his mother, then at Arthur. She was right. His life always had been in Camelot.

"Alright."


	25. Staring Into One Another's Eyes

Things still weren't quite right between him and Arthur, but they were getting there. Arthur and the knights had returned to Camelot after a day. Merlin had lingered in Ealdor, dreading saying goodbye to the people he'd come to care about.

When a rather rude message was sent by the king of Camelot, questioning his delay, Merlin knew it was time to return to the kingdom. He said goodbye to his neighbours. He promised his mother that he would visit frequently and that if she ever needed anything, she need only come to him for help and he would fix it.

Merlin took the flower Hulda had given him with him.

It was a long journey to Camelot and he was exhausted when he arrived. He went straight to the physicians chambers. He was greeted by an overjoyed and relieved Gaius, given food and water, and sent straight to bed for rest as if he'd never been gone.

He slept in the next day. He wasn't sure if he was to return to his duties as the king's manservant or not. Things were still tense between him and Arthur and he didn't want to push it, not when the other man had been so trusting. He needed to give it time and a little space.

But he couldn't resist going to the training field when he realised that the knights were scheduled to train. He stood at the side, watching with a fond smile as Arthur and Percival fought. Percival was stronger, using his brute strength well, and was also very skilled with a blade. But Arthur had more experience and he was lighter on his feet. He was also more strategic. They were almost equally matched and the fight lasted for almost ten minutes before Arthur swung his blade in a wide arc, a screech of metal against metal echoing across the field as Percival was knocked off balance, the arm holding his sword thrown recklessly to the side.

Arthur shouldered Percival in the ribs, knocking the knight to the ground. He took advantage of Percival's disorientation and pointed the tip of his blade at his throat. Percival huffed but smiled, accepting the hand Arthur held out.

There was a smug smile on the king's face, the same arrogance he'd exhibited when he was young and boastful, and Merlin couldn't resist. His eyes flashed gold and Arthur's feet flew out from beneath him. He landed on his ass in the mud.

As the knights laughed, Arthur looked around angrily for the source of his fall. His gaze met Merlin's from across the field and he blinked, surprised.

Merlin offered a tentative smile, unsure of how Arthur would react to his use of magic, especially to humiliate the king. But a genuine, happy smile touched Arthur's lips and he didn't break eye contact, staring into Merlin's eyes as his own sparkled with affection. Merlin grinned back, feeling light and _free_.

Everything felt right again.

* * *

**a/n: this is very fluffy. I needed fluff. I just watched the film of Les Miserables and I needed something happy because...yeah, I cried.**

**I definitely recommend it, however. I read the book a few years ago and was surprised by how much was different in the film, but the adaptation was **_**brilliant**_**. Absolutely stunning.**


	26. Getting Married

Merlin had been reinstated as Arthur's manservant. Nothing more had happened. Things were like they were before but it was still tense, the unspoken things between them gnawing at Merlin's patience.

As the chambers remained in silence, Merlin huffed and busied himself with making Arthur's bed. Just as he was smoothing it down, arms slid around his waist from behind.

Merlin paused, uncertain. Arthur hadn't shown signs of wanting anything more from him; Merlin had assumed that his magic was too much for the king to handle. But he relaxed against Arthur, feeling him nuzzle at his throat.

"Arthur," he murmured.

"Ssh," he breathed.

Merlin closed his eyes, humming appreciatively as Arthur kissed along his neck gently.

"Leon's getting married."

Merlin smiled. "Really? That's wonderful news."

"It made me think," Arthur continued quietly. "I really want you to marry me."

Merlin's heart fluttered and he swallowed, keeping his voice steady as he replied, "Arthur, you know we can't. You're the king and we're both men."

"I know," Arthur sighed, pressing his mouth against Merlin's shoulder. "But I wish we could. I want to show that you're mine."

"Arthur, I revealed my magic and gave my life for you. I'm pretty sure everyone has gotten the message."

Arthur was silent and Merlin turned, leaning up to kiss the other man firmly.

"It doesn't matter," he promised. "It doesn't change things."

"But..."

"Don't worry about it," Merlin smiled. "I know that, one day, Camelot will need a Queen and heirs to the throne. Until then..."

Arthur gazed at him sadly, loathing their situation just as much as Merlin. But what Merlin said was true; Camelot needed heirs, otherwise the Pendragons would no longer continue as monarchs.

"I'd give it up for you," he murmured.

"I'm not asking you to," Merlin shook his head. "Don't worry, not yet, Arthur. For now, we have all the time in the world."

He silenced Arthur's argument with a kiss, this time longer and more demanding. Arthur closed his eyes and wrapped his arms tightly around Merlin, kissing him back and letting go of his worries.

Merlin was right; for now, they had all the time in the world to be together.


	27. On One Of Their Birthdays

Merlin was surprised the next morning when Gaius didn't shout for him to get up like he normally did. He stretched and, anxious he would be late, scrambled out of bed into the cold and grabbed some clothes.

Gaius wasn't in the chambers when he went downstairs, but there was a bath waiting in the corner and breakfast waiting on the table. A _glorious_ breakfast, rather than Gaius' usual watery porridge. He stared at in surprise. Was this a gift from Gaius? Last year, the elderly physician had given him an old book full of knowledge on medicine. This seemed too generous.

"Happy birthday."

Merlin jumped as Arthur pushed off from the wall by the stairs leading to his bedroom and approached, smiling warmly.

"Oh," Merlin blinked in surprised. "You remembered?"

Arthur merely gave him a flat look, clearly insulting by the implication, and pointed at the bath. Merlin tested the water. It was hot and he quickly pulled off his clothes, sinking into the soothing water. He cleaned and relished the warmth before climbing out, ducking behind a screen Arthur had set up for him, knowing just how much Merlin liked to protect his _modesty_.

There was a pile of clothes waiting for him. New, clean clothes without holes or worn patches. They were thicker, too – _warmer_. There was even a new pair of boots. He pulled on the clothes and boots and approached the table where breakfast was waiting.

"Thank you," he murmured, kissing Arthur before sitting down.

Arthur touched the thick material of Merlin's new jacket, a small frown appearing on his handsome face. "You feel the cold more now, even when the weather is good."

That was true. No matter how warm it was outside, there was still a cold feeling in Merlin's bones that he doubted he would ever get rid of. Death had left its mark on him but he'd adapted. He barely paid attention to the odd things he felt now and then. He felt normal.

"Arthur," Merlin reached out, grasping Arthur's hand. "I told you not to worry about me. I'm fine."

"But you're _not_," Arthur argued fiercely, pulling away in order to pace in obvious frustration. "I never told you how I felt during the battle, did I?"

Merlin's heart sank. "Yes. I saw it in your eyes. I know you may never get used to my magic but..."

Arthur shook his head, silencing him. "No, not about your magic."

Merlin blinked in confusion. "Then...what?"

"I heard you scream, Merlin. I thought you'd been wounded or worse. Gwaine tried to keep me with him – we were surrounded by them, but I couldn't leave you – and when I found you, you were on your knees and that sorcerer was doing something to you. He had no weapon or poison, he simply looked at you and you were _screaming_, Merlin. You looked like you were going to die."

"Oh," Merlin realised what he was talking about. "He...he was burning my heart in my chest."

Arthur visibly paled at that and Merlin regretted telling him what Blacwin had been doing. But they hadn't spoken about that yet and it seemed Arthur was ready to now.

"I tried to help and you forced me out," Arthur seethed, returning to his aggravated pacing. "I could do nothing but stand there and watch. I thought he would kill you."

"And he killed you instead," Merlin interrupted darkly.

"Yes," Arthur cleared his throat, gazing at him sadly. "And when I woke up, it was to see you in Gwaine's arms. You were completely limp and your eyes...there was no life in them, nothing. You were dead."

Merlin looked down at his uneaten breakfast, digging his thumbnail into the wood of the table. He hadn't wanted to think about Arthur felt waking up to see him dead. He'd felt the agony and rage of Arthur bleeding to death in his arms but it was soon blocked by the force of his magic. Arthur hadn't had that mercy; there had been minutes before Merlin's magic brought him back from death where he truly believed he'd lost him.

"Arthur, I..." Merlin swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry."

"Don't," Arthur touched the back of his neck, stroking the skin there. "If I had magic, I would have done the same without hesitation. But it kills me to know that you were dead and you are still affected by that."

"Arthur, it is only fifteen years or so. If I was to live until sixty, then I'll still live to forty five. We have all the time in the world."

"But what if you were going to die shortly anyway, and now your life is shortened even more?" Arthur argued softly. "What is this birthday is your last?"

"No," Merlin promised. "Arthur, I know that I will live a long life by your side. I will die first but I will die having lived a good life. I can _feel _it. I am more alive than ever. My _magic_ is stronger."

"But you die first," Arthur whispered. "And I don't know how I will face it."

"Don't," Merlin snapped. "Don't think about it. It doesn't matter, not right now."

Arthur looked like he was going to argue but seemed to think better of it. Merlin offered him a reassuring smile, wishing he could kiss away the sadness in Arthur's eyes. He knew it would always be there when Merlin tripped and broke a bone because he was weaker, when he fell ill from the cold no one else could feel so much, when he caught a disease quickly, when he thought of the fact that he was, one day, going to lose Merlin.

"Would it help," Merlin asked uncertainly. "If...if I try to find a way around it? A spell or something?"

"Is that possible?" Arthur worked to hide the hope in his voice. "You've evaded death once. Can you manage it again?"

"I seem to manage the impossible when it comes to you," Merlin pointed out. "I will try."

There wasn't sadness in Arthur's eyes now, only hope, and though Merlin knew that there was no magic or spell that would help their situation, he wouldn't tell Arthur that. He hated to lie to the man he loved but if it stopped him from being so sad, if it stopped him from fearing Merlin's death, then it was for the best.

"Eat your breakfast," Arthur ordered affectionately.

Merlin obliged. When he was finished, he glanced out of the window to see the knights assembling on the training field.

"You're late for training," he realised with guilt. "I'll get your chainmail."

"Don't be ridiculous," Arthur snorted. "You are not my manservant today."

Merlin blinked before smiling. "Thank you."

Arthur captured Merlin's lips with his own, kissing him slowly and thoroughly. When Merlin was breathing hard and completely disarmed, he pulled back and grinned.

"Happy birthday, idiot."


	28. Doing Something Ridiculous

"You're late, princess."

Arthur shot Gwaine a look as he met the knights on the training field, spinning his sword gracefully in one hand before piercing it into the ground. The knights watched him in amusement, noting the flushed cheeks, swollen lips and glittering look in the king's eyes.

A couple of minutes later, Merlin appeared at the side of the field, his hair sticking up and his lips equally swollen. When Gwaine looked at him and laughed, Merlin flushed scarlet.

"Oh," Gwaine grinned. "_Now_ we know why our good king is late. Seduced by a manservant!"

"Gwaine!" Arthur said sharply.

"Hair all over the place, lips bright as blood, why, it appears he'd only _just_ been bedded by our good friend Merlin!" Gwaine laughed, nudging an amused Elyan in the ribs.

"Gwaine," Arthur growled, aware that he was blushing and hating it.

"Though who can blame our king," Gwaine continued with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "Merlin _is _tempting."

"_Gwaine_."

This time, despite knowing Gwaine was only jesting, Arthur was tempted to reach for his sword.

Gwaine laughed loudly, so caught up in his own amusement that he didn't notice Merlin's lips flutter and his eyes flash gold, but the other knights did and quickly stepped away from Gwaine, wondering what magic Merlin was performing.

Gwaine's laugh cut short mid-giggle and he blinked, coughing slightly. He reached a hand to his throat, a frown on his handsome features. He opened his mouth to speak...and let loose a loud, guttural _snort_, one rather distinctly _pig_ like.

He reared back in surprise at the sound, unwilling letting loose a pig squeal. The knights burst into loud laughter, Leon clapping Merlin on the back in appreciation for the trick. Arthur grinned, sharing a sly look with Merlin.

Gwaine dropped to his knees in the mud, snorting and squealing with an expression crossed between being indignant and anxious.

"Act like a pig, and I will make you one," Merlin told the knight, grinning impishly. "Next time, I'll turn you into a _toad_."

Gwaine emitted a startled _oink_ at the idea and Percival doubled over, clutching his stomach as he laughed. After a moment of enjoying the spectacle, Merlin whispered a word under his breath and Gwaine suddenly went still, blinking again. After a moment, he staggered to his feet and testing his throat.

"Well," he spoke after a moment and grinned at Merlin. "I suppose congratulations are in order. Few people have managed to make me look so ridiculous."

"You do that yourself every time you go to the tavern," Elyan snorted.

Gwaine sniffed and walked away from them. The circle of men shared another chuckle at Gwaine's expense before dispersing, the knights to train and Arthur remaining at Merlin's side.

"Nice trick," Arthur remarked. "How many times have you been tempted to use it on me?"

Merlin shrugged with a smirk. "Who says I haven't? Perhaps I just made you forget."

The look on Arthur's face was priceless.

* * *

**a/n: I'm still not over the Merlin finale. **

**I'm sad that this is reaching its end. I've loved writing it. I'm thinking of writing a sequel – would you guys read it if I did?**

**Also, if you're interested, I have a few other stories up, two Merlin and one Sherlock oneshot.**


	29. Doing Something Sweet

"Common illness, Sire," Gaius assured the king. "You'll be fine in a few days. You just need rest, plenty of water and _no stress_."

"I'm the _king_, Gaius," Arthur's derisive tone carried through the hoarse croak in his voice. "Stress is unavoidable."

"_No stress_," Gaius repeated.

Arthur sighed but didn't argue. His body felt too heavy and his head pounded. He sneezed for the fourth time in a matter of minutes and gave a feeble groan. It wasn't the first time he'd suffered from this particular sickness – it seemed to inflict him every year during the winter months – but he _abhorred_ it. He glanced at Merlin, who was stood a few feet away, searching for pity.

Merlin simply rolled his eyes and Arthur huffed indignantly. He was the king, he was sick and he wanted _sympathy_. Gaius repeated his stern instructions yet again, handed Merlin a vial of medicine for the king and left the chambers. Merlin pocketed the vial, aware that Arthur, so sick of being, well, _sick_, was likely to take too much if given the chance in the hopes that it would work faster.

Arthur stared at Merlin balefully as he looked over the documents on Arthur's desk, perusing them with his eyebrows arched. After a moment, he grinned without looking up.

"Stop wallowing in self pity, Arthur," he snorted. "I'm not going to fuss over you. We've all suffered from this sickness – I only recovered a fortnight ago – so _you_ can deal with it too."

"I wouldn't be surprised if _you're_ the one who inflicted me with this curse," Arthur grumbled.

"If you're dramatically implying that I passed the sickness onto you, then, yes, probably," Merlin gave him an impish smile. "You look so wounded."

"I am_ king_, Merlin."

"And a prat, and the man I love," Merlin smiled, his expression softening. "Rest. You don't need to stress yourself until you have recovered. I will do your work as you instruct and take care of everything."

"But that means extra work," Arthur pointed out sleepily.

Merlin crossed the room, kissing his forehead affectionately. "I don't mind. Rest, Arthur."

Arthur, rather embarrassingly, felt his eyes tear up at the sweet gesture. Merlin laughed, winking at him before tucking him in tightly. Arthur watched his friend and lover leave the chambers, yawning loudly. He felt much more relaxed.


	30. Doing Something Hot

It was too hot.

Merlin was tempted to cast a spell that would perhaps cool the weather down, make it rain so Camelot was no longer at risk of drought. But Gaius and Arthur had strictly forbidden it, insisting that it wasn't worth the risk.

But still...it was so _hot_. Merlin had taken off his scarf and shirt but he was still much too uncomfortable. His hair stuck to the perspiration on his forehead and he wanted nothing more than to lie down and wallow in the heat, but the material of his bed felt too strange against his overheated skin.

He gazed out of his window at Camelot. Of course, he wasn't the only one who was so hot it felt like there was cotton balls stuffed in his lungs and eye sockets. The whole citadel was suffering. He so wished he could use his magic. I mean, he could claim that the weather had turned without aid of magic. Gaius and Arthur need never know...

"I know what you're thinking," a voice said close to his ear. "And I'll repeat myself: it isn't worth the risk. The weather will turn soon."

"But it's so _hot_," Merlin complained, not turning to look at Arthur.

Arthur pressed the front of body against the back of Merlin's, sliding his arms around the other man's slim waist. He pressed his palms flat against Merlin's exposed hipbones, humming in appreciation. Merlin was about to protest the closeness – Arthur's body heat was overwhelming and sticky – but Arthur suddenly leaned in, pressing his nose to the perspiration on Merlin's neck.

Then, in one quick movement, he licked the taste of salt off Merlin's skin. Merlin bit his tongue and shuddered against the other man.

"Arthur..." he grumbled. "It's too hot."

He felt Arthur smirk against his skin but the king took pity, peeling himself away from the sorcerer. Merlin watched in relief as the sky began to darken. The nights were very warm too, but it was better than the sweltering heat of the day.

Arthur stood at his side, reaching out after a few minutes to take Merlin's hand in his, squeezing his lean fingers gently.

* * *

**a/n: so this is now over...I'm sad to say. I loved writing this. BUT I am writing a sequel which will be posted soon, so keep an eye out for it. **

**Thanks so much for all the follows/favourites and reviews, I really appreciate them :)**

**Sherlocked95**


	31. Notice about the sequel

**Thanks to everyone who favourite/followed and reviewed this story. I was amazed at the response it received and I'm very grateful to all of you for reading and following it.**

**I have started a sequel called 'Unintended' which will follow the same 30 day OTP prompts and it is up now, currently with three chapters. **

**Sherlocked95**


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